


social cues

by outropeace



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comeplay, Daddy Kink, Dom/sub Undertones, Friends With Benefits, Jealousy, Louis Tomlinson in a Dress, M/M, Marking, Misunderstandings, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Praise Kink, Protective Harry, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Rock Stars, Sharing a Bed, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 55,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27619112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outropeace/pseuds/outropeace
Summary: To Harry, Louis was becoming as tangible and essential as music in his life. He still was a mystery but at the same time, he was one of the most real things Harry had. He just hoped he could live up to the image Louis probably had in his mind of him.He could play the part, after all, what was published of him wasn’t as detached from reality. He didn’t think of himself as a rockstar cliche, although he couldn't deny he did sleep around, partied a lot, and did some drugs. But then again, wasn’t that what the majority of his friends back in his hometown were doing at college?Harry wanted to impress Louis, he didn’t want to disappoint or leave his expectations unfulfilled, so he’d give him the full rockstar experience.It was a very simple plan, what could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Original Male Character(s), Louis Tomlinson/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 66
Kudos: 553
Collections: Bottom Louis Fic Fest 2020





	1. PART ONE

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest 2020 and is based on **Prompt 153:** Famous/non famous au: Harry Styles is famously known for his common rockstar lifestyle (sex, drugs, fame) but no one knows that the person behind each song he writes/sings is about his sweet childhood friend Louis Tomlinson. *bonus if Louis tours w/ with him and is completely oblivious to Harry’s pining* 
> 
> This fic was made for Roya LOML, from the moment I picked the prompt to when I finished writing it, this is FOR YOU. I hope you like it and don't disappoint. I love you so so mmmuch!
> 
> As always, a special thank you to my babies Arely, Ninito, Elote, Aliss and Lucia for be there for me and for being the bestest of the friends anyone could ask for. 
> 
> To ALL the people who helped me with this fic, thanks you so so much but specially, thanks to Lottie, Aris, Hannah and Ris for fixing this mess, you're angels and I'm incredibly grateful for you. 
> 
> **HERE COMES THE SPOILERS (KINDA)**
> 
> The first part of the fic is divided by flashbacks, each flashback has a song that Harry "wrote" at the beginning. None of the lyrics used in this fics are actually Harry's or mine. At the end of the fic I'll link to a playlist with all the songs included in here and some others more. <3
> 
> CW:  
> \- There's a foursome (or the beginning of it) at some point in the fic  
> \- There's mentions of drugs and drug use  
> \- There's light mentions of choking but nothing too explicit  
> \- About the miscommunication/misunderstandings, you know the drill, talk with your partners, with your friends, just talk. It's very important heh

**_European Leg, Manchester_ **

The room reeked of sex, booze, and a little bit of desperation as Harry pushed at the light body wrapped around him. He hated morning-afters, he hated explanations and excuses, he hated repeating himself. No, he didn’t want breakfast. No, he didn’t want another cigarette. No, he didn’t want to take a shower with them, nor go out later. He didn’t want their numbers or even their names. He hated to be the fucking asshole who had to remind them _‘remember what we agreed last night? This is just a fuck, not the beginning of a long-lasting friendship’._

Alas, someone had to do it. Luckily for Harry, this time it didn't have to be him.

“Wake up, my little gold mine, my goose who lays golden eggs, my— _Jesus fucking Christ,_ your room stinks like a badly written character of Skins US.”

Harry snorted as he watched his manager walk towards the window of his suite room. “Don’t I deserve to be part of the original cast?”

“Nah, you’re not the Sid you think you are,” Jason said before harshly opening the curtains on the far end of his room.

“Sid was lame.”

“And you’re not even that.” 

Jason moved to the mini bar in the room as a sleepy voice muttered a quiet, confused, _“What's going on?”_ beside him. 

His manager snorted. “Why don’t you tell your delightful blue-eyed brunet to get some amazing breakfast in the kitchen while I give you the news I have for you,” he said with his back facing Harry as he grabbed a bottle of sparkling water from the fridge.

“Do we know each other?” The boy frowned at Jason, finally sitting down, clearly confused as to how the man knew how he looked without _looking_ at him.

“Don’t think so.” Jason walked to open the last curtain with the bottle in hand. “Call it a hunch,” he said as he pulled back the last set of curtains to expose them to the blinding light, making Harry’s eyes squint and his head throb. “See?” Jason gestured at the boy before tossing Harry the bottle of sparkling water. “I should have been a fortune teller.” 

Harry scowled at his manager before turning to face the boy. “Listen, you can grab some breakfast—anything you want—just ask the chef and they will make it for you. Jason can call the driver so he can pick you up after.” He saw how the small smile that was starting to adorn the boy’s face dissolved in an instant. 

Harry almost felt bad for him before remembering that they had talked about boundaries the night before, he was tired of pretending these things meant more than what they were for both parts and Harry was also tired of being used and manipulated by strangers.

“How tactful,” Jason said as soon as the boy stomped out of Harry’s room. “I’d love you to be the one who tells my children Santa doesn't exist, I think you’d do an amazing job.”

“Sure, I can do that before I tell them their dad lost his job for being a moron.”

Jason touched his heart. “Aw, would you do that? _For me?”_

“What the fuck do you _want_ Jason? My head is pounding and I’d love it if you'd let me go back to sleep.”

“Who’s being a moron now?” Jason arched a brown and Harry took a deep breath. “Jesus, fine, I’ll tell you… they said yes.”

“Who said yes?”

“L28? They said yes to film the documentary about the tour?”

“Oh… alright.”

“Alright? _Alright_? After you whined— _whined_ that you wanted them to be the ones to make the tour documentary, you only say _‘alright’_? Do you know how much that studio is costing us?”

“I didn’t whine and I didn’t actually expect them to say yes - they don’t really do this type of stuff.”

“I was doing my research and I couldn’t find the name of any of the people working for them, they’re insanely and purposely discreet, but I checked several of their previous works and referrals and they’re really good,”

“Yeah… they are. Will that be all?”

Jason blinked. “I mean… yes?”

“Alright, if you don’t mind… I want to go back to sleep.”

Jason opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. He repeated the movement twice, like a fish gasping for air. Harry knew he was pissing his manager off but he’d think about the consequences later, right now he had other stuff to focus on. As soon as Jason was gone, he grabbed his phone and texted the first name that popped up in his message app.

**[12:28]**

_So it’s official, you’ll be mine for the rest of the tour…_

**angel** [12:52] 

_all urs, baby ;)_

**_We’re Going To Be Friends_ **

**_London, 2015_ **

_And when I wake up tomorrow I’ll bet_   
_That you and I will walk together again_

Harry had met the boy with fairy kisses on his cheeks when they were both young kids. They'd remained best friends up until the boy’s parents had to move to New York when they were fifteen. Harry wasn’t ashamed to admit that he'd cried for weeks after Louis’ departure and cried even more when he'd discovered his unrecognizable, smelly, and smashed phone next to Spot—his dog at the time. Everything on his old phone had been erased, including his only way to talk to his best friend. 

The boy hadn’t believed in social media, he didn’t understand it, so there was no point in searching there. And just like that, the boy with fairy kisses on his cheeks was gone for good from Harry’s life, but would never be erased from Harry’s mind. Scared of forgetting him—his face, his smile, his tender eyes—Harry started writing about him in notebooks and on napkins, any place he could find.

_“I’m afraid of going to sleep one night and waking up without knowing your eyes."_

The words were sweet, longing, and innocent. Some of them even made nice melodies when he played them with his guitar. So he did, again and again. The words on napkins turned into songs—songs that people liked and identified with because apparently, almost everyone had their own person with fairy kisses on their cheeks and timeless smiles, so impossibly far away. 

They were allall were longing, just like Harry.

He was nineteen when he started doing small gigs in sketchy-looking bars. At that point, the songs weren’t so innocent anymore, the longing was different, the _what-if_ scenarios changed and more people started to pay attention to him. Kids don’t know about desire or heartbreak, but Harry wasn’t a kid anymore. So when he sang, _“the sound of the waves collide,”_ people began to scream back, _“tonight._ ” 

Jason found him on a rainy Saturday night, right before leaving the bar. He asked him if he had a label or a manager, and Harry laughed so loudly his ears rang. Two months later, not only did he have a label and a manager, but he also had a contract for three albums. Harry’s life was officially changed in the eyes of everyone, but nothing really started for him until he found _him_ again.

He didn’t mean to, he'd stopped looking for him years ago. His songs weren’t all about his long lost muse anymore, he was moving on. But then he saw Mitch, his drummer, going through his Instagram feed and this time, everything changed for real.

_loubell_

Such a small and cute name for such a mighty boy. The pictures were carefully taken: wet, peach-colored lips biting a strawberry; hips adorned with a diamond chain; ribs being held by strong hands; ears decorated with small earrings; long, lean legs displayed in thigh-high, tulle socks; neck and collarbones showcasing beautiful golden necklaces. The mirror pictures showed a soft torso wearing from soft shirts and short shorts to what seemed to be expensive negligees and lingerie. 

However, what made Harry actually pay attention to the page was a picture of the boy’s cheek.

“Fairy kisses,” Harry whispered.

“Pretty, huh?” Mitch said absently as he gazed at the picture.

“I know him.”

Mitch frowned and watched Harry carefully. “You know _loubell?_ ” he asked incredulously.

“Yes, do you?” Harry questioned as he pulled out his own phone, opened Instagram, and typed the username in.

“I mean, as much as your fans know you.”

Harry snorted. “So you know nothing,” he said as he clicked the follow button. 

Not even ten minutes after he did that, Jason was storming into the room.

“Why the fuck are you following thirst accounts on Instagram?”

“I didn’t?” Harry said pushing himself up into a sitting position as Mitch huffed indignantly. “loubell is _not_ a thirst account, it’s a fashion and culture one.”

“I don’t care if he’s promoting ways to end pollution, he’s doing it half-naked, and that looks like a thirst account.”

“How do you even know who I just followed?”

“It’s on all your update accounts,” Jason said as he shoved his phone in front of Harry’s face.

“Why are you even following them in the first place?”

“To know if we’re doing things right.”

“Isn’t knowing if you’re doing things well… your _job?”_

“I have three update accounts, do you follow them too?” Mitch asked as he grabbed Jason’s phone.

“You have two and one is solely dedicated to what type of bread and pastries you are eating,” Jason said exasperated. 

Mitch nodded as he typed something on Jason’s phone. “I’m eating a brioche today, I tweeted about it on your account so they can update.”

Jason closed his eyes. “I need _you_ ”—he pointed in Mitch’s direction—“to give me back my phone and _you_ ”—he pointed at Harry—“to unfollow that Instagram account.”

“I don’t get what the problem is, you think they see me as this holy person who doesn’t think about sex? Have you listened to my songs? Have you seen what the press has to say about me? Jason, I promise _they know.”_

Jason laughed. “I’m actually worried about the opposite, they see you as this sex god, a pure fantasy who everyone wants. Harry,” he said as if he was talking to a toddler. “sex gods don’t follow cutesy thirst accounts.”

“First of all, it’s not that. Mitch told you it’s a fashion and culture account. Second”—Harry shrugged—“see if I care.”

“Can you at least follow more people? It’s weird that the first, and currently only account you follow is a th— _culture_ and fashion page.”

Harry sniffed. “No, I think I’m fine like this.”

“Who even is this boy you’re so desperate to suck?”

A big smirk bloomed on his face. “It’s _loubell.”_

And as if it was a spell, right after he said the name, a direct message appeared in his Instagram inbox.

**loubell:**

_you found me..._

**_European Leg, Glasgow_ **

The camera crew arrived at the arena and Harry tried to act as composed as he could, but as soon as he saw Zayn, something bitter coiled inside his body.

“Styles!” Zayn pasted a fake smile on his face as he approached Harry. “I’m really excited to start working with you and your crew.”

Love was a funny thing, Harry thought, as funny as relationships were. You see, Harry was aware Louis had dated multiple people since they'd rekindled their friendship, and in theory—just in theory—he also was very aware that they might have been a threat to his slightly odd relationship with Louis. Harry knew several of Louis’ exes that didn’t like him very much—and some others straight up hated him. So it didn’t come as much of a surprise when some of them told Louis he needed to cut off his relationship with Harry. 

And yet, Harry never felt threatened by them, not in the way he felt about Zayn. With him, the threat felt _real._ Harry didn’t know where he stood. The man was a wild card, because he was so much more than a simple boyfriend. He was Louis’ _soulmate_ —Louis’ words, never Harry’s—and if Zayn asked Louis to cut Harry off, unlike the rest, Louis would probably listen.

It wasn’t as if he was afraid of Zayn, he was just careful with him. That’s why every time he showed up and pulled Louis to his side without letting him go, Harry just politely smiled. And every time he offered his hand out to him, he shook it firmly and with no trace of hard feelings. Because there weren't any. Not _really._

Not even after he discovered the person who Louis always called first was Zayn and not him. Or when he found out Louis’ mom made them matching sweaters every Christmas while she barely remembered him. He was Louis’ new Harry, and sometimes—when the days ran slower, the alcohol tasted lighter, and the nights felt heavier—he wondered if there was even a Harry for Louis to replace to begin with. But there weren't any hard feelings. They were good because Louis was happy, and if Louis was happy...

“I didn’t know you were going to be part of the project…” he said with a neutral tone.

Zayn shrugged. “I’m part of the team, and this is by far one of our biggest projects, so where else was I supposed to be?”

Harry felt his jaw twitch before a body hit him from behind and climbed into his back.

“Hi,” said the only voice that actually mattered to Harry, “did you miss me?” he asked before leaving a cherry cola-flavored kiss on his cheek.

“I began to miss you as soon I left your apartment a month ago.” Harry turned his face to see blue eyes shining at him. “I really like your eyeshadow.” 

The boy giggled but before he could say or do anything more, Jason walked towards them. 

“Tomlinson, what the hell are you doing here?”

Louis’ smile was mischievous and bright, already anticipating the encounter. As soon as Harry had proposed the idea to Louis, they'd both known Jason wouldn’t be happy about it. He thought Harry always got too distracted when Louis was around and as much as he’d love to put some effort into denying it, his manager might be slightly right. Once Harry found _loubell_ and with it Louis, it didn’t matter that they hadn't spoken with each other for years, they just instantly clicked as if no time had passed. 

Now, Harry could stop and describe every curve of his body, every up and down, every point of inflection that broke all physics laws. From the way he played with his fringe when he got nervous to the way he hunched his shoulders and covered his mouth every time he giggled. 

Zayn, who had stayed quiet during their exchange, finally crossed his arms and arched his brow. “What do you mean?” he asked, as Louis said with an amused tone, “Why, Jason, you hired me”—he hopped off Harry’s back—“L28 belongs to _me.”_

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” Jason puffed out a long breath. “Did you know this?” He shook his head. “Of course you knew, why am I even asking. This shouldn’t be legal, you both scammed me.”

“I mean, can you be actually scammed if the money you’re using is Harry’s?”

“Can I talk to you for a second? _Alone_...” Jason looked at Harry sternly. 

Harry sighed and kissed Louis’ temple before whispering, “I’ll be right back, angel.” 

“Was this really necessary?” Jason reprimanded Harry as soon they were far enough away from Louis. “This is probably the most complicated scheme you have pulled so far to keep him close to you.”

“I really want his studio to make the tour documentary, you saw their work, it's fucking dope, things shouldn’t change because it’s him.”

“And why didn’t you just tell me this? Why did you have to fucking lie about it?”

“Because you get all weird and prickly about him!”

“No, the one who gets all weird is you, because you can’t control your dick _or_ jealousy around him,” Jason hissed exasperatedly. 

“I can…”

“No, you can’t, and believe me, Harry, I get it. But he _doesn’t_ feel the same as you or you don’t feel the same as him, I don’t fucking know. Thing is, you are _not_ on the same wavelength and you need to fucking accept that or else this is going to blow up in all our faces.”

“I don’t know what stories have come up in your head but it’s not what you think. He’s my best friend, he has always been, that doesn’t mean I’ll lose my head over him, I know what I’m doing.”

“Are you— _Harry_ …”

_“Jason…”_

“Are we really playing this game? _Fine_ , then describe to me how your four latest hookups looked like.” Jason’s harsh gaze softened at the sight of Harry’s confused face. “Look, I know everything in your life changed really fast and you never had the time to explore what you feel for Louis. It was promo, then tour, then him, and then tour again. I know as your manager, I should suggest you to solely focus on your work right now but, God knows why, I happen to care for you, and let’s be honest, things can get more complicated if you keep going like this.”

“Going like what?”

“Living in denial.”

**_All Or Nothin’_ **

**_Dublin, 2016_ **

_How I hope you’re true_   
_Give me everything I need_   
_I wanna please ya baby_

Harry got the news before going on stage, during the whole gig he felt wired as he’d been taking hits all night, pulse throbbing in his ear as the audience fed from his energy, he was high on fucking life. They were officially playing not only at Warped Tour, but also Panorama. They were doing okay in Europe, but now they were about to dominate the whole _world._

Sweat dripping down his neck and skin buzzing, he called the first person who wanted to tell the news.

“Hello, angel,” Harry’s voice felt far away, just like it always felt after a show.

“Hi, baby, how was the show?”

“Amazing, the crowd was wild,” Harry chuckled as he walked inside the small and crowded green room the venue had for them. “Hey… you also looked really amazing in the picture you posted today.

Giggles filled the line as he sat down in one of the ratty couches in the room. “Did you really like it? I wore the necklace you sent,” Louis added softly.

Harry was in a vintage store in Berlin when he saw the simple but very beautiful gold necklace with a moon inside a coin and knew he had to buy it for Louis. It wasn’t a _thing_ , he just happened to sometimes find things that could look pretty on Louis, things like rings, necklaces, chokers, belly belts. And it wasn’t as if Harry was just sending stuff to Louis without warning... They discussed it, _extensively_. 

They kinda had to after one of Louis’ friends interrupted one of their video calls saying that he imagined Louis’ “sugar daddy” very differently after he sent Louis a pair of expensive velvety pink high knee heeled boots. 

“I really did - you looked very pretty,” he said, voice sounding as soft as Louis’.

“Zayn wanted me to wear a choker because it fitted better with this week’s theme, but I really wanted to show the necklace, it’s my new favorite.” 

Because of course, Zayn was not only Harry’s official replacement but also Louis’ project partner, the person who helped to create loubell and the strong hands all over him on his Instagram account.

It turned out, loubell was as real as the sting of jealousy inside Harry’s chest every time Louis talked about Zayn and as fake as every time he sang _‘I hope these burning ears won’t last’._ The account started as a social experiment for a project that would end in a documentary piece for their finals—something about how social media was a new way of vanilla voyeurism, how people were so desperate to cling onto beings solely created for fantasies and make them holy, while also being completely ready to tear them apart at the first chance—but at the same time, it also had Louis’ essence all over it. 

Harry’s hand ran through his wet hair. “Zayn can fuck right off, you looked stunning, as always.”

“Who is that?” Mitch poked his ribs before nudging a bottle of beer on his hand. “Is it Lou? Tell him I say hi.”

“No,” Harry said, taking a sip of his beer as Mitch obnoxiously screamed, “Hii, Lou, loved today’s picture!” close to the phone.

“Hi Mitch!” Louis laughed good-heartedly. Harry tried to push the drummer away but he stubbornly grabbed Harry’s hand so he could also hear Louis. “I’m gonna use the concept you sent me for the next session.”

“Really? I have so many other ideas, I’m gonna send you the link to my boards on Pinterest.” 

Harry heard a faint chuckle from the other side of the line. “I’d love that.”

“Check your messages, I’ll leave you now because ‘rockstar boy’ here is two seconds away from strangling me.” 

“Since when are you sharing ‘concepts’?”

“I’m a visual artist at heart, Harry, deal with it.” Mitch sniffed before snatching his beer bottle from his hand and chugging its content in one big gulp. 

“Sure you are,” Harry grunted softly.

“Leave him be, he’s actually really good,” Louis said with an amused tone. “Hey, are you going to bring someone to your hotel tonight or can we talk?”

Harry had planned to bring not one but two people he met that same day at the restaurant of his hotel, they were only waiting for his text to come up to his room. 

“I’m all yours, actually, I called you because I have some news but I can tell you later.”

“What news? No, you can’t! You have to tell me now, you know you have to tell me now!”

Harry laughed, his long legs were sprawled out as he slumped back on the couch, body filling with delight at hearing Louis’ demands. He was such a brat. “We’re one of Warped’s headliners and we’re going to play at Panorama.”

“ _Oh my god,_ Harry, that’s huge, that’s—that’s more than huge, that’s massive, immense, enormous, please take the thesaurus away from me because I can keep going all night,” Louis sounded giddy and proud and Harry’s chest swelled with warmth.

“Yeah, I know, I’m still fucking processing it all, the guys are ecstatic.”

Harry’s band was small but powerful. It was only Mitch in the drums—his high school best friend and a major pain in the ass. He liked melted ice creams, loubell’s feed, and playing the drums until his knuckles bleed. Isaac, who was Mitch’s college roommate, on the bass and back vocals, who only began to play with them because he needed extra cash for his streaming subscriptions. He liked painting and screaming over Harry’s vocal’s. Lastly, Harry himself was on the guitar and as the frontman.

Sometimes they clashed for the stupidest of the things, but they worked and sounded fucking amazing.

“I bet they are! I’m so proud of you, you’ve worked so hard for this!”

“Yeah, it feels surreal,” he said earnestly. “but that wasn’t the only thing I called for…”

“No?”

“No, I actually wanted to ask you if you’d like to spend a few days with me at the Bentley? It’s not a suite or anything but it got room service and a jacuzzi.”

“A jacuzzi and a Meet & Greet with _the_ Harry Styles?” Louis whistled. “You know how to spoil someone, rockstar.”

Harry laughed. “Only the best for my angel. What do you say then?”

“Baby, you got me at jacuzzi, of course, I’d love to spend some time with you.”

“ _God_ , I can’t wait to finally see you again,” Harry groaned loudly and dramatically, not caring who would hear him.

“How long has it been?” Louis’ voice sounds soft and gentle.

“Fuck, baby, I don’t do math, but it’s been a very long time.”

“I feel I’m going to meet this whole new person but at the same time I’m going to see my best friend, I don’t even know if I’m making sense.”

“No, I get it, I feel the same way, I’m not the same kid you used to know but I’m still your best friend.”

“H, the bus is ready, we have to go,” Isaac said exasperatedly before walking out of the green room. Harry couldn’t even blame him, he knew how annoyingly corny he sounded when he talked with or about Louis.

“Hey, I have to go but I’ll call you as soon I get into my hotel room.”

“Take a shower first.”

“Are you calling me stinky?”

Louis giggled. “No, I just want you all relaxed and sleepy, I like when you look like that,” he said casually as if that simple sentence wasn’t sending Harry to other planets.

“Alright, I will. Send me a kiss first.”

Louis huffed but still sent a loud kiss to Harry. “Okay, bye now.”

“Bye, angel,” Harry murmured before hanging up.

Harry knew he was smiling after shoving his phone in his way too tight black jeans as he climbed onto the tour bus. Mitch smiled at him knowingly as Jason, Isaac, and the rest just side-eyed him. He knew he was smiling when he canceled his “date.” He took a quick shower before calling room service. He knew that same smile only grew wider and gentler during the entirety of his FaceTime call with Louis. 

For over a year, Louis began to shift again in front of Harry’s eyes, just like he did back then when he was growing up and only had memories of him. 

Louis was becoming as tangible and essential as music in his life. He still was a mystery but at the same time, he was one of the most real things Harry had. He just hoped he could live up to the image Louis probably had in his mind of him. 

He could play the part, after all, what was published of him wasn’t as detached from reality. He didn’t think of himself as a rockstar cliche, although he couldn't deny he did sleep around, partied a lot, and did some drugs. But then again, wasn’t that what the majority of his friends back in his hometown were doing at college?

However, there was this “cool factor” people who weren’t in his inner circle thought he had but in reality, he didn’t possess at all. And if he had to be honest with himself, he was a bit afraid Louis would catch onto that fact and just, maybe not reject Harry—because the Louis he knew would never do something like that—but be a bit _underwhelme_ by him.

Harry wanted to impress Louis, he didn’t want to disappoint or leave his expectations unfulfilled, so he’d give him the full rockstar experience.

It was a very simple plan, what could possibly go wrong?

**_European Leg, Paris._ **

His suite was filled with noise and people Harry didn’t know, but Jason said they deserved a good celebration after another week filled with sold-out venues. They were making it and it was all being caught on tape. Louis’ crew was everywhere, cameras following them each step of the tour. Even at that party there were two people filming all their moves, and oddly enough, it didn’t feel as invasive as he expected or as it sounded. 

Harry got used to their presence really quickly. They were like a big group of friends and treated him as if he was one of them. Maybe it was an order, maybe they genuinely liked Harry—either way, it helped a lot. The cameras felt natural, like a homemade project between friends. He didn’t feel like an animal being studied, he felt happy to know that in thirty years he would be able to go back and watch it all unfold.

Harry felt Louis shift on top of his legs, attention focused on the boy who sat on the couch in front of them as he let Harry play with his tummy, hand inside his shirt. The guy looked like a beefy golden retriever, happy smile on full display, only wanting to share love. 

Harry was disgusted by him.

“So you disinfect the rock with another rock?” Louis asked with genuine interest.

“Yeah, of course you have to put both rocks into boiling water but at least no corporation will receive my money.”

“Huh… how punk-rock.”

“Isn’t that unhygienic?” Harry drawled, annoyed, face almost completely hiding in the crook of Louis’ neck.

“Not at all, you clean yourself with water and the rock, your hand doesn’t actually touch any feces at any moment,” the guy said in a very thick Parisian accent. 

Louis snorted. “Didn’t you once snort a line from someone’s asshole?” He twisted his neck to look at Harry in amusement.

“It was the swell of an ass not the asshole and it was one time. Also, I wouldn’t really recommend it, waste of money, that’s why now I’m only sticking to natural recreational drugs, fewer problems.”

“And it’s even better when you cultivate them, man,” Target’s Thor replied. 

Harry saw Louis give the guy _The Look_ , eyelashes fluttering almost in slow motion. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Discount Captain America’s smile was almost blinding. “Hey so... are you with the band? Because I can take you to see my grow room today or tomorrow.” 

Harry ignored if that was his subtle way to ask if he was fucking Harry. Still, he pulled Louis closer to him.

“Kinda? But I can go with you tonight?” Louis said, gaze going from Conan the fucking Barbarian to Harry. 

And was he asking Harry? Should he reply?

“Amazing, do you want to leave now or…”

“Isn’t it too early to leave?” Harry grumbled. “It’s only one.”

“You think?” Louis tilted his head, an amused smile on his face.

“Yeah, don’t you wanna dance?” Harry poked his cheek with his nose. If Louis liked overgrown puppies, he could give him that.

“Here? With you?”

“Yeah, before you go?”

Louis laughed, exposing his neck to Harry, he left a small kiss there just because he could. “God, no, you’re a nightmare at dancing.”

“You are still going to dance with me,” Harry muttered, smiling against Louis’ ear.

Louis giggled, hand covering his mouth. 

“So… I’ll see you later?” White Thanos asked with an odd look on his face.

“Yeah, I guess I’m gonna dance now,” Louis said, eyes never leaving Harry’s.

They grabbed some bottles of tequila and went to Harry’s room. They did that all the time, when the party went on for too long or the crowd was too much, they spent countless nights talking with each other, whispering secrets. Some other nights, they also actually danced, like that particular one.

“I propose that every time you step on my foot we take a shot… _ow_.” Louis laughed, as he took a sip of tequila. “First one!”

“We are going to end up smashed then,” Harry grumbled.

“Isn’t that the point?”

“What about your date?”

“Milo?” Louis shrugged one shoulder. “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this but that ship kinda sailed.”

“Yeah? Oh, _shit—sorry_ ,” Harry apologized after stepping on Louis’ foot again. “Maybe you’re right, I am a nightmare at dancing,” he said as he took another shot.

“It’s alright, I like it when we dance.”

“I have an idea, take off your shoes.” Harry waited for Louis to do as he was told. “Now, put your feet on top of mine,” he said as he pulled him close to him, “there we go, no more stomping on those pretty feet.”

“Did you know I have one of the highest rankings on WikiFeet?”

“I’m not gonna ask how you know that,” Harry said, still smiling like a fool.

“Google is free,” Louis shrugged and wrapped his arms around Harry’s shoulders.

“Still not asking, but I’m not surprised by their ranking.”

“Have you been thinking about my high-ranking feet a lot?” Louis wiggled his eyebrows.

“They’re part of you so yeah…”

Louis scrunched his face. “Ew, kinky.”

“You’re giving me very mixed signals.”

“Ambiguity is my superpower.”

“Thought it was your beauty.”

Louis sighed dramatically. “That’s my crux. My intelligence is an extra gift.”

Harry laughed against Louis’ neck, heart suddenly too big for his chest. He left a tender kiss close to Louis’ earlobe, tongue lightly flicking the wet skin, making the boy gasp. Harry had the sudden urge to rip some more pretty noises from him; however, they weren’t like that anymore, they still touched and kissed but nothing more than that happened. 

Louis didn’t want to and Harry wasn’t going to push him to do it. Although they still slept together, in the strictest sense of the word. _Sleep,_ nothing more.

He wasn’t going to deny that Louis putting a stop to what they were doing had hurt. If Louis’ crux was his beauty, Harry’s was that he always wanted more from Louis than he could or would ever give him. 

The talk was vague and painful, Harry hadn’t asked for any explanation, he wasn’t ready to get his heart completely crushed before an award show, he simply accepted that Louis only wanted to be his friend, because he had to.

That was almost a year ago. Of that year, they didn’t speak for two months after their talk, Louis avoided him like the plague. The night he decided to finally call Harry, he was with someone and he did the only logical thing he could do. 

He answered Louis.

Because he’d take anything Louis would give him, even if it was just friendship.

**_The Original_ **

**_New York, 2016_ **

_I only go where I’m wanted_  
 _You only go where you want_ _I aim to be more like you._

New York was ruthless in the best way possible, it didn’t wait for anything or anyone, it kept moving whether you were ready or not. It was filled with different cultures and people with various shades of posed indifference. Trying desperately to not care.

Harry could understand why there were so many books and songs about it.

There were places—and people—who deserved to be poetized. Harry thought that the first time he saw Louis in New York, standing in front of a laundromat; purple, neon lights illuminating his face. In a city filled with people trying to shield their feelings, Louis looked at him with bright, open eyes.

“I can’t believe you’re finally here,” Louis whispered as Harry breathed him in while he hugged him. 

“I can’t believe you wanted to meet me again in a laundromat,” Harry teased Louis lightheartedly, nose burying in the crook of his neck.

“Oh, shut up.” Louis poked him softly on the ribs. “I didn’t expect you today and I just couldn’t cancel this.”

“Is it your laundry day?”

“Nah,” Louis said as he entered the building and walked through the washing machines, “and to be completely honest, I would never bring my clothes here to wash, almost all of the machines are broken and the rest are perpetually occupied.”

Harry’s eyebrows knitted. “Then what are we doing here?”

Instead of replying, Louis opened a door that connected to a big room filled with people and art. 

“We’re having a small exhibition.”

“In a laundromat?”

“And a bar, yeah.”

“Lou!” Someone hugged the boy from behind. “Ali just sold one of your pieces.”

“Really? So soon?” The man holding Louis nodded at him with a beaming smile before looking at Harry.

“Who is this?” The guy arched a brow at him.

 _“Oh shit,_ yes, remember the friend back home I told you about? This is him, this is Harry! Harry, this is Zayn, my best friend.”

“Your face looks familiar… Do you work at Lair?”

“Not really—”

“He’s in Rose Quartz,” Louis stated with a proud smile.

“Oh… the little band?”

Okay, Harry officially disliked him.

“It’s not a little band?!” Louis said with an outraged tone. “They’re already big in the indie scene and soon,” he said, touching Harry’s chest with his palm, “they will be loved by everyone.”

“If you say so,” Zayn rolled his eyes but there was no heat behind his words or actions. “Anyways, I promised Ali I’d help her to sell some pieces. Talk to you later, babes,” he said, before leaving a soft kiss on Louis’ temple.

Ignoring the pressure inside his chest at the sight of someone else hugging and kissing Louis with the same ease he’d used to, he finally paid attention to the paintings and pictures all over the cramped room. 

There were almost no faces in sight, just parts of bodies artistically and strategically placed to tell a story. Scars, freckles, birthmarks, and tears proudly showcased and exposed for everyone to see. Every piece felt personal and intimate in a way that not a lot of things felt.

“Which ones are yours?”

“Oh, those over there.” The picture showed a woman’s back surrounded by striving colored shadows in the form of suited people, each one of the colors was marked on her back with paint. “That one is called _Solitude_ and this one... is a small installation called _A ballad of a reality,”_ he said as he happily pointed to what looked to be a structure of a cube with the same proportions of an instagram picture on a large-scale. Each side portrayed a different—yet very familiar—picture, but every few seconds the model changed.

“I used loubell's most liked pictures and recreated them with several other models. I photographed and filmed them in full length and in a more professional way. Each model morphs into another every twenty eight seconds giving the idea that loubell could be anyone. The whole thing was inspired by, _I’m thinking about ending things._ ” Louis giggled into his sweater paws.

“I don’t know if you have read the book, but the main character says at some point that almost all memories are fictional and heavily edited by our own pleasure and need. And Louise or Lucy, or whatever you like to call her, thought that all could be faked but our thoughts.” He shrugged. “I thought it was a bit fitting. Loubell is as real as you want it to be.”

“I mean, not everything is fake, even loubell has some bits of you.”

“I mean, sure, if you want loubell to be real, it can be, in your mind, but loubell doesn’t exist, not really.”

Harry chuckled, confused. “How can you say that? You’re literally wearing something loubell would.”

“Well, yes, I _dress_ loubell, so it has my fashion sense. But for example, I have never in my life meditated or organized something in the way loubell does. All the little study notes? Not my handwriting and I don’t know how to cook or even own a pet. All that? Just loubell, not me.”

“Oh…” Harry knew things could be faked on social media. Hell, he knew what loubell was all about, but he never stopped to think about how _fake_ the fake account actually was. 

Louis cast his gaze down. “Are you disappointed that I'm not him?”

“Why would I be disappointed?” he asked, because he wasn’t. He didn’t need or miss loubell, he missed his best friend. 

He missed Louis.

Louis shrugged, not meeting Harry’s gaze. “Dunno, you looked a bit disappointed there,” he mumbled.

“I mean, it’s a bit of a bummer that I’m not gonna meet Bella, the poodle.” Harry softly nudged Louis’ side.

Louis laughed. “Oh, we can still meet her, even though her real name is Indigo.”

Harry hummed. “Yeah, she looks like an Indigo.”

They stayed there until close to midnight, until almost every piece of Louis’ work had sold out. Harry was unable to stop smiling, pride filling his body every time someone complimented Louis’ work. He might not understand much about art or the inspiration behind it, but he knew Louis was talented, and the pictures were beyond beautiful. 

Harry knew he was witnessing the beginning of a prolific career.

It was a good night, Harry got to meet so many new and interesting people while spending the night with one of his favorites in the world. He also got invited to different parties and more art galleries, he felt welcomed by almost all of Louis’ friends. The only exception being Zayn who—even after Harry tried his best to not frown at him—every time he pulled Louis into an honest to god unnecessary hug, still looked at Harry as if he had kicked his fake puppy.

Even when they were leaving he _very loudly_ told Louis he knew what to do if he felt uncomfortable and that he could be at Harry’s hotel in minutes.

“I’m sorry about that.” Louis scrunched his nose.

“No, it’s okay. I’m actually kinda glad you have someone who’s got your back.”

“Yeah, it’s very much mutual.”

Harry tried to swallow the jealousy that started to grow in the pit of his stomach to focus on what really mattered.

“Listen, you don’t have to go back to my place, we can catch up tomorrow. I know we used to have sleepovers all the time but we’re both adults now and I know it’s not the same as—”

“Hey, _woah, woah,_ slow down. I’m _really_ fine with it, I promise. I mean, it’s obvious we aren’t the same as we used to be—when the fuck did you grow so fucking tall? And _those arms?!_ — _Anyway_ , you’re still you, and I’m still me, we still talked until we fell asleep for the past six months almost every fucking day. I missed you and I don’t want this night to end right now. So can we please go to your nice and warm hotel room?”

“As you wish, angel.”

**_European Leg, Paris._ **

Harry woke up slowly and pleasantly, feeling completely relaxed and safe. His arm holding a pliant and warm body almost on top of him, arm and leg across his chest and stomach, clinging to him like a baby koala.

He didn’t need to open his eyes, didn’t even need to be fully awake to know who he was holding. He knew Louis’ body better than his own, knew every freckle, every mark. Knew if he moved his hand from his toned and lean torso to his lower tummy he would find the soft and warm flesh he loved so much to rub, bite, and kiss. Knew the sweet smell of his sleep-warm body. At the thought of it, he smiled and pulled Louis closer, soft hair tickling his lips.

“Your dumb dick is poking my thigh,” Louis grumbled, face moving to hide in the crook of his neck.

Harry snorted. “Well, seeing as how you're the one that’s crushing me with your leg...”

Louis gasped and pinched Harry’s stomach lightly. “It’s not crushing you, I’m as light as a feather. Maybe if your dick wasn't so big, or you weren’t so horny in the mornings,” he said, nose nuzzling closer to him.

“You know, you can still go to your room and sleep in your own very comfy bed.” Harry smiled against Louis' head as he pulled the boy closer to him.

“But who’s going to stroke my back and my legs in my own bed? That’d be so sad,” Louis said as he spread his hand over the bottom of Harry’s ribcage, lowering his leg over his hard cock. 

Harry kissed the top of Louis’ head as he continued to gently stroke his smooth leg, hips rocking lightly against the pressure. He could already feel Louis’ cock pulsing against him when the sound of an incoming call interrupted them.

“He’s been calling you all morning,” Harry whispered, arms still refusing to let Louis go. “I was really close to answering the phone.”

Louis hummed before pushing himself up to grab his phone. “You should have done it, he knows I’m with you, he’s fine with it.”

“Is lover boy really fine with it or—”

“Don’t start. He knows there’s nothing between us anymore, and even if there was something, you know Axel and I aren’t exclusive, so there’s that.”

Harry didn’t actually know about that part, or any other parts that had to do with Axel. He knew the basics: he owned several galleries, and helped Louis with some contacts for L28. What was even the point in learning more when he knew the man wasn’t really important, that he was just one man more that Louis would later forget about.

“Hey, _baby_ ,” Louis softly whispered after he answered the call, tone dripping with sweetness. He had never heard Louis talk with another person like that or call anyone else—besides Harry—baby. “I miss you too, what are you doing up so early? Isn’t it like five in the morning there?” 

Louis looked beautiful and soft as he talked with Axel, constellations etched over his skin—the same ones Harry used to map out with his tongue—a light flush adorning his cheeks, and a smile made of pure sunshine. Harry had to look away before doing or saying something stupid.

He knew that smile, and he thought that smile only belonged to him. He was clearly completely wrong.

Before that day, he refused to use the term heartbreak, because to his knowledge, hearts could stop but they couldn’t break. However, in that moment, as he saw Louis slipping away from him and falling in love with someone else right in front of his eyes, he finally understood what the saying meant.

Not only that, he also realized that the first crack in his heart didn’t happen that day, but years before.

  
  


**_Bermuda Locket_ **

**_New York, 2017_ **

_I wanna move you somewhere close to ecstasy_   
_I might tell you things some which you won't believe_

_I wanna view the signals that control your brain_   
_I need a taste, I need your everything._

After they played at Warped back in 2016, Rose Quartz got properly big in record time—in Harry’s eyes. They went from having a very small, but fierce and loyal fanbase, to trending worldwide and having covers on American magazines. 

The attention was a bit overwhelming at first, but before he could notice, he got used to it. He tuned out the bad and focused on the good. Never reading any comment or tweet about him, he stuck to Instagram and loubell. 

Half of the people who supported him thought Harry was behind the account, the other half thought the person behind it was his _secret-not-so-secret_ lover. If Harry encouraged that idea with his comments and stories, no one had to know.

Harry never meant to get that big, it was never his dream. He couldn’t tell interviewers he dreamed of being listened to by thousands of people. He didn’t fall in love with the stage at first sight, it was gradual, almost imperceptible. But he learned to love every second of it, to love every scream, every light, every chant. 

It happened as imperceptibly as the way his relationship with Louis switched yet again. He didn’t mean for things to change, not that first night at his hotel room where they hugged and laughed until both were crying and their stomachs hurt. Nor the next week when Louis took him to his favorite club and they danced until the lights turned on. Not even after he finished his first gig at Panorama and got to squeeze Louis, body sweating and trembling, filled with adrenaline. They held onto each other so fiercely, he was sure he could feel Louis’ heart against his lips when he kissed his neck. 

That same night, Louis kissed him for the first time in his hotel room, warm and cautious lips claiming his. He got to explore the body he had only dared to fantasize about for so long.

“You don’t understand how proud I am of you,” Louis whispered against his lips, arms wrapped around Harry’s neck as he let his hands travel from Louis’ back to his ass.

“Yeah?” Harry mouthed against Louis’ jaw, heart thundering inside his ribcage, head screaming at him to fucking _move faster_. That his dream was materializing in front of his eyes and he was frozen in time. 

Louis hummed and nodded, teeth sinking into the swell of his bottom lip at the feeling of Harry rutting his hips against him. His grip on Louis’ ass tightened, fingers trying to dig into his clothed crack.

“Fuck,” Louis exhaled as he pushed his ass back against Harry’s big hands.

“You like that, angel?” Harry grunted as he guided him to the bed.

Louis connected their lips again as a response, only breaking the kiss so Harry could take his shirt off and then pull off his own, leaving them in only their trousers. 

“Are you high?” Louis curiously asked, head tilted and no trace of judgment.

“No, do you want me to be?” 

“No, I want you to see me. I want you to remember this,” Louis said quietly and unsurely, as if Harry could ever forget this moment, as if he would ever want to see any other person who wasn’t Louis.

Harry cupped Louis’ face with his hands. “I see you. I _always_ see you.” 

Louis’ eyes fluttered shut and he let himself be kissed before falling onto the bed, pulling Harry down with him. He couldn't resist taking a moment to tease his pink nipple in his mouth as his hand hovered at the waistline of Louis’ jeans.

Harry froze for a split second, fingers grasping something lacy, then he slowly peeled Louis’ jeans down, uncovering a tiny pair of delicate, almost sheer lace panties showing off his flushed pink cock. 

Harry’s mouth watered instantly at the sight as he slowly stripped Louis from his jeans, savouring every moment, every sound that came from his mouth as his tongue ran over the soft fabric covering his balls until the lace was soaked with his saliva. Louis moved the hand Harry had on his hip and guided it behind himself.

Harry smirked against Louis’ thigh, before mouthing his way up to Louis’ jaw. “You want me here, baby?” Harry pulled the soft lace aside before licking into Louis’ mouth, no holding back, feral like a wild animal.

It was messy, Harry knew he was using way more teeth than he should, but Louis was whimpering under him, pulling him closer, asking for more. 

Harry raked his teeth over Louis' earlobe. “Want to ride me?” he whispered, before biting into flesh. “Come on my cock?” Louis’ legs opened wider for Harry. “My needy little thing,” he purred in Louis’ ear, fingers finding his entrance. “Wanna feel stuffed, baby?

“ _Please,_ please, need you so much.”

Harry let out a low grunt, fingers teasing the surface of Louis’ puckered hole before fumbling for the condoms and lube in his bedside table. He wanted to make this night good for Louis, so good to the point that he would want more, that every time he was with someone new he thought about Harry. 

When he turned back, his cock twitched inside his too-tight, black jeans at the sight of Louis’ flushed face and neck, glimmering with sweat, hand going up and down from his tummy to the tip of his cock now poking out of his panties. No picture, no pose would compare with how he looked in that moment in front of Harry. 

“Aren’t you fucking exquisite?” He kissed Louis’ inner thigh before sinking his teeth into the soft flesh. “Every bit of you, from the tip of your toe to the top of your head, _fucking perfect._ ”

Louis didn’t hold back his whimper, pushing Harry’s head firmly against his skin, fingers tight on his hair as he left livid bruises all over his body. He couldn’t stop kissing the boy, even as he shifted to push his jeans down or soaked his fingers with lube, he just couldn't get enough of Louis’ lips, his skin, his sweat. It was addictive, more than any drug he had ever tried.

They were flushed against each other, rutting like animals in heat, desperate and clumsy. Harry’s hard dick sliding against Louis’ thigh as his lubed fingers opened him.

 _“Harry,”_ he whined desperately, seeking for more friction, ass clenching around his fingers.

“ _Fuck,_ okay, baby,” Harry hissed as he carefully pulled his finger out. Louis let out a loud whimper and looked at Harry with betrayed eyes. “I know, petal, but I think you’re ready to ride me.”

Louis’ breath hitched before he pushed Harry onto his back and clumsily climbed on top of him. 

“I promise I’ll wake you up tomorrow with a blowjob,” Louis whispered as he hungrily stared at Harry’s painfully hard cock and rolled a condom on, taking his time to feel the length and the girth. Harry didn’t know what was making his dick throb more: Louis’ hands, the idea of him waking him up with a blowjob, or the fact it wasn’t going to be just a one night thing.

You don’t have to—” Harry began, but he cut off with a harsh breath when Louis aligned himself onto his cock, the fat head breaching his tight asshole. Harry could lose himself in the sight of Louis’ parted lips, small frown on his face and pink lace delicately cutting the skin of his hips. 

“ _God,_ this is—you’re—” Louis choked out as he bottomed out, eyes fluttering shut and head falling back. 

“That’s it, beautiful.” Harry gritted his teeth on a groan as his hands caressed up and down Louis’ back soothingly. Instinctively, he moved his hips causing Louis to sink even deeper onto him, Harry’s balls flushing against his perineum.

“You feel bigger inside, you—it’s insane,” Louis slurred as he began to move up and down. “Too long, too wide, too _everything._ ” 

“You like that, baby? You like to feel full with cock? _My_ cock?” Harry asked, fingers carving bruises intoon Louis’ skin, marking him as his.

 _“Yours, yours, yours,_ ” Louis said, repeating it like a mantra as he continued to ride Harry in a frenzy, as the sound of skin slapping skin filled the room.

One of his hands left Louis’ hips and wrapped around the boy’s cock as the other pulled him down with force while Harry began to meet his wild thrusts. 

“Oh _god_ ,” Louis said breathlessly, leaning back to brace his hands on Harry’s bent legs. Louis’ tender insides clenched around him as he fucked him fast and hard, until one of his thrusts made the boy moan louder than ever before. “Do that again, do— _please_ ,” he said with a strangled and desperate voice.

Harry pushed Louis up, forcing his body off his cock before impaling him again with one rough stroke. Harry was sure he could make beautiful music with the strangled mewl Louis let out as he slammed his cock into him.

Louis looked like a sin with the face of an angel. He was the apple, the snake, _and_ Eve. He was the embodiment of temptation and Harry couldn’t help but lose control, flipping them over, moving both of Louis’ legs over his shoulders before mercilessly ramming his cock into Louis again.

Harry’s hand grabbed Louis’ cock, thumb playing with the precome of its tip. “God, you’re so wet,” he said gruffly in Louis’ ear as he kept fucking into him, sweat dripping from his face to Louis’.

“I’m gonna come,” Louis wailed, eyes squeezed shut as Harry licked the tears on his face.

“Then come, angel.” 

And as if it had been an order Louis arched his back as come spurted out of his cock, warmth spreading between their bodies as Harry fucked him through it. He buried his face in the crook of Louis’ neck, shoving his cock deep inside him one more time before he was coming too with a soul-deep groan.

After they both recovered, there was a moment of pure silence where Harry thought he might have fucked things over with his best friend. However, he didn’t have enough time to worry before Louis was giggling against his shoulder underneath him.

“I’m pretty sure you’re going to have to carry me everywhere tomorrow.”

“I don’t think that’d be a problem,” he said as he rolled onto his back, pulling Louis on top of him. “Did I really hurt you a lot?” he asked worriedly.

“No, you were incredible, I’m just not very used to the, well… size.”

Harry could swear Louis was blushing, but it also could be a result of the extenuation of their activities. He looked gorgeous; crimson cheeks, bitten lips, and skin displaying the angry bruises Harry left with his mouth and hands. 

It was a well known fact Harry loved to see Louis in jewelry, he always thought he looked the prettiest with his neck surrounded by gold, pearl, and diamonds but suddenly he found out he liked Louis’ neck even more when surrounded by his marks.

“I have something for you,” Harry said quietly, afraid to disrupt the moment, still erupted by naked body.

“What is it?” Louis brushed Harry’s wet hair back from his forehead. “Is it another kiss? Because I’d gladly accept another of those.” Harry could write dozens of songs about the smile he was giving him at that moment.

He laughed. “No, but I can also give you more of those,” he said before kissing Louis, tongue softly licking into his mouth. 

Louis hummed into the kiss. “Lucky me.” Harry could feel his smile against his lips, the simple gesture making his soft cock twitch. Louis broke the kiss with a hard laugh. “ _Really?_ That does it for you?”

“Oh, shut up,” Harry groaned before rolling over to tickle Louis’ tummy. 

“ _No, no, please_ , no, wait,” Louis squealed as he tried to free himself from Harry. “I thought you had a gift for me! Where is my gift!” he said between laughter.

“Oh, _now_ you want your gift.” Harry half laughed half groaned against Louis’ neck before letting him go. “Open the left drawer.” He pointed at the nightstand on Louis’ side of the bed. 

And, _oh god,_ Louis had a side in his bed.

“Harry...“ Louis whispered in awe as he opened the velvety box. “It’s beautiful, I… this looks really expensive,” he said, holding the necklace.

Harry shrugged. “It’s just a locket,” he said, because it was easier to say that than that as soon as he’d seen the pearl locket on his trip to Bermuda, he couldn’t stop thinking about how much it resembled what Louis was; delicate and strong, surrounded by intricate yet beautiful patterns, _unique_. 

“Well, I think it must be the prettiest locket in the entire world,” Louis softly commented, handing the necklace to Harry before turning his back at him. 

“Angel, believe me,” Harry whispered close to Louis' ear as he put the necklace on Louis, before tenderly kissing his shoulder. “I know…”

**_European Leg, London_ **

Harry was doing fine. Better than that, he was doing _amazingly_. Charming every person who walked in the studio to interview him for his newest album. He laughed at the right cues and flirted when he had to. The album was about loving life and longing for home, just that. 

Sometimes New York was just a place and a bermuda locket was just a bermuda fucking locket.

“Would you please tell me what the fuck you’re doing?” Jason said exasperatedly as Harry finished another interview.

“What are you talking about? I’m doing my job, what else am I supposed to do?”

“You look like a constipated robot with a fucking malfunction.” Jason put a bottle of water in front of him.

“No, I don’t…”

“Harry, you said ‘Ever’ was about climate change, what the fuck?”

He shrugged. “It _could_ be about climate change.”

“Not with, _‘_ You make that dance look so new and I’m in awe. I'm yours tonight.’, as the lyrics, it can't be!”

“I’m in love with Louis,” Harry blurted out for the first time out loud. 

Jason blinked at him. “That’s good, right? I mean, I’m glad you finally came to the obvious conclusion, I just don’t understand, why are you—”

“He’s in love with someone else and I have to move on,” Harry interrupted Jason, rubbing his hands all over his face.

“Fuck… me…” Jason sat on the couch. “Did he tell you that?”

“No, I saw it.”

“Zayn?”

Harry snorted at the irony of it all. “Curiously no, it’s not him… it’s the guy he’s been seeing.”

“The gallery guy? He doesn’t even talk about him!”

“Maybe he’s scared to show too much, Louis has always been a very private person.”

“He has an Instagram account with almost a million followers.” Jason pointed out.

“An account where he doesn’t show his face or actual personal information, that he only uses to promote art, and sometimes _my_ music,” Harry countered.

“Alright, alright”—Jason put his hands up—“don’t get all spiky… What are you going to do then?”

“I told you, I’m gonna have to get over him. He’d be crushed if he finds out I’m moping because he’s happy. I need to be okay for me and for him.”

“Okay, that’s nice, but... how are you going to do that?”

After a few minutes of silence Harry said, “You’re going to help me.”

“Help you with what?” 

“To fall out of love,” Harry said, fully knowing that history was repeating itself and that there was no real way out of it. 

**_Pleaser_ **

**_London, 2017_ **

_I’m aware there’s something I should tell you_   
_But my voice annoys me_   
_Bite my tongue off with a smile_   
_I can’t feel it anymore_

To Harry, there were a few undeniable things in the world; there was sunlight, there was oxygen, and there was Louis Tomlinson’s beauty. Before Louis, Harry didn’t even know boys could be that pretty. He had traveled the world, watched the most spectacular sunsets, had marveled at the most beautiful landscapes, and yet Louis was still the most beautiful view. Nothing and no one compared to him. 

He could talk about practically anything to him, from the new countries he was playing at, to the people he slept with. Louis never batted an eye or judged him. He made Harry feel seen and understood. 

Louis was the only person who could make Harry’s heart beat fast and wild or completely stop, just with a smile. He cherished every part of Louis, including his mind and heart. Because Louis was lovely on the skin but even lovelier from within. 

Knowing all of this, to come home from a tedious party to find Louis sprawled on his couch, using his clothes and asking for—no, _demanding_ —food, moved something inside Harry, because it felt like that’s exactly how his life and the universe ought to be.

Then, Louis smiled brightly and unabashedly at him. A Harry smile, just for him. And with that, his world shifted again.

 _I’m falling for you,_ Harry thought, calmly and easily. As if the realization wouldn’t change everything, as if it wouldn’t have the possibility of dooming his relationship with Louis, turning it into a time bomb ticking. _I’m falling so hard and I want to drag you down with me._

“Are you okay?” Louis sat up with a frown on his face.

 _I think I want to marry you._ Harry wanted to say. “Yeah, I’m just… I thought you were going to spend the night with your grandparents before flying back to New York tomorrow,” he said instead.

“I texted you that I was going to come over after all.” Louis shuffled, probably searching for his phone. “I also sent you a Words with Friends match but you never replied, this means I won by default—no no, don’t even think about saying that’s not a thing because it totally is and it’s already written in my phone notes.” He showed Harry his notes. “I cannot delete that, I won fair and square. Did you bring food from the party?”

_My god, I want to have a family with you._

“Uh…” Harry was so afraid to talk and spill everything he was feeling. The last thing he wanted was to ruin what he had with Louis. It would break his heart and he wasn’t sure he would ever recover from that. He needed to back off and for that, he needed Louis to back off too. And there was only one way to do that. “No, I…I met someone tonight,” he lied. 

For a moment, everything went really quiet. 

“That’s… _wow…_ that’s really cool, that’s—amazing.” Louis smiled at Harry. 

Harry felt something bitter grow inside him at the reaction. “Mmm, yeah, I’m—I’m very excited he’s… _tall_ ,” he said very eloquently. He laughed bitterly, not knowing what he was trying to do, he didn’t know why he said that. He just knew he needed a reaction from Louis, even if it was a negative one.

“Oh… umm guess, well… I guess that’s good. Maybe that’s your type. You date a lot of tall people...”

“Not _this_ tall,” Harry stubbornly bragged about his imaginary date.

“Well, let’s give our pal Gulliver a prize...” Louis sat up and stomped to the kitchen. He was mumbling things Harry couldn’t understand until he walked behind him. “…as if the oxygen up there were better, extra large limbs, try to fucking bend over with _that_ ,” he said as he raised himself with his tiptoes to reach and open Harry’s pantry with no success. 

“You do know your height has nothing to do with your flexibility, right?” Harry said close to Louis’ ear as he easily opened the pantry. “Want some cereal?”

“I don’t know why you put all the good things up there, it’s annoying. Stop being annoying.” Louis grabbed the cereal, turning to face Harry looking like a disgruntled kitten. Harry wanted to kiss him all over.

“Your cereal is here.” Harry opened a cupboard beside Louis. “So are your sweets. What were you even looking for on the top shelves? There’s only my boring cereal and canned soup.” Harry titled his head waiting for an answer.

“I wanted soup,” Louis said, squeezing the cereal.

“And my cereal.” Harry pointed at the box before moving his face closer to Louis and his hands delicately grabbed his hips.

“The combination sounds quite tasty.” Louis shrugged.

“Music to your culinary ears?” Harry smiled, nose caressing Louis’. 

“Indeed,” Louis said, tilting his head, giving Harry a silent instruction of what he should do next. 

He happily obliged. 

“Then,” Harry said, slowly nuzzling Louis’ neck, “let me make you some soup, dearest.” He squeezed his hips and quickly kissed his nose before grabbing a soup and a pot.

Louis’ eyes bulged with horror. “Wait— _now_?”

“Of course,” Harry said, already opening a can of tomato soup. “Let’s have a feast with the food you’re most craving.” He poured the can into a pot with a broad smile. He was so going to regret this.

“Wait, so even the cereal?”

“Well…” Harry trailed off. “We have two options; you can pour two bowls of the boring cereal you’re craving so much, even though you have said several times that you, and I quote, ‘ _detest’_ it. Or… you can admit you just wanted me to hold you while you were having a strop about tall people, because you know damn well I can’t resist you on your tiptoes.”

Louis sniffed. “Don’t be daft, you can never resist me. Besides,” he added dramatically, “I was _not_ having a strop about tall people. There’s no need to have one. I was actually feeling a bit sorry for them—what do they even do with all the extra bones in their bodies, huh?”

“That’s not how anatomy works, tall people don’t have extra—” Harry turned to see cereal already in a bowl and a carton of milk in Louis’ hand. 

“I’m just saying,” Louis said, pouring the milk into the bowl. “Think about me when your tall man misses a step, because it will be a pretty big fall.” 

“ _Fuck this,_ ” Harry grunted, before closing the gap between Louis and himself, kissing him hard. “You’re a stubborn brat,” he whispered against Louis’ lips.

“But the tomato soup,” Louis whined with fake concern as he opened Harry’s jeans.

“To hell with that, I’m going to fuck you right now,” Harry said, as he frantically helped Louis to take all his clothes off. “Are you plugged, baby?” he asked even though he already knew the answer, him being the one to plug Louis before leaving his house that morning.

“Yes,” Louis hissed as Harry pushed his buttplug deeper inside him before slowly and carefully pulling it out.

“Then climb me, princess,” Harry said, placing both of his hands on Louis’ cheeks and spreading them out.

Louis effortlessly encircled Harry’s waist with both his thighs, letting himself be manhandled and carried. Harry, knowing the boy was well stretched but not so well lubed, opened a cupboard to find coconut oil. Louis quickly noticed what he was about to do and protested.

“Don’t you dare put that in my ass,” Louis said as he bit Harry's bottom lip, hard.

“ _Ow_ , why? I read an article that said it’s one of the best natural lubricants for anal sex, baby, don’t worry,” Harry said, opening the bottle with one hand.

“You use that for food,” Louis said, licking Harry’s neck. “What were you doing reading about natural lubes?”

A throaty laugh escaped from Harry as he poured oil onto his hand, making a mess in the process. “Research and who cares, I eat you out all the time, you taste amazing,” Harry said, circling Louis’ ring with the pads of his middle and forefinger to then slowly push them inside of Louis.

“That’s— _fuck,_ so unhygienic, I hope tall boy loves how I taste too, then,” Louis said before kissing Harry roughly and possessively. Harry grunted at the feeling, enjoying every second of Louis’ jealousy.

This wasn’t part of Harry’s plan. He was supposed to stay away from Louis, not fuck him in his kitchen, not whisper how he was the best and that everyone should feel lucky to even smell him.

He was supposed to protect this relationship, not dig a deeper hole for its grave.

They were sprawled on Harry's couch, both sweaty and exhausted, Harry with a dopey smile on his face, not remembering why he even wanted to stay away from Louis.

“Hey… umm… if you want to explore new things…” Louis whispered against Harry’s chest, not daring to look at him. “You can ask your boyfriend if you, you know… want to try, or well if you both want… I—nevermind…” Louis laughed, burying his face even more against Harry.

“What, baby?” Harry whispered reassuringly. “You can tell me anything.”

“I— _Fuck_ … okay. If you guys ever want to bring someone else one night, and you’re missing me and well… I’m missing you, I don’t know, we could—”

Harry was confused by his own feelings, he would love to have Louis even when he supposedly was in a relationship, maintaining a casual and aloof façade that could definitely save their friendship. However, on the other hand, Harry wasn’t really sure if he was ready to see Louis kissing and fucking somebody else.

 _I’ll have you in any way you let me._ Harry's stubborn brain thought. “I don’t… think that’d work out for any of us, sorry,” he said instead, a bit choked.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Louis said hurriedly, “that—that’s completely okay, I get it.” His face was crimson red, but his eyes had an unreadable look.

“It’s just, I don’t know if I want to share,” Harry whispered honestly, the last thing he wanted was to share Louis. “I’m really, _really_ sorry.”

“Hey,” Louis said, looking at him for the first time since the conversation started. “It’s okay, baby, don’t apologize.” He caressed Harry’s cheek. “It was a bit selfish of me but you’re right. You deserve this and I’m honestly really happy you found someone you feel so strongly about. You deserve someone good, to feel love.”

And wasn’t that ironic? Because, Harry thought, Louis not only deserved someone good but the _best_ . Louis with his bright eyes and noble heart, who could be soft and tender or as sharp as a blade. Louis, whose voice sounded like melted honey, warm and velvety in Harry’s ears and loud, loud, _loud_.

Harry knew from the get-go that he wasn’t what Louis needed or wanted. Harry with his insecurities and fears, with his jealousy. 

So there he was, lying with the boy of his dreams trying his hardest to fall out of love with him. Because Louis deserved better, even in friends. And Harry could do it, he could be the best friend Louis actually needed.

“Okay,” Harry mumbled.

Everything felt immensely fragile, as if Harry could feel how Louis was beginning to slip through his fingers. He held him closer and tighter to himself. Louis did exactly the same and Harry wondered if the boy felt as scared as he did.

Two weeks later Harry was the one calling Louis to join him and Xander for a night, and a new set of rules began. He fucked Xander for almost a year. It was practical and made Louis kiss him harder, ride him faster, and hug him longer. 

The day Xander ended things with him he asked why he didn’t try to tell Louis how he really felt. Harry simply replied that he refused to ruin him.

Xander gave him a sad smile and said, “I think you’re already doing that.”

**_Oceania Leg, Sydney_ **

The only thing Jason did to help Harry to get over Louis was to give him a clap on the back and the option to not let Louis onto his floor of the hotel. He rejected both. The last thing he wanted was Louis feeling any change in his relationship with Harry—it wasn’t his fault it took him years to finally decide he _needed_ to let Louis go. 

Harry noticed the boy at the beginning of their soundeck at Qudos Bank—their first arena in Australia—camera bigger than his entire face, moving at the same time Harry did, in sync. 

He turned around to see if Mitch knew who he was but the face of his friend echoed Harry’s confusion. They played two more songs before his curiosity got the best of him.

“Hey, you, the one with the camera,” Harry said into the microphone. 

The boy looked around, feigning innocence before mouthing, “Me?”, big blue eyes sparkling with mischief. Harry was intrigued. 

“Yeah you, do you work at the arena?”

The boy chuckled. “I work for you, rockstar,” he semi-screamed from his place in the crowd.

Harry frowned, confused by the information, he was almost sure Louis and his team were handling that. “Says who?”

“My contract?” The boy tilted his head, brown hair looking impossibly silky thanks to the stage lights. He was looking at Harry as if he were the dumbest person he had ever met, and for some reason that made Harry want to smile.

“I think you better talk about this with Jason right now,” Mitch said with a concerned gaze. “I was just talking with Louis this morning about this new technique he wanted to try with us, I don’t think he knew about this.”

“Has he?” Isaac said tiredly from his place. “I mean, he can talk with Jason later, after the soundcheck, but has he got to go right now?”

“Yes, _now_ , he has to.”

“Why?” Isaac insisted. “Don’t you think Louis needs a well-deserved break? I don’t know if you both forgot about this but he isn’t here to take shots of your best angles. The poor guy has been splitting himself in half since the beginning of the tour, directing his crew and taking pictures of you two. It’s not fair for him, it’s a lot of work for one single person.”

“Well…” Mitch blinked. “I still have a feeling _here_.” He touched his stomach. “It’s not good.”

Isaac rolled his eyes. “I think you just finally became allergic to gluten.”

“Don’t you _dare_ say that ever again!”

Harry was aware that Isaac was right, it wasn’t fair to Louis, not in the slightest. It didn’t matter how much he loved to feel Louis’ eyes on him during his shows, or how much he was going to miss the secret signals and smiles as he danced around the stage with his camera. Louis deserved to fully focus on his job without feeling overworked, and if that meant accepting a new photographer in the middle of the tour, so fucking be it.

“As riveting as this is, I think grumpy over there is right and you need to continue with the soundchek, because I might not have ‘Louis’ new techniques’”—he winked at Mitch—“but I still have to do my job.”

Harry suppressed another smile. “Well, if you say so, we must continue now. Let’s not keep the prince waiting.”

“Formalities aren’t really necessary, you can call me Noah, your new photographer.”

“Well, welcome to the team, Noah, my new photographer.”

“All yours,” Noah said with a mischievous grin before taking a snap of Harry as he let the smile he was suppressing run free, wide and honest.

“Very, _very_ bad feeling,” Mitch murmured behind him.

The soundcheck continued without any other interruption, Harry was about to follow Noah to the member’s lounge afterwards when he heard Louis' voice coming from one of the dressing rooms.

“I just don’t understand. What’s the point of bringing a new photographer in now. We are taking pictures, _I_ am taking pictures, aren’t they good enough?”

“They’re plenty good, it’s just not your job. Our team isn’t paying you for taking pictures.”

“I don’t mind taking them.”

“You can’t do everything, this is me _helping_ you.”

“Is it?” Louis inquired with an odd tone.

“Yes! What other reasons could I have for bringing a new photographer for the tour?”

“I don’t know… you tell me why you’re only bringing him on in the middle of the tour… why _now_?” Louis said in an accusatory tone.

“What’s going on?” Harry stepped inside the room, aching to hold and comfort Louis but stopping himself at the sight of Jason’s hard look. “I heard you talking about Noah,” he said instead, as he crossed his arms in a weak attempt to control his limbs. 

“Who’s Noah?” Louis frowned. 

“The new photographer,” Jason said cautiously. “I gather you already met him,” he told Harry.

“Yeah, at soundcheck.”

“Everything alright?” The question was charged but Harry couldn’t point out exactly what Jason was really trying to ask. 

“Yeah, he’s…” Harry licked his lips, a small smile growing on his face again. “Cool.”

“Oh…” Louis’ brows knitted even more. “Well, if… uh, if you think he’s alright, we can split the work, he takes some pictures in some places and I—”

“I don’t think that’s really necessary, Noah can do the work,” Jason chimed in.

Louis arched a brow, a fierce look on his face. “Okay, that’s your opinion and it’s very valid but this isn’t your show—this is _Harry’s_ show.”

Hearing Louis talking like that always made Harry’s body light up with want. He had to bite his lips hard to suppress any type of praise for his boy. “I think Jason is right,” Harry forced himself to say instead. “You’re doing too much for me, and I’d hate if you were to get sick because of that. I can’t keep burdening you like this.”

Louis’ face shut down, leaving a blank mask and an unreadable look. Harry wanted to take everything back—to hell with the new photographer—he just wanted to give Louis anything he wanted.

 _But what about what he needs?,_ said a stubborn voice inside his head, who oddly sounded like Isaac.

“Angel, I—”

“No, you’re right, I need to take a step back, maybe now it’s time,” Louis said with a neutral voice and a small smile on his face. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some stuff to check for tonight’s show.”

“Louis, wait—” Harry began to move before Jason grabbed him by the shoulder.

“Let him go, H, we also have stuff to do.” Harry wanted to protest, but Jason’s eyes looked tired and a bit melancholic. 

Giving one last look to the door where Louis walked out, he nodded at Jason and allowed his manager to drag him out of the room, far away from Louis.

**_Golden_ **

**_New York, 2017_ **

_We were golden_   
_Got nothing but time_   
_We were golden_   
_I see how perfect you are for me_

The first time Harry realized he wanted to take care of Louis was after his first meeting with L28’s investors. A meeting where Louis fiercely fought for his dream for hours, for what they deserved, not only as a studio, but as artists. Louis sat there and showed them stats, results, and even brought in a lawyer. 

From afar, the situation looked exhaustive and almost impossible. He was in his twenties fighting against big old sharks as if they were little fishes. He was quick and witty and Harry was fascinated by him. 

After hours and hours of discussion, when they were finally sprawled on their—because to Harry, his brand new loft also belonged to Louis—couch, Louis looked happy, yet so very small. The sight made Harry’s heart constrict inside his chest. He knew Louis was larger than life and was going to take care of it all. However, Harry’s mind kept screaming at him, _But who’s going to take care of Louis?_

Without thinking much, he got up and went to the fridge; he collected water, fruit, and Louis’ favorite chocolate.

“Come sit here,” Harry said, sitting on the couch after he put all the things on the coffee table.

“What?” Louis frowned, but easily moved closer to Harry.

“Sit on my lap,” Harry commanded. He was almost sure he was going to have to convince Louis to do so. They fucked around when they needed to, but they never did these types of things outside the bedroom, or after their drunk encounters.

“Okay,” Louis breathed out.

Harry’s body filled with some type of electricity— _he didn’t have to repeat himself_. For some strange reason, he wanted to praise Louis because of it, tell him how good he was. “Are you comfortable?” he questioned instead.

“Mhm.” Louis blinked softly.

“Good,” Harry said, as he moved a bit to grab the tray with water and food. “Here.” He held a bottle of water for Louis. “Small sips,” he ordered, and Louis obeyed. This time his mouth was quicker than his mind and without realizing he was saying, “ _Good boy,_ ” close to Louis’ ear.

For a few seconds everything stilled and a wave of mortification ran through his body, but then he felt Louis’ body going lax as a small whimper escaped from his mouth.

“Open wide, baby.” Harry’s voice sounded even lower than before as he hand-fed Louis a strawberry. Juice was dripping over his finger and hand. “I’m all sticky now.”

“Maybe I could… umm…”

“What, baby?” Harry asked, fully knowing what Louis was craving to do. Sticky fingers playing with his bottom lip.

As a form of reply, Louis parted his lips, tongue flicking over Harry’s thumb like an invitation. Harry slipped his finger inside Louis’ mouth easily, body vibrating and trying to suppress a grunt from the feeling of Louis sucking him clean. He pulled one finger out and fed him another.

“You’re so lovely. So, _so_ lovely.”

Louis almost mewled as he tilted his head against the hand that was stroking his cheek. Stained red lips silently pleading for more, and Harry was so prepared to give him everything. He looked like a pretty flower ready to bloom. 

“Let me take care of you, angel.”

“ _Please,_ ” Louis whimpered.

He didn’t exactly know what he was doing, just that it felt right. Taking care of Louis, holding him down, taking over just for a few hours, maybe a night.

He hand-fed Louis a few more times, watching how, slowly but surely, all the tension in his body escaped. Harry had never felt this way before, dizzy with desire to hold and protect someone.

“You like this, baby?” Harry whispered, cleaning Louis’ bottom lip with his thumb. “You like me taking care of you?” he said, before kissing Louis’ lips. “My sweet angel, I want to spoil you rotten.”

They never talked to each other like this, not even when they fucked. Harry has tried before with other people but it felt too intimate, almost wrong. While with Louis it felt perfect, _right._

All that was new and a bit scary, it felt like too much of everything: desire, tenderness, power. He still laid Louis on the couch, and without thinking much, he pinned both his hands above his head. Louis moaned against his mouth at the feeling and spread his legs so Harry could fit between them.

Harry’s skin prickled with anticipation. He wanted to crawl inside Louis’ skin, under his bones, and be part of him, mark him all up. This on the other hand, wasn’t a new feeling for him, and Louis looked so ready for it. He was pleading for Harry, with voice and body, giving him all the access and permission.

He undressed him slowly before kissing Louis behind his ear, just the way he liked, trailing slowly down his neck until he reached his already hard nipple. Louis whimpered and tensed beneath Harry at the feeling of his teeth softly caressing it.

“Harry, _please.”_

“What do you want, lovely? Ask me and I’ll give you anything you want.”

“I…” Louis trailed off, eyes slightly unfocused. “I want anything you want,” he whispered, almost shyly. Harry has never seen Louis like this. “I want to—I want…”

“To be my good boy,” Harry finished with a gravelly voice before biting softly on his nipple, eyes never leaving Louis’. “Right, angel?”

Louis let out a mixture between a moan and a deep sob. He was still looking at Harry with reverent eyes and a flushed face. Harry didn’t need a reply, but he still encouraged one.

“Is that okay?” Louis whispered, shy and sweet, and Harry could melt on the spot. “I don’t want to be _too_ greedy.”

“ _Lovely…”_ Harry almost grunted, lips now brushing Louis’ as he talked. “You could never be too greedy. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I want and need to give it to you.” He mouthed the words into Louis’ jaw. “ _Bad,”_ he whispered, before kissing Louis’ throat, teeth biting him. _“Hard._ Just let go for me, I got you.”

“ _Please_.”

Harry pulled back and licked Louis’ neck. “Please what, baby?”

“Want to let go.”

“My good boy,” Harry whispered, trailing his lips down. Louis’ muscles quivered under every part his tongue touched. “Let me take care of you, make you feel so good until the only thing you need to think about is how full of my come your pretty hole is going to be.” He tugged Louis’ joggers down to nibble at his pelvis. “Would you like that? Me filling you up and fucking all your worries away?” 

Louis let out another cry. Harry wondered if it was due his words or the fact that he was slowly lowering his pants, biting and sucking every inch of naked skin, desperate and hungry, as if he was a starving man.

“ _God,_ baby, you’re so soft,” Harry grunted, before dragging his tongue over Louis’ hard balls. “Your skin, your eyes, your _voice…_ ” he said, pushing the material of Louis’ pants even lower. The kisses turned languid, sloppier, more tongue than teeth, but still leaving a mark on Louis’ delicate skin. “Everything about you is soft and beautiful. Like a flower petal. You’re my _petal,_ ” he said, sucking a big mark on Louis’ thigh. “My soft petal.” 

Harry felt a hand over his head, pulling his hair a bit. “Now, baby, did I tell you you could move your hands?”

“But I—”

“But nothing,” Harry cut him off as he grabbed Louis by the hips and pulled him down. “Tonight, you will let me please you, understood?” 

Louis mewled as his eyes lost a bit of focus.

“That’s not a reply, petal.” He nosed down between Louis’ shoulder and jaw to whisper, “I said, _understood?”_

“ _Please,_ yes.” 

“Yes what? Yes, you will continue being a brat?”

“I’ll be a good boy. I understood.”

“That wasn’t that hard, right, baby?” said Harry, molasses thick as he pulled a piece of cherry gum in the form of a heart from his jeans pocket. “Now…” He pulled Louis' bottom lip with his thumb before putting the baby pink candy inside Louis’ mouth. “I don’t want to see any bite marks, I want this to be intact when I’m finished with you. Don’t chew, don’t swallow. You will stay quiet while I suck you off and praise you, and you’re going to listen to every single word I say. How fucking perfect you are, how much you deserve. You will let go.”

Louis’ eyes fluttered at the command, but he nodded nonetheless. Harry took his sweet time with Louis' body as he ran his tongue over his nipples, nibbling gently at his ribs and licking a line just below his navel until he got to Louis’ pink, dripping cock. Harry’s mouth watered at the sight of the small pool of precome forming on Louis’ belly, and licked it clean without ever touching where Louis needed him the most. 

He spent a few minutes more exploring every inch of Louis’ body for the first time. Long gone were the quick and desperate fucks just to release some steam. What they were about to do was a lot more than that and many things could change if Louis realized how much more Harry actually wanted for and _from_ him. Still, it was a risk that he was ready to take if that meant seeing Louis lose himself so prettily. 

“You will do as I say, right, baby boy?” Harry’s adoring gaze landed on Louis’ cock instantly twitching from the pet name. 

“ _Oh god_ ,” Louis whispered.

“You like when I boss you around?” he asked, nipping Louis’ thigh. “Like when I’m a bit rough?”

“ _Ha-Harry—_ ” Louis began, but before he could finish, Harry sucked Louis’ cock into his mouth.

The sound that came from Louis' throat made Harry want to swallow everything he had to offer. He sunk further down, cock barely hitting the back of his mouth, nose easily rubbing his pelvis. He was petite all over and Harry couldn’t get enough of him. He breathed in, getting intoxicated by a sweet and musky smell, a mix between pre-come, spit, and Louis’ body lotion. Harry was sure he could come just from that. 

When he heard Louis whimpering for more, he pulled back, teeth skimming Louis’ length until they reached his wet head, giving it a gentle bite. 

“Show me your candy, princess,” Harry said with a deep, wrecked voice. Louis’ eyes began to fill with tears and some twisted part of Harry felt a thrill because of it. “I’m not going to fuck you unless you show me your candy.”

“Please, _Dadd—_ ” Louis made a strangled noise and closed his eyes.

Harry swallowed hard, the realization of what Louis was about to say hitting him like a truck as he watched Louis squirm under him. “What did you say...?”

Louis fidgeted, but only a soft whine came out of his mouth.

“Alright, if you don’t want to tell me, then show _Daddy_ your candy.”

A mixture between a sob and a moan came out of Louis’ mouth as tears finally fell down onto his face freely. Still, he obeyed Harry’s orders, pink tongue darting out, showing Harry his now bitten candy.

“Angel, you bit it,” Harry cooed, booping Louis’ pretty nose.

“I’m _so_ sorry,” Louis breathed out, sounding genuinely devastated.

“I’m so sorry, _who_?”

Louis gasped, hips rolling, desperately trying to grind up against Harry’s thigh in search of friction. “I’m-I’m so sorry, _D-Daddy_.”

Harry couldn't hold himself back anymore and kissed Louis again, hot and filthy, shoving his tongue into Louis’ mouth, just taking everything he wanted. “You’re such a good angel, you tried your best and apologized, that deserves a reward.” He shifted slightly, rubbing the length of his still clothed cock on Louis’ naked and soft thighs, licking the crest of his Adam’s apple, lazily and slowly, as if he had all the time in the world.

Louis shivered underneath him, spreading his legs for him instantly, _beautifully_.

“Turn around,” Harry ordered.

Louis whimpered but complied easily, with feline-like elegance, Harry was fascinated by each and every single one of his movements. He had to back away slightly so he could admire his boy properly, having all his beauty in front of him. Louis looked as if he were sculpted by hand, every inch of his body made to accentuate the next one in perfect harmony, curved edges, beautifully smooth skin, ass round and meaty with a light dusting of silky and soft hair making it look like a ripe peach.

Louis was enticing, and he knew well all of Harry’s weak points. He didn’t wait for an order to arch his back, ass tilting invitingly into the air and using one of his hands to pull his left cheek, exposing his pink and hairless hole. 

Harry couldn’t help but tease the entrance with his thick thumb before slapping his ass, watching Louis jolt at the ministration.

“You like that…” Harry said throatily, voice sounding almost reverent. His hand ran over the stretch of Louis’ back, who simply gave another moan as a reply.

Harry knew they had some lube in a box on the coffee table, but they didn’t need condoms, not anymore. Not since they got tested every time they saw each other. He didn’t know if Louis was sleeping with other people—Harry certainly wasn’t—but they were both clean. 

“We can do whatever you want, angel,” Harry murmured, coating his fingers with lube. “Go as slow or hard as you want.” He said it conversionally, as though he was talking about the weather. He pressed a slick finger to Louis’ tight hole, fucking in and out to the sound of Louis’ muffled wailings. “Or… I could spend hours licking that sweet ass of yours, make you come with mouth only.” He swatted Louis’ cheek again before soothing the red mark with his palm while he nudged a second finger in alongside his first. “Would you like that, petal? Or do you want Daddy to fill your needy hole with his cock?”

“ _Fuck…_ ” Louis slurred, pushing back onto Harry’s fingers as he began to scissor them inside him. “I want your cock, I want you now, _please._ ” 

Harry loved the little gasps and whines Louis was making. “You beg so prettily, angel.” He used one hand to spread his cheeks again, mouth watering at the sight of Louis’ hole clenching around his fingers. “But I’m not going to fuck you right now.”

“ _What_? But Dad—” If Louis had been planning to finish that sentence, his train of thought got completely lost the moment Harry licked a broad stripe up his crack, his cry turning into something more akin to a moan.

Harry ate him out, teasing him first, leaving light and slow licks. After that, he began to swirl his tongue over his hole, making Louis push his ass further into Harry’s face. In response, Harry held Louis’ hips still, nails digging into the soft flesh as his tongue pushed against Louis’ ring, coating his insides with his saliva in addition to the lube. The most wonderfully obscene noises spilled from Louis' mouth when Harry spanked him again with all he had, hard and merciless. Both sounds echoing in his mind like a filthy mantra. Louis didn’t just like it, he fucking _loved_ it.

Not two, but three fingers replaced his mouth in a swift movement; and with a harsh bite on his abused cheek, he moved on top of him. “Still want my cock, angel?” Harry questioned, moving his other hand to wrap it around Louis’ throat. 

“Want it so bad, Daddy.” Louis twisted his head, mouth begging to be kissed. Harry knew there was drool on his nose and chin, but instead of making Louis recoil, he licked and kissed Harry’s mouth and face like a thirsty kitten. 

“God, you’re so desperate, I’ve never seen you like this,” Harry growled in awe as he watched Louis writhe beneath him, fucking himself onto his slicked fingers. 

He eventually pulled out, shushing Louis’ cries at the loss as he coated his cock with lube and lined himself against Louis’ reddened hole.

 _“Daddy!”_ Louis sobbed when Harry pushed his thick cock deep into his ass, in one single, long thrust. Harry put his hands on Louis’ hips again and began to pull out, only leaving the head of his cock inside before he pushed back in with the same force as the first thrust. “ _God,_ ” his boy nearly screamed, fist beating the couch once.

That made something break inside Harry, making him snap his hips up fast and harsh. He fucked him just like that a handful of times, the jiggle of Louis’ ass bouncing against his pelvis while making dirty sounds that overwhelmed him with lust. Louis was always pliant and soft, but nothing could compare to how he felt under Harry that night as he rolled his hips frantically, trying to feel even more friction. He felt desperate, needy. As if he was training and molding his body to fit _Harry’s_ cock only. Some fucked up and deeply possessive part of Harry was having a field day with that.

“Just like that, angel. You’re taking me so fucking good.” Harry reached forward and tangled his fingers in Louis’ hair, pulling him up, body arched. 

Louis moaned, hand flying to Harry’s neck, trying to find a balance or something to hold onto as he let Harry fuck him with short and hard thrusts while sucking a mark on Louis’ neck. Louis gave a yelping moan, a sweet sound Harry was used to, that indicated he hit the right spot.

“Yes, _Daddy,_ there!” Louis breathed out between choked sobs. 

“That’s it, petal, so beautiful,” Harry growled, pounding inside him, hitting that same spot over and over again, one hand on Louis’ throat and the other holding him by his lower tummy, small cock hitting the back of his hand, wetting it with pre-come with each thrust. “You’re fucking mine. Only I get to see you like this, only me, _mine._ ”

“I’m yours,” Louis babbled, lolling his head back on Harry’s shoulder so Harry could look at him as he said, “You’re my only daddy, _no one else_ but you.”

Harry was aware that people said things they didn’t mean while fucking and that there was a big possibility that Louis was only indulging him, but he couldn’t care less. In that moment, with Louis’ ass clenching around his cock, fat tears running down his face, and on the edge of what seemed like one of the biggest orgasms he had ever had with Harry so far, Louis was _only his._

Louis' hips moved erratically in an attempt to bring Harry deeper inside him. The hand pressed against Harry's neck pulled him in close for a sloppy kiss. “ _Yours, yours, yours,_ ” he whispered over and over again against his mouth. 

“Then come for me,” Harry ordered, giving one last rough thrust against Louis’ prostate before the boy was coming with a loud cry all over his stomach and Harry’s hand. The clenching of his ass felt so heavenly around his cock that he couldn’t help but push Louis against the mattress as he kept shoving his length deep inside him, chasing his own release. 

It didn’t take too long before Harry was coming inside Louis, groan muffled against Louis’ neck, body shuddering as waves of pleasure filled him. He only managed to keep some sense of not crushing Louis, who looked completely spaced out—the only sign that he was in fact awake being his small hand stroking the back of Harry’s neck. 

After he recovered, Harry licked and nipped Louis’ shoulder lazily as Louis continued to tremble underneath him. 

“You were so incredibly good, angel,” Harry praised him, as he turned the boy to face him. “So perfect, I’m so proud,” the words were full of meaning, because Harry _was_ proud of his angel. His strong and self-sufficent boy let go so fucking beautifully for him, without holding back, and Harry knew how big that was for Louis. 

The boy's smile was soft and small, but blinding. He looked relaxed and floaty, genuinely content. Harry looked at him with reverence, it was the most beautiful sight he had ever encountered.

Later that night, Harry put them both in a warm bubble bath so he could clean and pamper Louis in the way he deserved. 

“So…” Louis said, small voice muffled against Harry’s neck as he moved Harry’s big hand to rub against his soft tummy. “I know you leave tomorrow, and this is just some release for you but… I liked what we did today, I don’t know if you’re aware of what happened, but I’d like to keep doing it with you…”

Every single word that came from Louis’ mouth caused whiplash on Harry’s brain. Should he come clean and tell him how he really felt? But what if his confession made Louis not want to be with him anymore? 

“I know it was different,” Harry chose to say, reckoning it wasn’t the best time to unload everything he felt for his best friend in that moment, when everything felt so fucking raw. “I also want to keep doing it.” He kissed his shoulder.

“You don’t think it was weird?”

“Baby, did you see how _hard_ I was, how fucking wild…”

“I’d like to keep calling you that,” Louis whispered shyly. “I also liked that you bossed me around, and uhm.. when you kept going even after I came. I felt helpless, but completely safe, I didn’t have to think as much because you were giving me what I needed.”

“I want to give you that always, those were my intentions when I sat you on my lap, but I do feel we need to search a bit more about all of it, I don’t want to hurt you. I need to know your limits.”

“But you leave _tomorrow…_ ” Louis said quietly.

Harry shrugged. “We can start today.”

And investigate they did. They discovered Louis liked to be praised and lifted up, up, up, until he reached the sky, as much he loved to be tied down and grounded to earth, leaving all his trust and control with Harry until all his worries disappeared under the pressure of his caresses.

It also turned out, Harry could be very strict when he set his mind to it and Louis most needed. They didn’t need to be close, or even in the same country, for Louis to be a good boy for Harry. Sometimes, he just needed to accept and eat the food and desserts Harry sent for him. 

They had punishments too. Every time Louis overworked himself or didn’t sleep enough, he had to pay fees in the form of spanks—if they were together—or by simply not coming until he was a crying mess, or Harry’s personal favorite:he had to come as many times as he pleased. 

It was nothing too extreme, nothing groundbreaking, but Louis looked relaxed and more content every time Harry saw him; and to him, that was the only thing that really mattered.

**_Asian Leg, Tokyo_ **

Noah was… Harry didn’t have words to describe him. They clicked right away, it felt like catching up with a long-lost friend. He learned the boy was from LA, born and raised, and that Jason had contacted him out of nowhere. All his friends thought it was a bad idea to fly to the other side of the world to take some pictures of “cocky boys who were pretending to be rockstars" _,_ but Noah had always loved a good adventure, and Jason’s offer sounded like it could be one of the biggest of his life.

“Isn’t it sad that we are in one of the most exciting and interesting cities in the whole fucking world and we’re stuck between the hotel and here?” Harry grumbled to Noah, eyebrows pulling together in a frown.

Harry spent all morning and a big part of the afternoon rehearsing for their show, and Louis was back at the hotel doing his best impression of a human cacti, avoiding him in subtle, yet very clear ways. Mix all those things together and you got a very irritable and trapped Harry. 

“Then we should go,” Noah said as he lay on the stage and played with his camera. “Let’s explore Tokyo, just you and me.” 

Harry thought about it for a moment, mouth turning up at the corners. “Alright,” he said eventually because, _why the hell not?_

“Wait… for real?” Noah got up quickly, surprise washing over his features. 

“Sure,” Harry answered with a small shrug, he didn’t have many options at the moment so he’d take whatever looked like a plan B.

“Well then, rockstar, let’s have an adventure.” 

They went to eat cream puffs in Shiro-Hige, visited an exhibition at the Design Festa Gallery, and ended their night at a mysterious cafe bar with pieces of glass tiles decorating the walls called Mother. 

The city was alive outside the bar and Harry could hear the cacophony of the traffic and people. It felt as if they were cocooned by the chaos of the place, as if they could breathe in and touch it without being swirled into it. It made him feel less like he didn’t belong.

“This place is surreal,” Harry murmured as they walked.

Noah hummed with an easy grin on his face. “Just stay with me, I know more places for secret trysts.” 

Somehow the words felt familiar on Harry’s ears, igniting something deep inside him. There had been moments between them throughout the day, he felt it when Noah reached for his hand before they exited the theatre, and when he caught Noah’s mesmerized eyes full of tears as he admired the paintings and photographs at the gallery.

Noah ran his fingers over Harry’s jacket playfully before tugging it, it was just a mere pull that brought Harry closer to him, made him lean in. Harry noticed that his eyes lingered on his mouth. 

“I don’t kiss on the first date,” Harry whispered close to Noah’s ear, hands tucked into his trouser pockets.

“Good thing I didn't plan to do that,” Noah whispered back. 

And if Noah ended up on his knees with Harry’s fingers tangled in his hair in a hidden alley, then that wasn’t anyone’s business but theirs.

He couldn’t wait to tell Louis about the new places they found, to take him there, to explore new places with him, maybe even tell him about Noah so he could finally open up about Axel. But for that to happen, Louis needed to stop ignoring him first.

Unfortunately, since his night out with Noah, things had gone from bad to worse between them. Louis was moodier and brattier than usual, and that made Harry’s skin itch to do something, to put Louis in his rightful place—that being completely naked and on Harry’s lap. 

The whole crew were having breakfast the last morning of the tour before their first break and Louis was ignoring every single thing Harry was telling him when an idea came into his mind.

“Hey, _sweetheart_ , can you stop pouting and pass me the salt?” Harry whispered into his ear. 

Louis looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Are you talking to me, or did you just mistake me for another person?”

 _Two spanks, that’ll do,_ his stubborn brain told him.

Harry smirked. “Who else would I be talking to, _doll_?”

Louis’ eye twitched before pasting a fake, sugary smile on his face. “No problem, _snookums._ ” 

_Three, hard ones._

“Aren’t you a sweet thing, _honey_?”

“You know it, _cupcake_ ,” Louis said, almost shoving the salt into Harry’s hand. “Well, while you eat your disgustingly salty eggs, I will take a shower first. Heard your room had remarkable water pressure, I’ll see if I can leave you a bit of warm water, _sugarplum,_ but I really doubt it,” he said with a fake pout.

_A full set, very hard ones and he isn’t allowed to come until he’s crying and begging for it._

“You little—“

“Hey, _pumpkin_ , no cursing at the table—at least not in front of the kids,” Louis tutted playfully, nodding towards the rest of the crew who were all looking at them with bewilderment, including Noah. “It’s very improper.”

Shutting down the dumb part of his brain, Harry knew how to recognize an olive branch when he saw one, so he took it and went along with it. 

They were going to be okay.

  
  


**_Take It or Leave It_ **

**_Chicago, 2018_ **

_Maybe I should pack my things and move on_   
_Maybe I’m fooling myself and you’re already gone_

People warned him about excess in the music industry, about drugs and dodgy situations, about how he could lose everything in an instant if he didn’t have enough control; however, nobody warned him about baby blue eyes and dainty men in short skirts. Harry had to find out in the hardest of the ways how much they could make someone lose control, and how little he cared about it. 

“Do you believe in love?” Louis asked one night into the dark bedroom with a voice so soft that Harry almost blurted, _Yeah, when I’m with you._

He still leaned against the touch of Louis’ hand on his cheek, fingers still inside Louis. So warm _. So perfect._

“Do you?” Harry mentally clapped himself on the back when his voice didn’t waver.

“I think—” Louis said while leaving a tender kiss on Harry’s chest. “It’s an unavoidable feeling, a time consuming one. But with the right person, place or thing, I think it could be beautiful. Maybe that’s the reason why everyone is so desperate to find it.”

Louis kept tenderly brushing his thumb against his jawline in the way Harry loved so much. He opened his eyes, heart pounding against his chest, streetlights softly illuminating Louis’ face. “Have you ever felt that? _Love_ , I mean.”

“Yes,” Louis replied easily. “I love my family, I love directing. Art. _My home._ ” He kissed Harry’s chin. “I love so many things and so many people.” He laughed easily.

Harry didn’t feel like laughing. That wasn’t the reply he was expecting or hoping for. Sure, he knew Louis loved all those things but, what about him? Not even a friendly love? A _guy who makes me smile, laugh, and come,_ love? _Nothing?_

“Do you want to fall in love with someone, someday?” Louis asked almost shyly, with a look Harry couldn’t recognize.

He knew he was being childish. That it wasn't Louis' fault that he couldn’t feel the same things as him. 

Harry gulped, avoiding Louis’ intense gaze. “I don’t find the appeal of that.” The lie came out easily but felt foreign, not being used to lying like that to Louis. “Love, falling in love, whatever. It just… complicates things.”

“You really think that?” Louis said with an odd smile and a small frown appearing on his lovely face.

Harry felt exposed, bare for the first time that night. “Yeah, I don’t get why people are so eager to expose themselves to just get hurt in the end. It’s dumb, a waste of time.” Louis shifted again, hand slipping off his face. Harry felt like he couldn’t breathe. Fingers tensing, still inside of Louis. “You said so yourself,” he said while he saw Louis’ eyelashes flutter and breathing speed up. Louis might not want his love, but he for sure wanted his fingers moving in and out of him. “There’s so many things and people to love, why pick just one?”

The next morning, Louis broke things off with him, telling him it was better if they stopped having sex, if they just stayed friends. Harry swallowed bile and plastered a big smile on his face as he replied to the love of his life that he also agreed that it was for the best.

Louis didn’t show up to his award show, didn’t send him a text when he won three of the categories he was nominated for. So Harry did the only logical thing he could do in that moment; he fucked the first woman that flirted with him and took her to his hotel room, in the same bed he’d fucked Louis in just hours before. 

He wished for things to be different. Wished he meant more to Louis. Wished Louis could love him like Harry loved him. Wished his lips didn’t ache to press against his skin, or he didn’t long to wrap his arms around him. But wishing didn’t change a single fucking thing.

Harry was warned about so many things, but no one warned him about one of the most dangerous ones, _love_.

**_First Tour Break_ **

Things didn’t get back to normal, they didn’t have time for that to happen. After their last show they went their separate ways and would remain like that for an entire month.

Noah, on the other hand, stayed with him for one more night in Tokyo, claiming they had to visit the vampire bar that they couldn't go to before. They fucked for the first time that night, it was wild and fast. Noah tasted like cheap booze and giddiness. Soon enough, one night became two, and after a few weeks they had been seeing each other for almost the entirety of the break. 

Things were easy with Noah, there were no complications or heavy knots in his stomach when he talked about other people he fancied. They had a real “friends with benefits” relationship, with no jealousy or fear of catching unwanted feelings.

Don’t get him wrong, Harry genuinely liked and cared about Noah. He was one of the most beautiful boys he had ever seen. With his short light brown hair, blue eyes, and small curvy body, he was basically pulled straight out of Harry’s wet dreams. His personality was even more attractive if anyone asked him, sassy and clever with a heart of gold, ready to help anyone who needed him. Yet, after an entire month, he couldn’t find himself wanting more than what they had. There was something missing, and Harry didn’t want to ponder too much about what it was.

Everything was going—if not great, they were good, but as is well known, all good things must come to an end. They had to burst the bubble that they were living in to go back to reality. Reality being the States, where Rose Quartz would resume their tour.

Noah had to go back to LA, with his friends and family ,and Harry went back to New York, to his cold, almost empty Soho loft. He also had obligations to fulfill and fake people to impress at an industry party. It wasn’t just _any_ party, but one that was dedicated to his band and its future documentary, so there was no way out of it.

He knew Louis was going to be there with Axel, they were a powerful duo in the New York scene; a trust fund kid flaunting his money, lack of talent, and his brilliant and beautiful… _something—_ because they still weren’t a couple, not an official nor an exclusive one. And the said _something_ who was now carving his name in not only galleries, but indie film festivals as well. 

However, Harry didn’t expect to witness how fucking good they looked beside each other, how well Louis fitted there, in an environment Harry knew very well he himself would never be comfortable being a part of. Louis on the other hand, looked relaxed and content as he charmed everyone who greeted him. 

When Louis finally reached him, Harry was already a bit more than just tipsy, but still refused to lose his cool. 

He was Harry _fucking_ Styles after all.

Even in his slightly drunken state, he could still see the worry in Louis' eyes, and that only made him feel more bitter and reckless. 

“Where did your arm candy go?” Harry slurred, tilting his beer bottle back to drink from it, all his attention focused solely on Louis, as always.

“Wouldn’t you agree I am the arm candy in this particular equation?”

“Nah.” Harry nudged his beer to Louis. The boy took it easily and drank from it, his eyes were fascinated with every gulp Louis took from the bottle. “He might be the one with the money, but you still have all the control, don’t you?”

Louis’ brows furrowed as Harry let out a choked up laugh. 

“But here’s the thing, we _both_ know you don’t truly like being in control. No, what you actually want is Daddy pulling you onto his big cock, making all your worries go away.”

Louis’ face morphed into the unreadable expression that Harry so much disliked to see. He hated not knowing what Louis was thinking, what he was feeling.

“I think _Daddy_ had too many of those god-awful, soft beers, and got himself a bit tipsy. I also think he should go home because if I wanted _just_ his cock, I’d have it right here, right now, but guess what?” Louis leaned closer to his ear. “Daddy’s angel wants _more_.”

There was a vague hollowness inside Harry as he heard those words, a hungry pain that was slowly throbbing through him. He wasn’t adequate, and to Louis, he was never going to be enough.

Harry’s voice sounded wet when he spoke again, regardless of how blank he knew his expression was. “Good thing he’s finally done with his angel then,” he rasped out, taking one last sip of his lukewarm beer before walking away from Louis. 

This time for good.

  
  


**_Miracle Aligner_ **

**_New York, 2019_ **

_He was born to blow your mind_   
_Or something along those lines_

“Wanna take me home?” 

He felt the boy grinding his ass close to his crotch, it was supposed to be enticing, but his mind was focused on the fact that Louis wasn’t looking at him anymore, too busy talking with a man in a dark corner. He saw no point in continuing to prolong things with this stranger. Their game wasn’t meant for just one person, and Harry hated to play alone.

“Another day, yeah?” Harry detached himself from him. He might have heard the stranger complain but he was already focused on getting to Louis, everything else was just white noise.

He saw from afar that Louis was laughing about something the boy beside him was saying, it looked genuine, a real laugh. He quickened his steps, he needed to see the person making Louis react like that.

The man beside Louis looked alright, nothing really special. To be fair, any man looked ordinary beside Louis, even duller beside a happy one. Harry was tempted to stay where he was, body and mind conflicted with how much he loved to see Louis this happy and how much he hated not being the one making him feel like that. 

As if he sensed his presence, Louis' eyes met his, drink stilled mid-air, eyes running down slowly over Harry’s body, from his neck to his now hardening bulge. He felt the pull, a fire igniting inside his body and he just wanted more. The beginning of a small, genuine smile bloomed on Louis' face, Harry knew exactly what he had to do.

“Do you want to go back home, babe?” The boring looking man instantly backed off.

 _Good,_ Harry thought. 

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” the man said, disappointed. 

“I don’t,” Louis replied way too quickly for Harry’s liking. “Harry is my best friend.”

“Do I know you? You look... familiar.”

“I’m in a band, won a few music awards here and there.” Harry shrugged.

“Huh, figures, I don’t know much about new music but you must be really famous if I can recognize you.”

“Axel is a curator, he has art galleries all over the country,” Louis said giddily.

“My father owns them, I just manage them.”

“And he’s fucking _good_ at it.”

Harry's stomach turned at the sight of Louis’ eyes. He didn’t want to just sleep with the man beside him, Louis _admired_ him. The boy was awestruck.

Refusing to see Louis slip through his fingers even more, Harry did what he knew best. 

He ran away. 

“Well, as pleasant as this was, I need to go, beauty sleep and all that.”

“Oh shit, is it that late?” 

“No, not really, I’m just feeling a bit tired.”

“Oh, alright,” Louis said with a hint of disappointment in his voice. “Well, it was really nice to finally meet you, Axel—”

“No, Lou, you can stay if you want.”

“Are you _sure_?”

“Yeah, you seem to be having a lot of fun.”

Louis frowned but didn’t protest more. “Okay, if you—okay…” 

The next day, Harry offered for Louis to be part of his tour. He knew it was the beginning of the end. 


	2. PART TWO

**_First Tour Break_ **

You know those blissful first seconds before you're fully awake, and your mind still hasn’t caught up with the mess that is your life, so it is just peace and quiet? Well, Harry didn’t even get that that morning because even before he woke up his head was pounding, and he felt like something rotten had crawled up inside his mouth, and was nesting there. Then, he remembered the party and his conversation with Louis. 

_Fuck, Louis._

Harry was starting to remember bits and pieces of the night while he desperately tried to find his phone. Icy dread traveled throughout his entire body. 

What exactly did he _say_? 

“There you are.” Harry found his phone lying on the floor on the other side of the room. That wasn’t a good sign. He quickly picked it up and rang Louis with no response. He tried again, and again, his mind was spiraling as he thought up the worst case scenarios when Louis _finally_ picked up.

“Hi, baby.” Harry _knew_ how scared he sounded, very tremulous and high pitched. He internally cringed.

Louis didn’t reply to him for a few seconds so Harry thought he’d just simply hung up, but then he heard a cold, “Thought you were done with me, _baby_ ,”

_Well, fuck._

“Angel, I was really drunk last night—“

“Don’t call me _angel_...” His voice sounded a bit rough and tired, like he’d been crying _._ “And _don’t_ use that as an excuse, I think this is the first time you have been honest with me and yourself in a very long time, because I do think you’re done with this, with _me_.”

Harry began searching for his car keys, he knew he had to see him, he needed to explain to Louis that he could never be _done_ with him, that he was the most important person in his life, and he knew the only way Louis would listen, truly feel and believe him, was while Harry held him.

He was about to say as much when he suddenly heard a voice in the background. _Axel’s_ voice.

“Are you coming back to bed, gorgeous?” 

And while Harry could never be done with Louis, he _was_ actually done with the other man and the situation in general. He was so _fucking_ done.

“Go on, you don’t want to keep him waiting,” Harry’s words come out _hostile_ , _distant_ —he just couldn’t help it. “I just called to remind you about Mitch’s birthday but I’m sure he’d understand if you’re busy doing other stuff and you can’t come.”

“Of course I’m going, I’m getting the cake…” Louis said, offended, then he paused. “Aren’t—” he hesitated for a beat. “Aren’t you going to apologize for being a jerk to me last night?” His voice was hardly a whisper and all Harry’s insides felt as if they were burning. 

Nothing felt right, _nothing_. 

“Can you please forgive me?” He knew how empty he sounded, he was expecting Louis to call him out on his bullshit, he needed Louis to snap at him, he needed _something_. 

The line went silent for a moment. The only thing really audible was Louis' small sniffs. “I’ll do it _when_ or _if_ I feel like it.” Then, he hung up. 

Harry held his phone to his ear for god knows how long, processing what had just happened. It was then when he realized he never corrected Louis about his doubts, he never told him how much he would always need and love him, no matter how many people he dated or even if he fell in love with someone else. He will always be _it_ for Harry. 

Harry couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this lost, and the worst part was that the only person who could make him feel better, didn’t want to speak to him anymore. He shook his head after a moment, he couldn’t keep going like that, it wasn’t healthy, for him or Louis. 

Years ago, he made a silent deal with himself. No matter how things were looking, Louis’ happiness and well-being should be one of his priorities, and he was failing awfully. He knew he was being selfish but couldn’t help but think how unfair the situation was. How he should be the one waking up beside Louis asking him to come back to bed for morning sex, the one making him breakfast, the one listening to his soft giggles and ideas, just… _the_ one.

He slowly got up, he needed to wash away all his pent-up tension, nothing that a quick shower couldn’t fix, he just needed that; a quick warm shower. However, before he could even reach the bathroom his phone began to ring.

Heart beating loudly against his chest, he sprinted to his bed, a naive part of him still hoping that the one calling was Louis, but it only took one look at his screen to crush all his hopes.

_Noah..._

“Hi, darling,” Harry answered the call, trying to not sound so gloomy. “All good?”

_“Yeah uhm, that’s what I wanted to ask. I haven’t heard from you since yesterday.”_

“Oh,” Harry dumbly replied. “I’m just—a bit jet lagged?”

He heard Noah sigh. “ _It’s okay if you need your ‘me time’, I just got worried after you told me you would text me and you never did.”_

He felt awful. After seeing Louis with Axel the night prior and the conversation they had later, he’d completely forgotten about texting or calling Noah even though he’d promised he would. 

“ _Fuck_ , sorry. My head was killing me last night, you know how much I hate industry parties, yeah? Well, yesterday’s was the worst.” Harry was technically saying the truth, he hated industry parties and that particular one was a disaster that left him with a headache, a hangover, and a broken heart. 

_“Oh, love, you must have felt really bad. And here I am acting like a needy boyfriend.”_

Harry was also technically being an asshole.

“No, I get you, you were worried. I should have at least texted, I’m sorry for that.”

 _“Well, yeah, but it’s all good now,”_ Noah lightly laughed. Harry liked that about him, he almost never got angry and was always understanding. Even when Harry didn’t actually deserve it. _“Uhm so, my friends and I are having this kinda themed party this weekend—well it’s not like a real themed party, but uh—yeah! And you have to come here two days later anyways, so maybe if you have time you can come by?”_

Harry could feel Noah’s embarrassment through the phone. Well, _fuck_...

“I would love to go, but the thing is... it’s Mitch’s birthday party this weekend and I really can’t skip that.”

 _“Oh, that’s really okay. I shouldn’t be imposing myself. It was really dumb of me to think you had a free night.”_ He was rushing his words and Harry felt ten times shittier than when he started this call. _“Gosh, I’m so dumb.”_

“You aren’t dumb, and believe it or not I’m a bit crushed I can’t go because my last weekend of freedom could use some good, and very beautiful company.”

Noah chuckled. “ _Oh, so you already found someone else to replace me, or are you going to spend your weekend with Louis?”_ he said, voice sounding playful but a bit insecure. Harry didn’t know what to make out of that.

“Right… no. I was actually talking about you. Things between Louis and I are really rocky right now.”

A few seconds passed without a reply and when Harry was about to check if Noah had hung up on him, he heard him say, “ _Oh, that—that’s really sad I guess, I mean, for you.”_

Sad was an understatement, an absolute fucking understatement and before he could tell him that, Noah started speaking again.

“ _But I’ve always thought, every single thing happens for a reason and you should pay close attention to the small and big signals that life gives you. Maybe it’s finally time to let go.”_

Harry blinked, not exactly knowing how to respond to that. He hated when people said that everything happened for a reason, as if that could justify the pain some people had to endure to just be alive. Alas, at least on this occasion it was a harmless remark and the last thing he wanted was another fight, so Harry moved on. 

Louis probably would lecture him for not speaking up about things that made him uncomfortable, but if Harry actually ever followed that particular advice, he’d have told Louis how he felt about him sleeping with other people that weren’t Harry a long time ago, with probably disastrous results.

He could give Noah that, sometimes, it was better to let go.

“Maybe you’re right.” It was clear even for his own ears how small and defeated his voice sounded.

“ _Did I make you upset? It really wasn’t my intention.”_

Harry frowned. “No, it’s alright. And you’re probably right.”

“ _Sure, but it doesn’t matter if I’m right or not, what matters is what you feel.”_

 _It doesn’t really matter at all,_ Harry thought grudgingly.

Harry lay on his bed, bitter taste in his mouth, he needed to end this conversation. 

“Hey, listen…” Harry cleared his throat. “I have to go, I have a meeting with my team—and by ‘my team’ I mean a very pissed off Jason who’s probably ready to yell at me about my inability to make my documentary’s director happy.”

“ _Why is he even mad? Isn’t Louis supposed to be your best friend? Anyways, he can’t quit, he has a contract and your tour is one of the biggest ones right now, he wouldn’t dare sabotage his own studio to screw you over..._ ” He checked the time again. He had enough time to pick a custom dress he bought for Louis before they left for tour.

“Doubt he’s thinking about quitting or screwing me over, he's not like that. It’s more about me and my expectations.”

_“Well, that’s good, but listen, if you feel he’s doing a mediocre job or you want to try new stuff, I have some friends. Sure, they aren’t as… well-promoted as Louis’ studio nor as commercial but they’re really good.”_

Harry frowned at Noah’s tone. “I wouldn’t call Louis’ studio or his work _commercial…_ ”

“ _Sweetums,” Noah chuckled, “to us, it is. There’s nothing wrong with a good contact, I’m not judging, but we all know that his… friend—the rich dude he’s hooking up with—is paying influencers to talk about his and his studios’ short films and documentaries… It’s a bit unorthodox, but it’s working for them, now you have teens with accounts all over the internet praising and making conspiracy theories about them. It’s a bit like a mob mindset, and I’m pretty sure the majority of them haven’t seen half of the classics, but hey… they watch L28’s little movies…”_

Harry found himself speechless again, some part of him wanted to scoff at Noah for belittling Louis' hard work, fully knowing no one was _paying_ anyone to promote his work, that the one behind the account as well as promoting _his_ work was Louis himself. That he earned the praise fair and square for his own hard work. 

However, it wasn’t his place to tell Louis’ secret, and he doubted Louis actually cared about what L.A. people said or thought about him or his studio.

“To each their own, and as you said, what matters is that his work is spreading. He’s as good as his art, so who fucking cares how he’s doing that.”

_“No, yeah, you’re totally right I just meant—”_

Harry suddenly didn’t want to hear anything more. “Listen, I really have to go, I’ll text you later or something, yeah?”

_“S-Sure, take care and about what I said about Louis—”_

“It’s whatever, you and your friends are free to have your own opinion, that doesn’t make reality any less true. Now, I really have to go, see ya.” Harry hung up before Noah could say anything more, head throbbing due to his hangover and strangers misjudging Louis.

That always happened to both of them, there were too many people believing they had them all figured out when in reality they still hadn't finished figuring themselves out. Louis understood them, he thought judging people without knowing them was a very human reaction, Harry on the other part thought they all were a bunch of no-life assholes.

Still, he didn’t see Noah as that, so maybe Louis was right. Maybe it was a human thing after all, and he needed a bit more patience. Maybe the visceral reaction he’d had was because he wanted to find an excuse to not get close to the boy. 

With that in mind, Harry grabbed his phone and sent a short but sweet text to Noah, apologizing for his reaction and assuring him he couldn’t wait to see him again.

He refused to ruin things with yet another person. 

[✯]

Between Mitch, Isaac, and Harry, the one who moved to New York first was Mitch. He fit in there with an ease Harry envied. He set foot there once and it was like he had belonged since forever.

He got himself a nice little flat, found a favorite cafe, a group of friends—with Louis’ help—and he was all set. Years after that, including after Harry also moved in, there was still an enormous discrepancy between their experiences there. Even their houses looked extremely different. While Mitch’s actually looked like an actual—if not small—home, Harry’s looked like an elegant hotel suite. 

No one really liked to be there, not even Louis. He could understand the reason why, but it still stung a bit to see him so relaxed and happy on the hammock Mitch had on his roof, like he never seemed to be in Harry's loft. 

“Enjoying the view?” He glanced over and saw Mitch smiling, bottle of beer in hand.

Harry snorted, eyes never leaving Louis, trying not to focus too much on Zayn’s hand massaging the boy’s feet. They always looked relaxed when they were together, in their own little bubble. 

“Can’t deny the obvious, can I?”

“Have you talked with him?” 

“I just got here—happy birthday by the way.”

“Thank you, I’d be more offended that the gift bag you left in my kitchen isn’t mine if you hadn’t given me my birthday gift this morning.” Harry could feel Mitch’s inquisitive gaze. “He looked a bit down when he got here… he tried to play it off but he didn’t look so good…”

“I’m going to fix it,” Harry said with a clipped tone.

“Well, you better do it quickly, because I don’t want your marital problems ruining my cake. It’s a big japanese milk bread and I want everyone to be at least calm when it happens.”

“I’m doing it later, but I’m doing it.”

Mitch hummed before shouting, “Hey, Lou, do you want a beer?”

_Fucking traitor._

Louis turned to them, blue eyes dancing over him before focusing on Mitch, a strained smile on his face. “Sure, why not!” he shouted back.

“You’re fixing this now cause my cake comes later,” Mitch whispered, before leaving Harry on his building’s roof, surrounded by his new friends, scared as fuck to talk with the only person he actually wanted to talk there.

As he walked towards Louis he saw how his strained smile dimmed even more as he began to adjust his soft looking jumper, smoothly hiding his tummy.

_Angel, don’t…_

“What are you staring at?” Louis sniffed, voice sounding annoyed, and okay, Harry could work with an annoyed Louis.

“I want to talk to you…” 

Zayn shifted in the hammock and whispered something in Louis’ ear. “I’m gonna grab some snacks. You have five minutes to say whatever lame excuse you have,” he told Harry, as he got up and kissed the top of Louis’ head. 

“I don’t know what you want to talk about, you made it clear you were done with me,” Louis said petulantly after Zayn left them alone, purposely avoiding Harry’s eyes.

“I didn’t say that,” Harry said calmly.

“But you did, maybe not with those exact words, but you meant it, I know you Harry, and drunk or not, you were being honest.”

“I was, but I didn’t mean it in the way you think.”

After a few seconds of silence that felt eternal, Louis let out a defeated sigh. “I know, okay?” he whispered softly. “I’m just—” he paused and visibly gulped. “Look, I’m genuinely glad you found your person—that was what you called him in that magazine, right?” 

Oh god, Harry fucking _forgot_ about that goddamn interview. It was reckless and stupid and it was right after Louis accepted his offer to go on tour with him. He was so fucking happy and stupidly in love that when the interviewer asked him about his inspiration for his next album he just blurted about his person… but it wasn’t about Noah, he didn’t even know Noah back then, it was all about...

“Louis—” Harry tried to explain.

“Wait, please, just let me finish. I’m really glad for you, okay? I’ve been in love too, so I know how you’re feeling, I felt it all too. I know how time consuming and overwhelming it can be.” Louis' eyes looked glassy and sad, and Harry didn’t know how much he could bear to look at Louis like that, because it’s one thing to suspect the love of your life is in love with another person and another to actually _know_ it. “But you should've talked to me. I thought we were best friends…”

“We are, we always will be.”

“Then _talk to me_ instead of pushing me away… I know what I said that night was out of place and I’m very sorry for calling you _that_ in front of a lot of people, it wasn’t okay. I knew what I was doing, but I just wanted to rip the bandaid off.” 

Harry didn’t mind Louis calling him Daddy in a room full of people, in fact, he liked it _a bit_ too much. 

“What do you mean?”

“That I knew if I called you that while saying what I said you were going to reject me.”

“Reject you?” Harry frowned as he tried to make sense of how he could have rejected Louis’ _“I want more.”_ when the one being rejected with that was him. He was the one who wanted more than Harry. “That’s not—”

“Harry, it’s fine, I was pushing your buttons. Maybe you aren’t completely done with me, but you were or are close and I want to fix that.. if you want, of course.”

“Yes!” Harry said hurriedly, putting behind all his confusion. “I want that, I want—” _Anything you want._

“Hey, it’s time to cut the cake!” Mitch shouted from the emergency exit, a few people walking behind him, including Zayn and a newly arrived Axel.

Harry felt the little hope he started to build up inside his chest crumble at the sight of Louis’ shy smile directed to the man. 

“Hi, gorgeous.” he smirked at Louis with the confidence that only a person who had never struggled for anything in his entire life could pull.

“You came,” Louis breathed out, looking—if Harry wasn’t mistaken—a little relieved. 

“I found him trapped between creepy Joe and moody David, he was having a blast.” Zayn chuckled before walking towards the cake. 

“You should’ve texted me,”

“It’s fine, it was a very... amusing conversation. They even invited me to tomorrow’s purple brunch, I think I’m part of your friend group now,” Axel said proudly, as if he was proving something, and maybe he was. 

He, after all, was probably going to be part of Louis’ closest friends, no matter if they stayed together as a couple or not, he was part of Louis’ life now.

“Come on, it’s time to cut my cake!” Mitch shouted again, cake knife in one hand and a disposable camera in the other.

As Louis walked away from him, Harry took his time to look around the party, not only at Louis but at every single person there. No one gave a fuck about who they were, they were just friends celebrating other friends. Almost all of them having one thing in common: Louis. 

People always assumed Harry was a social butterfly, always charming everything and everyone. The one with the most interesting friends, and even though that was in a way true, no one ever got close enough to him, and almost never stayed. 

Although, they always came back—only when it was convenient for them, of course. For example, on his birthday when they could post pictures of him, talking about how much they loved and admired him, getting—just like that—the attention they’d been looking for since the first time they got close to him.

The reality was that for many of them Harry was like a new toy, and when the novelty passed they just moved on to someone or something else. And Harry was okay with that, he couldn’t really pretend he actually cared about them. 

He just dreaded the day when Louis would realize how dull he was and leave him too. But for now, Louis still wanted to be his friend, or at least that was what he said to Harry. And as long as he wanted to be close to him, he’d milk whatever he was given.

**_American Leg, Nashville._ **

They had been touring all over the U.S, spending countless nights switching between the tour bus and expensive jet flights. There were times when they didn’t need to take the tour bus, but Noah wanted to experience a “real tour” and Harry was happy to indulge him in that. And if while doing so, it also helped him to put a healthy space between Louis and him, that was only an extra.

Louis looked happier and more relaxed like that, with them keeping polite distances. And while one small part of him felt bitter about that fact, a bigger one was just happy Louis was feeling more comfortable around him. 

Slowly but surely a new normal began, as Harry and Louis re-learned how to be just friends, Noah slithered in as a constant fixture in his life. He understood Harry and exactly what he needed. There was no necessity to be soft or careful with him, didn’t have to make uncomfortable small talk after he mounted him backstage or on the tour bus. They both were shameless, never giving a single fuck about what anyone had to say about them hooking up in random places, not their friends, not the press, not even Harry’s fans.

Harry learned the hard way that fame was like a wild beast, temperamental and unexpected. One day you were at the top of the world, swimming in empty words of praise, with a sense that you can do no wrong, and the next it could drag you to the ground, with no other option but to endure and hope you survive its ruthless attacks. So, he learned to live with it, to not let it define his life, he rode the highs and tried to ignore the lows, but there were only a few people who could handle all of that like him. 

Noah, surprisingly, was one of them.

There was a new headline making its rounds. _“The Rockstar Has Finally Found His Rose?: We Tell You Everything You Need to Know about Rose Quartz’s Harry Styles’ New Beau.”_ It was ridiculously cheesy and completely false, but when Jason asked him if he wanted to give an official statement denying everything, Harry told him to just not comment on it.

It was better like that.

“Want another beer?” Noah said as he sat on his lap, a playful smile adorning his face.

“Want to get me drunk before my show?” 

“Nah, I need you sober for later.” Noah’s hand came up and his fingers touched his chest, then slowly trailed down his stomach.

Harry stared him down, Noah’s eyes following the movement. “Yeah?”

A well known giggle coming from right outside the green room made Harry’s soft cock harden at a record speed.

“How about if we—”

The door flew open as Louis, Mitch, and some other members of his crew walked in. 

“Mate, you have to see the takes Louis got from the crowd, he also got some sweet shots of me looking like a real rockstar.”

Harry tried to do his best to not look at Louis, to try to concentrate his gaze between Mitch and Noah’s giddy smiles, knowing full well that if his gaze wavered to Louis for even a second he wouldn’t be able to look away.

Louis snorted. “You _are_ a rockstar.”

“No, I know, but I mean a real one, an old school, _cool_ rockstar. Hey, Harry, did you know Louis has fans now too? Some girls asked him if he could follow their accounts and turns out there’s a bunch of them.”

“They aren’t my fans, they’re just fans of all the band’s crew, it’s a bit weird.” Louis scrunched his nose.

“Is not…” Mitch refuted. “Some of them have cute pictures of you and me.”

“Do you want to get out of here?” Noah whispered in his ear. “I can fix the monster inside your pants before you have to go out on stage,”

“Alright,” Harry whispered back, trying to just get away from a giggly and happy Louis as fast as he could, before he could say something stupid like asking for the name of the accounts so he could follow them.

Noah got up with him, trying and very much failing to cover Harry’s hard on. “We are uhm… we—I’m gonna help Harry with some, vocals?” he said, almost giggling

“If you’re going to suck his dick you just have to say it, you making up excuses is only making him go soft…” Louis drawled, pointing out his already softened member. 

But then, he licked his lips in a way that only meant that he was hungry for Harry’s cock, that he could drop in about any place just to have a little taste of his pre-come. “Oh, well… look at that, it seems it just needed a bit of attention.” Louis’ smirk was tempting and a bit mean, Harry was so fucking gone for him.

Noah cleared his throat. “Yeah well, we are going to do that, if you’ll excuse us.”

“So polite,” Harry heard Louis murmuring as they walked out of the room.

The roaring of the crowd grew louder and wilder as they got closer to whatever place Noah was taking him. They were about to take another mindless turn when Harry felt a hand grab him by his arm.

Baby blue eyes shone so bright Harry could even see speckless of gold in them. Was that how men felt with sirens’ calls? Frozen in time, unable to move and with a hunger only a death by their lips could satiate? 

“So… a friend is coming tomorrow for a photoshoot and Zayn and I are going to help with the session, Mitch is also helping.” Louis shifted, looking uncomfortable and out of place. “And I was just wondering if you would want to go too…”

“Is this friend uh...” Harry trailed off, not wanting to rat Louis out if the “friend” was who he thought it was.

“Yeah, that’s him.... yeah.” 

“Oh… okay, yeah, of course! At what time? I could be all yours after this show.” Harry internally cringed at his wording. “I meant that this is our last show. We can stay in Nashville for a few days more if you want.”

“Hey.” Noah pulled the hem of his shirt. “Remember we have plans to fly to Chicago?”

Shit… he completely forgot about that. 

Would it be too asshole-y if he chose Louis’ improv request instead of the plans he had with Noah? It wasn’t as if it was set in stone, or they had actual plans for arriving in Chicago. It was just a pre-planned schedule Jason came up with. 

“You can go, I’m gonna stay,” Harry decided, eyes never leaving Louis’ nervous ones. “Are we doing it tomorrow morning or...?”

“Yes, tomorrow morning, wear something fresh, it’s hot outside.”

“You too, wear sunscreen, I’m going to bring some anyway.”

Louis let out a breathless laugh. “Alright, well, see you in a bit. Good luck with the head.” He winked before leaving Harry with a need to grab him by the waist, throw him over his shoulder, take him to the closest room, and spank the brattiness out of him until he was begging for his cock. 

“I think it’s better if we go back…”

“No, you’re still hard so might as well,” Noah insisted, fiercely. 

Harry felt all kinds of wrong using Noah in that way, but it wasn’t as if he was promising the boy more than he had to offer, or that Noah actually wanted more from him. They both were consensually using each other, maybe it wasn’t the healthiest copying mechanism but in a fucked up and messy way, it worked for them. 

Harry wasn’t an angel but neither was Noah.

[✯]

Harry didn’t know what to expect, this was actually his first time seeing them shoot the pictures for loubell’s account. They were in a barn and Louis was looking breathtakingly beautiful wearing a white and short lacy dress. 

Besides Zayn and Mitch there were two other people moving the equipment and adjusting some lights. He recognized both of them from tour, one of them was Josh, who was part of Louis’ crew, and Ella, Harry’s very own stylist. He wasn’t even surprised when he saw her at the location, knowing how obsessed she was with loubell’s feed too. 

“I want corny, I want kitsch, I want _coun-try_ but make it high fashion,” Zayn informed with an unbothered drawl. “Would it be too much if we get a few shoots of you milking a cow?”

Louis' smile was sugary sweet. “Sure, you can be the cow.” He rapidly fluttered his eyelashes. 

“Actually…” Mitch said shyly, cheeks blushing like Harry has never seen before. “I was thinking about something similar?”

“Milking a cow?” Louis asked. “What’s with you both and cows?”

“No, I meant you… on top Zayn or...” He gave Harry a strange look. “I don’t know…Harry… simulating you know… a cowboy riding a horse. We could take shots of his back and Louis wrapped around him.”

“That’s... actually a good idea,” Zayn said, opening a big suitcase. “I have some rings and bracelets you could use. We can take some other shots showcasing the dress later.”

“I could help,” Harry blurted.

Zayn raised a brow, seizing him with his eyes, seemingly not pleased with what he saw. “Do you want to take the pictures?”

“No, I could…”—Harry cleared his throat—“hold Louis?”

It was quiet for a second and Harry was scared to death to look in Louis’ direction.

“Some of your tattoos might show, are you okay with that?” Zayn challenged him.

“We could edit them out,” Louis chimed in for the first time. Harry’s gaze landed on Louis and was welcomed with crimson cheeks and sparkly eyes. “All of them, that’s what we do with mine.”

“No, I’m fine.”

Zayn scoffed. “No, you’re fine, as in you don’t want to be part of the photoshoot or…”

“I meant that I don’t care if my tattoos are visible, I’m okay with it.” Harry’s pelvis constricted with a primal pleasure at seeing Louis’ reaction, parted lips and surprised eyes. 

If Louis was giving him the chance to go _in_ he wasn’t going to hesitate, he was going _all in._

“Is your manager also okay with it?” 

Harry shrugged, not really caring about what Jason might think or say. “Leave that to me to worry about.” 

Zayn assessed him with calculating eyes for a few seconds. “Alright then,” he finally said with a slightly defeated tone. “Let’s start this, I guess.” 

After a quick change Ella came to give him some clothes as Zayn began to take a few shots of Louis and the scenery. He was a natural, making everything seem easy. But as Harry watched Zayn take picture after picture of him, in different poses and angles, Harry finally understood what Louis meant all those years before when he told him people loved loubell because it was a blank canvas they could draw over as much as they pleased. If they wanted him to be a pure, virginal, french prima ballerina? Who says he couldn’t be? He could be anything they wanted. Louis wasn't loubell, no matter if the clothes or the body belonged to him. 

“You look like you're about to pass out,” Ella said as she finished oiling Harry’s back. “God, you don’t pay me nearly enough to do this.”

“Didn’t you appear in one of those top paid celebrity stylists lists...?”

Ella snorted. “And yet, I’m here oiling your back instead of picking beautiful clothes for this shoot.”

“Hey, my back has feelings, be nicer to it.”

“Okay, let’s bring the horse!” Harry heard Zayn shout.

Ella snorted. “Pretty sure he’s talking about you.”

His hands were sweating and heat swam through his body as he sat down on the stool and Louis followed him, sitting on top of him.

“Are you nervous, big guy?” Louis whispered close to his ear, still adjusting his position on top of his lap.

“A bit…”

Louis turned to see him, a hint of smile curling on his lips. “Why? You have been in countless photoshoots.”

Harry grunted, ashamed. “It’s different, I don’t want to ruin or delay your day.”

“You will be fine, you just have to relax, hold me tight and not let me go,” Louis said, one hand caressing the nape of his neck and the other firmly open against his wide back.

“Okay, I can do that,” Harry whispered back, pulling Louis closer and burying his face on the crook of his neck.

“Give me more neck Louis,” Zayn ordered. “There we go, beautiful,” the man praised Louis as he did what he was told. Without thinking and by mere habit, Harry tenderly kissed the exposed skin, making Louis shudder and pull Harry’s nape hair a bit too tightly. “Okay we’re taking a few pictures for Instagram, not softcore porn, wrap it up! Let’s change positions before the sun sets.” 

Louis unwrapped his legs and turned his back to Harry, crimson cheeks and shy eyes giving himself away. If his dick wasn’t achingly hard before that, having Louis’ plump ass nestling against his cock had surely finished the job. The only thing that was impeding Harry from combusting in shame was the fact that Louis was as hard as Harry under his pretty dress.

Harry refused to turn the situation into something bigger—no pun intended. He was aware that them reacting in that way was completely natural after how their bodies had gotten used to each other for years. It was almost like a pavlovian reflex, it didn’t mean Louis actually wanted more from him. However, he couldn’t deny a shy and pliant Louis atop him was a deadly combination. 

“Can you wrap your arms around me?” Louis said softly, grabbing his hands and placing them where they should be. “Squeeze the fabric of the dress.” His fingers delicately brushed his knuckles. Harry squeezed it as his mouth brushed Louis’ shoulder, completely losing track of time and place, just concentrating on the feeling of Louis’ weight on top of him. 

Louis twisted his head to murmur against Harry’s ear, “Now pull the dress between my legs, be sure it’s not showing anything.” 

Zayn huffed. “It’s showing _everything_.” 

As he was getting closer to fix Louis’ dress, Harry snapped at him, not letting the man come near them. “I can do it, alright?”

“Can you?”

“Can we please hurry? It’s hot here and I’d love if we just wrapped this up,” Louis huffed as he discreetly grinded his ass against Harry’s raging boner. Harry squeezed his thighs before fixing his dress.

“Just a couple of pictures more and we’re all set,” Zayn said, trying his hardest to ignore what was happening in front of him, eyes completely focused on Louis.

True to his words, Zayn only took a few more pictures before the shoot was done. 

As Ella handed them big and fluffy robes, and Josh was packing the lights, Zayn and Mitch checked the pictures very closely on Zayn’s laptop, looking content with the results. 

“When do you plan to post them?” Harry asked, trying to sound casual as he grabbed his clothes.

“Who knows, we don’t post the pictures in chronological order, but by color pallete.”

“This fits with the color pallete you’re doing now, don’t you think?”

A beautiful smile spread over his face. “Not much, but it could be edited to look like it.”

“And…” Harry shifted in place, feeling oddly nervous about his next question. “Would you post the pictures with me or…”

Louis bit his bottom lip as his eyebrows knitted, as if he was contemplating the right way to reply to Harry. “Only if you want to and give your full permission,” he said finally.

“I thought I did.”

“No, yeah, but I just want to be sure you actually are okay with it and not feeling pressured by the situation.”

“No, I… I actually have always wanted to take some pictures with you, but I didn’t know if you wanted to be linked to me.”

“Harry,” Louis chuckled. “I’m your only follow on Instagram, the account is already linked to you.”

“No yeah, but… this is different… _bigger_.”

Louis' face flushed with embarrassment, but then a teasing smile lightened his features. 

“Oh, it _definitely_ felt big,” Louis said with a sly tone and mischievous eyes.

Harry laughed at the response, trying to not get too giddy about it. “Stop, I’m serious.”

“I don’t mind,” Louis said sincerely. “I also have wanted that for a very long time.” 

“Yeah?”

Something flared in Louis’ gaze as he examined Harry’s reaction. Body relaxing and features softening, he took a step closer to Harry and breathed out, “Mhm, I actually—” 

A loud ringing made them both freeze, already knowing who the person calling was, he pulled out his phone. “Wait a second, it’s Jason,” he said, finally noticing how close to one another they were, not fully knowing in what moment their bodies just gravitated next to each other. “Is everything okay?” 

“I have a magazine who wants an interview with you and Noah, about the tour and his pictures and well… _other stuff_?”

“Other stuff?” Harry snorted. “Are you asking me if I want to have a sit down with some folk who wants to pretend he’s interested in my music or Noah’s work but in reality they just want to know how many times a day we fuck?”

“He’s from Rolling Stones.”

Irritation prickled his spine at the mere mention of the magazine’s name. “Am I supposed to feel excited about that? Rolling Stones lost its credibility and appeal years ago,” he drawled, annoyed. 

Jason sighed. “You still haven’t replied to me.”

“No, I don’t want some weird guy from Rolling Stones bothering me or Noah with stupid and invasive questions. That’d be all?”

“Duly noted, and yes, that’d be all.”

“Alright then, see you later, or tomorrow.”

When he turned around a slice of unexpected pain jarred his heart when he noticed Louis’ soft and open expression was wiped from his face. 

Desperate to bring it back, he blurted the first thing that came to his mind.

“So, I was wondering if you wanted to check out this new restaurant in Chicago, it has a lot of amazing reviews and—”

“I don’t think I’m gonna have a lot of time for that?” Louis interrupted him with an apologetic look on his face.

“We can go as soon as we arrive if you want.”

His face scrunched as if he was mad at himself. “I have to check some stuff for the documentary.”

It didn't take a genius to know he was lying and that Harry’s suggestions were having the opposite reaction to what he expected. “Oh… okay, that’s—okay, maybe another time?” 

“Yeah, for sure, I’d love to hang out with you and _Noah_ and the rest…”

Harry frowned, wondering why Louis even had to bring Noah into the equation. “Yeah, that’d be… yeah…”

Louis mumbled, “Well, I have to change,” carefully before dashing outside the stables, almost dropping some of his clothes in his haste to get away.

God, he was so stupid. He blatantly asked Louis on a date, fully knowing he was going to be rejected. 

Louis didn’t say too much to Harry after that, he politely thanked him for the help and amicably rejected going in his private plane to Chicago, giving him a sad excuse about having to stay a few hours more in Nashville.

Harry was okay with all of it, he was now acquaintanced with the wrenching feeling growing inside his chest. He felt it every time he had to cut open his heart and bleed all over the stage, fighting against his throat constricting with every syllable of songs that begged Louis to love Harry, to _see_ him. All of this with the boy being mere metres from him, focusing on the act that was Harry Styles, but not caring anymore about _him_.

Arriving in Chicago, he took Noah to the restaurant and made out with him at its exit. The pictures were all over social media in less than an hour. 

Two hours later, loubell posted a new set of pictures, all of them featuring Harry holding a faceless Louis on his lap. The caption read:

“Save a horse, ride a cowboy ♥”

**_American Leg, Chicago._ **

“I’m not gonna sit here and yell at you because you let a high profile influencer upload pictures of you without questioning me or even caring how that would affect your career.” Jason sat in the living room of Harry’s suite the next day after it all happened, two laptops opened in front of him. “I also won’t reprimand you for letting yourself be photographed by a bunch of people outside one of the hottest spots in Chicago. You’re old enough, and I’m not your fucking babysiter. But what you need to tell me is what the fuck I’m going to tell the press now, because you have to at least admit this is a bit of a mess.”

“Is it?” he drawled, taking one last deep drag from his blunt. Keeping the smoke inside his lungs for some time before letting it out from his nose.

“Harry—”

He interrupted Jason with a sigh before he could finish. “What?” Harry put his blunt out on a cup of water. “I don’t even know what they are asking or what they even want? Who even are these people?” 

“The media, yours and— _my fucking god_ —loubell’s fans. They want to know if you’re seeing each other, who’s behind the account... They’re almost sure it’s Noah.”

Harry frowned in disbelief. “Wait… _Noah_?”

Jason shrugged as he began to type on one of his laptops. “Can you blame them? You publicly made out with him a few hours before the picture dropped, of course everyone thinks it’s him.”

“But Noah is full of tattoos…”

“So is Louis, what’s your point?”

“Fuck… I need to talk with Louis.”

“They all are at the venue checking lights or I don’t know what the fuck. He’s acting like nothing is happening, so is Zayn.”

“If they don’t mind, isn’t it better if we leave things like they are?” Harry said, confused. If they weren’t doing anything about it, wouldn’t it be rude of Harry to just speak for them? 

“It’s not like they don’t actually mind, but they can’t really speak up about it, can they? They have never tried to debunk anyone who has come up with rumors about loubell or who might be behind the account, why would they start now? It would only bring even more attention to the whole situation.” Jason sighed, like he was suddenly exhausted. “The issue right now is that Noah hinted on Instagram that he in fact is loubell...”

“What?” Harry asked, even more confused. “Why did he do that?”

Jason slowly blinked at him, as if he was trying to comprehend what Harry was asking. “He’s young and ambitious, he’s just doing what he thinks will bring more attention to his own platform and work.”

“I need to talk to him.”

Jason hummed. “Do that but while you’re at it, think about the statement you want to put out there. If you want to talk it out with Louis and Zayn do it quickly, I want to end this mess for your and their own good by this afternoon.”

[✯]

Noah’s room was close to his suite, so it didn’t take Harry much time before he was knocking frantically at his door. 

“What’s wrong?” Noah opened his door with a worried look on his face.

“We need to talk about some Instagram stories you posted…”

“Did you see them? I didn’t think you followed me, do you have a private account?”

“No, Jason told me, why are you hinting that you’re loubell?”

“Oh… are you mad about that?” Noah chewed his thumb.

“Noah, how would you feel if some random person took your work and said they’re the owner of your art?”

“I didn’t say I was loubell or hint that his pictures were mine.” Noah scoffed. “And I’m sorry if you’re buddies with him, but I wouldn’t call an Instagram feed art.” Harry opened his mouth to protest but Noah kept going. “The only thing I did was post the absurd rumors the media and your fans were saying in my stories with laughing emojis, that’s not a crime against your friend’s _‘art’._ ”

“You bashing other people’s work won’t make people pay attention to yours more, or at least not for the right reasons.” Harry said in a cold tone and through gritted teeth. “There’s no need to show those levels of insecurity against people who probably would never care about what you think, it’s pointless.”

Noah let out a sardonic laugh. “You think I’m jealous about some Instagram influencer?”

“Like it or not, that influencer is doing a lot more than most of the snobs who criticize him, with no help whatsoever,” Harry said, low and a bit cruelly. “We will make a statement about this whole mess today. I’d go private if I were you.”

[✯]

Harry tried to reach Louis all afternoon without success. He went to the venue only to find out that Louis was back at the hotel, and when he went back to the hotel, he was surprised with the news that Louis was out with some people. By the time Harry finally found him at the venue, he understood who had kept Louis so busy all afternoon.

As he saw Axel laugh at something Mitch said with Louis pressed tight into his side, Harry tried to crush any bitter feeling he was experiencing at the moment before walking inside the green room.

However, before he had to actually step in, he felt someone grab his arm.

“Can we talk?” Noah asked shyly. 

Not wanting to hear Noah’s excuses Harry mumbled, “I think we talked enough today.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” Noah stopped him again. “I know he’s your friend and I might have been jealous but not for the reasons you think. I know art is subjective and I shouldn’t have talked about anyone’s work like that. I feel ashamed of myself and I’d totally apologize to him if I knew who he was.”

“I meant what I said, I really doubt that he cares what you or anyone else think about what he’s doing.”

“I’m still very sorry.”

Harry sighed and massaged his tense shoulders. “It’s okay, I probably overreacted.”

He still wasn’t going to apologize for defending Louis. No matter how harsh he might have been to Noah.

“No you didn’t, and I still want to apologize for behaving the way I did...” 

“I thought you just did?”

“I’d like to apologize in a different way…” Noah said, softly touching Harry’s abdomen.

Harry narrowed his eyes. “How?” 

“With my mouth…” Noah said seductively. Then, probably seeing Harry’s puzzled expression, he added, “You don’t have to go in there if you don’t want to.”

“I…” He pondered his options, it was having to endure Louis looking happy and in love or a blowjob. The real question was, why was he even thinking about his reply when there was nothing to ponder. It wasn’t as if Louis would miss him in the green room or care if he didn’t sit there to see how good he looked with his new man. “Alright, let’s go.”

He let Noah guide his steps, this time without looking back.

[✯]

After the show ended, everyone decided the best way to close the first half of the American leg was to get wasted. 

Harry didn’t plan to stay as long as he did, feeling drained and tired. The last thing he wanted was to get drunk or high, he just wanted to sleep until it was time to leave Chicago. However, Mitch insisted he wanted him to stay, at least for a few hours. And just like that, one beer became three, and two shots became four, and when he noticed it was already past midnight.

Things only got worse when Noah joined them, Harry couldn’t help but notice the look Axel gave to Harry after he saw the boy. It was subtle but Harry noticed, it made him feel judged and exposed. 

“So you’re rich enough to have a beach house in another country, huh?” Isaac asked Axel lightheartedly. 

“Yeah, it’s in Cabos, we can all go there when you have time,” Axel replied with a smug smile.

Harry wasn’t really interested in the conversation, but something about Axel’s tone made his skin prickle with annoyance.

“We have an entire month free, mate, we can totally—”

“I also have a beach house,” Harry interrupted Isaac. He later blamed the alcohol for his next words but at the moment, the only thing he cared about was to win an imaginary pissing contest he had no way to win. “It’s actually in Tulum”—he spread his legs and relaxed his posture, his accent sounding ten times thicker, just to really sell the act—“because I think we all know Cabos is targeted for rich tourists so you will never have the real Mexico experience there.”

“You are also a rich tourist…” Isaac said slowly, with narrowed eyes.

“No, yeah, but—”

“Do you now?” Louis asked with an arched brow and a tiny smirk on his face.

Oh it was so _on_.

“Yes… in fact… _Jason,_ come here,” Harry screamed to his manager who was talking with Ella a few meters from them.

Harry could see how Jason’s back sagged tiredly at the sound of Harry’s voice. 

“What is it now…” his manager said when he reached their table.

“Do you remember my Tulum house?”

Jason frowned. “ _Your what?”_

Harry snorted and rolled his eyes. “Noise…” he said in Axel and Louis’ direction, not actually looking at them. “My house in _Tulum_ …” he almost gritted out, “the one I _bought_?”

Jason blinked at him as if he was rethinking all his life choices. “Yes, the Tulum house, of course,” he said eventually, looking at least ten years older. “What about it?”

“Well.. get everything ready, I’m inviting Louis and company there.”

“Hey what about me?” Mitch protested. “And I thought it was bad that you didn’t even tell me you bought an entire house…”

“Of course, you and Isaac are going too, many rooms in my house. _Many_.” Harry only hoped Jason would catch on to his hints and save him from the mess he was getting into.

“You also commented to me that you wanted to invite Noah,” was Jason’s only reply.

“I did?” Harry turned to Jason again, the last thing he needed was to bring Noah into his mess.

“Yes, I remember it, it was a _must_ for you.” Jason’s tone made clear that there was no room for debate in his statement. If Harry wanted his manager to help him with this, he had to accept his only rule.

“Oh, well… sure, yeah, Noah of course you’re invited too, silly me.” He tried to give Noah a reassuring smile.

The smile the boy gave him was so unapologetically happy that for a split second Harry considered just taking everything back and spending his second break in a hidden location, just Noah and his happy smile.

“I’d love to go, when are we leaving?” Louis said, with almost mean eyes. Lifting Harry to the skies after touching earth for a few seconds.

Harry felt a rush traveling through his blood system, he felt alive and reckless.

“As soon as you can,” Harry challenged him. He didn’t know if the rest knew what was actually going on, nor did he care. 

And if he had to be completely honest, even Harry didn’t know what the fuckthey were doing. 

“I’m free in four days,” Louis lifted his chin, haughty and stubborn. 

“I’ll be free until next week,” Axel voiced at the same time as Noah mumbled, “My mom’s birthday is in six days.”

“Four days it is,” Harry said, eyes never leaving Louis’. “The rest can catch us later.”

Maybe it was the alcohol or the bar’s lighting, but Harry was almost sure Louis’ eyes sparkled at Harry’s words. “Four days it is, then,” he echoed Harry’s words before drinking his cocktail.

Jason sighed behind him. “I think I’m leaving now, I have some… calls to make.”

Harry wasn’t proud about how satisfied with himself he felt in that moment. It was hands down one of the stupidest things he had ever done to get to be with Louis, and the worst part is that Louis knew he was lying and instead of calling out his bullshit, he went along with it. 

Whatever game they were playing, neither of them were ready to lose just yet.

**_Second Tour Break_ **

Noah was sprawled in Harry’s bed in his New York loft after a long day and a quick flight. He wasn’t supposed to be there, getting comfortable on top of Harry’s bed, but his flight got cancelled and it’d have been a very shitty move for him to just book him a hotel room to stay the night, that didn’t mean he hadn’t contemplated doing so.

“Not going to lie to you, I’m pretty surprised you haven’t cancelled the trip yet,” Noah chuckled as he stared at the ceiling. 

Harry felt his back muscles tense but kept looking for some clothes to change into. “Why would you think I was going to cancel?”

“I don’t know, to me it seemed you were only trying to out-rich Axel.”

“Yeah no, that’s... no…” he trailed off.

Was he being too obvious? Could everyone see how desperate and jealous he felt every time that man hugged or touched Louis?

“It’s okay, you definitely out-rich him, besides, your money is actually yours and not your parents’ so that makes it hotter.”

“Yeah, well… I really don’t know about that… Hey, I’m gonna take a quick shower, feel free to eat whatever is in the fridge,” he said, as he walked inside his bathroom.

Harry’s mind spun fast and wild as he let the warm water relax his tensed muscles with no success. 

Why did Louis have to say yes to the trip? Why did he have to look at him as if he wanted to be devoured by Harry? 

He knew it was a two way street—that he was the one who came up with the stupidest of ideas and the one who insisted on going before their respective “partners”. He also knew he could easily suspend the whole thing, come up with a lame excuse that Louis probably wouldn’t believe, and that would lead to a talk he wasn’t fully ready to have. To a goodbye he wasn’t ready to give. So, he still was going to choose to complicate his life before that, because having a barely-living relationship with Louis was more than having nothing.

Truth to be told, Harry never took the risk to confess his feelings for Louis for that exact same reason. If he never spoke about those feelings out loud, Louis could never get the chance to reject him, so no matter how strained his relationship became, at least Harry would always have his “what ifs”.

“Hey handsome, can I get in too?” a stark-naked Noah said, startling Harry out of his thoughts.

“Sure, I’m almost finished,” Harry muttered while rinsing out the conditioner of his hair.

“So… I’ve noticed how stressed you get when you’re around Axel and Louis,” Noah said as he stepped into the shower. “And we are going to spend an entire week together and that might be a bit uncomfortable for you… this is why I thought you were going to cancel but you didn’t and I—” He snorted and cleaned the drops in his face. “Sorry for rambling, you really don’t have to explain anything to me, I was just thinking—and you can say no if you want—that things can be a bit easier for you if we… well… if—if we pretend to be a couple?” 

“I don’t thi—What are you doing?” Harry snapped when he noticed that he had grabbed Louis’ body wash. 

“Uhm… grabbing some shampoo? Is this shampoo?” 

God he was clueless, of course he was. There was no way he’d know the ways that body wash was used, the uncountable times Harry religiously washed Louis with it, slowly, thoroughly. How Harry automatically linked the honey and peaches scent with his soft and pliant boy.

“No, it isn’t and I’d prefer if you didn’t use it at all.” Harry was being irrational and childish, but it felt wrong. The only reason it was out in the first place was because he didn’t plan on bringing Noah—or anyone—home. Louis was supposed to be here showering with him, not him. 

Everything was all wrong.

“Uh, okay?” Noah furrowed his brows. He then bitterly chuckled. “Am I really worth so little to you, that I don’t even deserve to wash with your expensive stuff?” 

Harry was an irrational, childish asshole. 

“God, no, that’s not what I meant at all. It’s just—” He knew that Harry was in love with someone else, he could’ve easily said it belonged to Louis but right now he suspected it only would hurt Noah’s ego even more. He felt trapped. “I want you to use mine.”

“What?” He wasn’t buying it at all, Harry knew that much.

_God, I just want to get out of this fucking shower._

“What you heard.” Harry grabbed him by the waist. He was aware of the tone he was using. But Noah’s eyes were still hurt and very suspicious and Harry was dying to avoid yet another conflict. “And…” he said seductively while kissing his neck. “We should do what you proposed.”

“Be a couple?” His eyes were suddenly sparkling. 

Harry tensed. “A _pretend_ one, yeah.” 

Noah grinned at Harry and as if nothing had happened, quickly began to talk about plans and outfits and god knows what else.

He’d avoided one small problem now but was sure he’d bought himself a bigger one for the future. 

[✯]

Humidity was a bitch, mosquitos were deadly, and Louis looked delectable under a thin, watery, silk sarong even when he was clearly annoyed. It’s been only four hours since they arrived and things were already tense.

The house was big and in front of the beach, it didn’t have as many rooms as Harry promised but it had enough so no one would suspect he built the entire house in his imagination.

First arrived Mitch, Isaac, and Harry and a few hours later, Zayn and Louis with stern faces and tense shoulders. Louis politely blamed it all on the jet lag while Zayn bluntly scoffed at Harry and went to hide inside his room. 

A few hours and some drinks later, Louis seemed a bit more relaxed, even genuinely happy to be there. That was, of course, before they all decided to go chill inside the jacuzzi, and Louis' demeanor changed so fast it almost gave Harry whiplash. 

Even before Harry could get inside the warm water, Louis was giving weak excuses to get away from him, and when Harry tried to convince him to stay just for a moment more, the cold look Louis gave him made Harry swallow any plea that was about to come out from his mouth. 

“What the fuck just happened?”

Harry chugged half of his beer before sniffing. “Am I supposed to know?”

“I mean… he was just fine with me and Mitch over here, but as soon as you took your shirt off he— _oh…_ ” Isaac snorted. “Dumbass.”

“Don’t fucking call him that,” Harry snapped at his friend.

Mitch sniggered as Isaac rolled his eyes.

“No, _you_ are the dumbass, not Louis.”

“What the fuck? _Why_?”

“Look, I know I’m not Mitch here and I really could give less of fucks about your sex life but man, if my ex presented himself in front of me, full of hickeys from his new boy toy, I’d also feel uncomfortable.”

“ _What_?” Harry asked, frowning.

“Have you seen your neck, mate?” Mitch asked, head tilting.

Harry looked down to his chest, running his fingers over the tender skin of his neck. “Is there...?”

“Oh fuck, you didn’t know!” Isaac said, half laughing and half coughing. “You look like you were attacked by a leech.” 

“ _Fuck…_ ” 

Harry honestly didn’t have any idea of when or how it happened, because Noah knew he didn’t like marks on his body, not even the idea of them. He made that pretty clear since the first time they slept together. 

Harry needed to have a serious conversation with Noah about that but first, he needed to get rid of the lump in his throat before he can break down in front of his friends. It was only their second day there and the last thing they needed was to realize how messed up Harry’s heart was.

“I think I’m going to take a nap.” 

“Or you could talk with Louis…” Isaac said, exasperated.

Harry hummed, not really sure if his voice would break if he spoke again. 

“Go get some sleep, mate,” Mitch told him with a careful tone. “We’ll wake you up when we finish cooking dinner. I got a recipe for pasta that will make you lick your plate.”

Harry threw Mitch a grateful smile before walking inside the house.

[✯]

It took several minutes for Harry to be able to keep his mind away from any thought. Isaac was right, he needed to talk with Louis about his reaction. He decided to end things, to remain just friends, to break and stomp over Harry’s heart. To pull and push him as he pleased, he had no right to feel offended because Harry was letting whoever he wanted to mark his body, to take a place he knew—because he should know—belonged to him. 

But he also knew that it wasn’t the moment to have a big confrontation with Louis, that the most rational thing he could do is to fix things with his best friend fast. Not only because he wanted to lighten things up for everyone, but because they were in a beautiful place, a place they often dreamt about, and it was fucking heartbreaking that they couldn’t even enjoy that because of Harry’s messy feelings.

He was finally drifting off when he felt his phone vibrate beside him.

 _“Baby, hiiii!”_ was the first thing Harry heard from the other side of the line followed by several giggles.

“Noah? Are you drunk? Isn’t it like, six in the afternoon over there?”

_“Just a tad tipsy! And I’m—a friend suggested I should get wasted today. What are you doing? I miss you so bad… Do you miss me? Can you stay with me the rest of the afternoon?”_

Harry laughed lightly. “Who’s with you, darling?” He was a bit worried about the boy, he personally had experienced a drunk Noah and knew how difficult he could get like that. 

_“Why? Are you jealous?”_ Noah said suggestively. Harry laughed a bit more. “ _Why are you laughing, mister? Are you laughing at me?!”_

“Yeah, a bit.” He chuckled. “Tell someone sober to put you in bed or something.”

_“A bit what?! Babe, are you j—”_

Noah slurred something else but Harry’s focus right now was solely on the person who had just appeared at his door. 

Louis.

“Hi…” he breathed, almost barely audible.

He could hear Noah faintly rambling about something as he lowered his phone.

“Mitch wants to know if you’re eating with us, we’re watching movies too.” Louis looked a bit nervous and out of place, he was dying to hug and kiss him until he felt safe with him again. He looked tired yet as beautiful as always, swimming in a big jumper—god, _Harry’s jumper_ —that barely showed his hands, baby yellow, puffy socks, no pants— _wait_ , no pants?

Soft legs shone right in front of him, Harry swallowed with difficulty. He could smell his body lotion all over his room, this was _torture_. 

Harry certainly didn’t deserve this, he was a good person. He always called his mom, worried for his friends, and donated money to charities. There was no reason life was punishing him with a pantless, edible Louis ready to be licked and eaten right at his door. 

This was _hell_.

Louis rolled his eyes. “I have shorts on, you weirdo.” 

At this point, Harry couldn’t differentiate between the things he was thinking and the ones he was saying out loud.

“Uhm…” 

When he successfully detached his eyes from Louis’ legs, Harry got to see something _so_ much better… Louis was fighting down a smile.

“Hi…” Harry repeated, a soft smile blooming on his own face.

" _No_ ,” Louis said snappishly. “I just came here ‘cause Mitch really wants you to eat with us, so it would be nice if you stopped flirting on the phone and decided to gift your friend with your company.” 

“I wasn’t flirting,” was Harry’s very well thought response.

“Sure you weren’t...” Louis huffed. “Anyways, Mitch will be waiting, so if you are going to stay here at least tell him.”

And with that, he was gone. 

Harry felt his phone vibrate. It was a barely legible text from Noah asking him why he hung up on him. Walking towards the living room, he decided to reply with a simple good night text and teased him about the hangover he would probably get the next day, he could explain things later.

The first thing Harry heard upon entering the dim room was Isaac’s loud cackles. He was sprawled across one of the couches, playing with the tv remote. Louis and Mitch sat on the other one, while Zayn was nowhere to be found. This gave Harry the option to sit right beside Louis or in an uncomfortable looking single seat sofa. Okay, he might have had other options but they were far away from Louis and if anyone asked, those didn’t count as such.

So, Harry chose the _only_ option available, beside Louis. Yes, he also discarded the single seat sofa because he needed his comfort and life was too short to spend a movie night stiff. 

“Did you already pick a movie?” he asked casually, sitting himself down onto the sofa. He felt Louis tense but not move, naked leg only covered by a small pillow, flushed against his.

“You took ages, mate, your pasta is probably cold.” Mitch pointed at the half eaten plate on top of the coffee table.

Isaac snorted. “And that’s why you decided to eat half of it?” 

Mitch threw the pillow on Louis’ lap at Isaac. “I wanted to check if I put enough cheese on his plate.”

“And you had to also eat his bread for that?” Isaac threw the pillow back and Harry begged to all the available gods at the moment that Louis wouldn’t pick it back up. 

“You have to accept that after the fourth bite you crossed a line, babes,” Louis stated while rubbing his eye. Still looking _very_ tired. 

“Whatever, Isaac picked a murder case documentary, so the night was ruined already.”

Louis shifted on his seat, Harry could feel how cold his leg was, pillow still on the floor even after Mitch offered it to him.

“You’re the only one here who finds them boring!”

“Documentaries make me feel like I'm at school again,” Mitch mumbled before turning the lights off and pressing play.

Harry was paying attention to the movie when he felt Louis shiver beside him, he didn’t notice, but at some point he’d started to slowly caress Louis’ thigh up and down with his fingers. 

Moving closer to Louis, he whispered, “Are you cold?” He was fully aware of each time his lips brushed his ear. “There’s a blanket here if you want.” The light was low but he could easily see the goosebumps blooming on Louis’ leg. 

_So pretty._

Harry was pulling the blanket even before Louis stopped nodding and proceeded to cover him with it. Louis shuffled a little until he found a comfortable position, one leg on top of Harry’s lap.

After a moment with none of them moving, Louis’ leg started to slightly tremble. Out of instinct, Harry put his hand on his knee, thumb rubbing gentle and soothing circles against it. It wasn’t sexual, not even sensual, it was Harry’s simple and primal urge to make Louis feel safe. Finally realizing what he was doing, his body completely stilled. Harry was about to start apologizing when he noticed Louis was fast asleep.

“It’s better if you let him sleep for a bit,” Mitch said. “I think Zayn and him are having a bit of a rough patch, he seemed really tired.”

Harry hummed in agreement, hand continuing to stroke Louis’ leg.

When the movie finished and Louis woke up, they spent a few hours more just talking and drinking, only stopping when Isaac fell asleep on the couch.

Harry tried to sleep with no success; he spent hours tossing and turning. His brain couldn’t compute how close Louis was to him, his body was craving to go and just lay beside him, and his heart hadn’t even left Louis’ side since the first time they kissed years ago. 

Without Louis, Harry was a heartless man.

He bitterly chuckled in the dark, he was dying to say that to Louis so he could laugh at him, call him dramatic, and cover his face with kisses. 

He wanted to tell him so many things: how much he missed him, how sorry he was, the plans that he created every day in his head to get him back, how he was too much of a coward to do anything about it. But most importantly, he wanted to tell Louis how mad he was at him for not fighting hard enough for something as big as what they had.

Because, why was Harry the one who always had to give in? The only one that seemed to care about their future? The one desperate to save at least their friendship?

 _Why doesn’t he give a single fuck????,_ he resentfully thought while getting up from his bed. 

A sudden rush of adrenaline ran through his body while he walked towards Louis’ room, not caring that he only was wearing briefs, or if Zayn was with him. He didn’t have any idea of what he was going to say or if Louis was even awake, but his body wasn’t listening to his mind and before he could stop himself, he was already opening Louis’ door, not even bothering to knock. 

All the lights in the room were off except for his bedside table, Louis was completely alone, shirtless and seemed to be reading a book. He continued ignoring Harry even after he was just a few steps away from him.

Harry felt all his resolution leave his body when Louis glanced up at him for a few seconds and saw the exhausted look on his face. Maybe if they just… sleep—it has been months since he had a proper and full night of sleep—things might look a bit better in the morning. 

Before he could put much thought into it, Harry found himself saying, “Can I sleep here?”

“I’m not that drunk, Harry, go away,” Louis replied, without looking away from his book, he sounded so pretty that Harry wished he could bottle the sound up. 

“Please?” That got him Louis’ attention. “I just—I really need to sleep and you need it too because I know you’re thinking about me not sleeping just like I’m thinking about you not sleeping too, and you know, just like I know, that we sleep the best when we’re together—”

“You’re rambling…” Louis interrupted him.

“I know, lack of sleep makes me do weird things,” Harry said sheepishly. An unrecognizable look flashed across Louis’ face. “Call it a midnight truce if you want. We can just… not talk about it in the morning.”

“No talking?” Louis said, face blank.

“Not at all. Who wants to even talk about it anyways?” Harry hoped his voice didn’t sound too desperate.

Louis’ face still had a slightly cold stare and Harry was about to just give up when he heard, “Alright, hop in then,” he said while throwing some pillows away from what was going to be Harry’s side of the bed. “Let’s just not talk about it in the morning… or ever.”

Harry’s stomach performed an unpleasant flip when he heard that. 

For a brief moment, Harry had the urge to leave him like that, just to get a reaction, but he didn’t want to risk the heartbreak of not getting one. So, he climbed into bed, tucked himself in and prepared to face Louis. But the boy had other ideas, because as soon as Harry did that, he turned off his lamp and lay down with his back facing Harry. 

Quietness filled the room, Harry rolled over and stared at the dark ceiling. He stayed like that for god knows how long. Body and brain getting used to the idea of another sleepless night, until he felt Louis move close to him. 

Harry could feel his breath on his arm and small feet barely touching his. Harry needed him closer but he knew if he pulled him, Louis would pull back and that wasn’t an option, so he did the next best thing. He slowly lifted his arm and put it behind his head. After a moment of stillness where Harry thought Louis was going to move away, a cold, pretty nose gently nuzzled his ribcage and soft, wet lips ghosted the skin there.

After a few more minutes, he felt Louis’ delicate fingers caress his abdomen, tracing patterns all over his pelvis.

_Am I dreaming?_

Harry tried his luck again and put the arm from behind his head on Louis’ shoulder, hand slowly moving down, touching all the soft skin on his arm until he reached his hip. He felt Louis shiver against his body, cock poking his leg.

“I know you’re sleeping,” Louis said softly, leaving no space for arguments. Harry squeezed his hip as a reflex. “But I miss you, I miss you _so_ much.” Harry’s throat let out an embarrassing sound. The back of Louis’ hand faintly caressed the tip of his still clothed, hard cock while he played with his happy trail. “Please, let me have this night, just tonight.”

Louis didn’t have to ask twice, with a barely audible, “Come here, baby,” Harry pulled Louis on top of him, big hands touching and feeling every little inch of his body. Louis' hands were all over his hair, pulling and stroking. They weren’t kissing, they weren’t even grinding, they were just touching and hugging and _feeling_. That’s all Harry needed at the moment, was all he asked, to feel Louis close to him.

Louis had always reminded Harry of summer, with his warm smiles and bright eyes. But in that moment, Louis was trembling like winter.

He tenderly brushed his lips on Harry’s face. “You’re sleeping.”

“Yes, baby, I’m sleeping,” Harry said, pulling him closer.

“Okay,” Louis whispered, while gently kissing both his eyelids, nose, and finally giving his lips a soft peck, then another and another. Harry opened his mouth, pushing his tongue so he could taste Louis better, he allowed him inside his mouth. Even after everything, the kiss was still tender, full of love, Harry could feel the love in every stroke Louis gave to his hair, in every swipe of his tongue, in every smile against his lips. 

This. Was. _Love_. 

They spent what felt like hours kissing, just that, kissing. Like two teenagers way too scared to get to the next step, but at the same time, so sure that they had all their lives to explore and get to know each other, it felt like hope. Harry knew that wasn’t true, but only for this night, he could have that, _hope_.

[✯]

The first thing he noticed when he woke up the next morning was how relaxed and well rested he felt. The second was how tense Louis was between his arms, hands still holding his tightly.

“I’m gonna need you to stop panicking,” Harry said, while nuzzling the back of his neck, rubbing his thumb on his belly button. He felt Louis’ body going completely lax, head tilting so he could give Harry better access to his neck.

“I’m not panicking,” Louis said stubbornly. A light flush crept up Louis’ neck and Harry was dying to see that color covering all of his face.

“Then, show me your pretty, _very not_ panicked face.” Harry chuckled, Louis already shifting to face him.

Harry drank Louis in. Pink cheeks and clear blue eyes welcomed him and he felt himself automatically smile at the sight.

“Hi,” he whispered as he pulled Louis on top of him. “I don’t know if you remember me, I’m the guy who has been blowing up your phone with texts and calls as of late.” Louis' body went still.

“Oh no, none of that,” Harry grunted, tickling Louis, making him yelp and laugh.

They both rolled, Harry pinned Louis’ back down against the bed, he looked disheveled. Blown pupils, blotchy cheeks, wet lips, and sweaty hair. He looked _so_ happy and—ready to be fucked. Harry’s mind went blank.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to replying to your texts now,” Louis said with a raspy voice and glossy, bright eyes.

“Really?”

“Mhm, and I’d reply with a, ‘I don’t want to talk about our fight’.” He freed one hand and started playing with the curls on the back of Harry’s neck.

“Okay,” Harry agreed easily.

“Or about our relationship.” Louis moved his hand from his hair to his jaw.

“Oh…”

“Or our current situation, or the future…” He pushed Harry’s hair away from his face. He knew he was trying to say something more with that, but Harry hadn’t fully figured out what.

“Louis—”

“I’d love to talk about your music though,” he said, smiling. 

“Music,” Harry said flatly.

“Yes. I miss our talks, when you used to send me random lyrics or audios at random times, I want to know what you are writing now.”

Louis was looking at him expectantly and Harry finally figured out what this was, another truce. He, just like Harry, was desperate to go back to where it all began. Louis also wanted to save their friendship.

He smacked a loud kiss on Louis' forehead. “We can talk about anything you want. I’ve been dying to tell you about my next album, it’s called _The Love Letters_.” Harry said excitedly, when a small frown appeared on Louis’ face. Startled by the sudden change Harry tried to save the morning in the best way he could. “But we can talk about that later, wanna eat some breakfast now?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Louis' smile was a bit strained, but sincere.

Harry gave him a peck on his nose and jumped out of bed. “Be right back in a moment.”

He avoided another conflict.

[✯]

Things felt incredibly tender, and Harry’s heart felt as big as the ocean outside his window.

He was getting his best friend back, and with that, he also got back the late night conversations, the inside jokes, the cuddles _, almost_ everything he craved and missed. Louis didn’t frown anymore when Harry called him “angel”, he didn’t tense when he touched the lower part of his back or whispered in his ear. 

They spend their days on sunny beaches, laughing and smiling like idiots, and their nights in crowded clubs, dancing around people who didn’t give a fuck about them, before going home to share secrets under the covers of Louis’ bed.

It was Louis and Harry against the world again.

Everything was strictly platonic after that first night and Harry was completely fine with that. Honestly, _he was._ It was really, _really_ fine, perfect even. It was helping Harry to move on. To re-learn how to be Louis’ best friend. _Only_ his friend. Sure, there were still moments when Louis' smile was so big and bright that the only thing he wanted was to kiss him until he was a squirming panting mess. Or when he proudly talked about his family with such a soft and loving tone that Harry couldn’t help but picture a future where they—

Harry was _fine_ , he was moving on.

It was hard, though. All the soft and cautious touches, the shy smiles and the lingering looks reminded him so much of the beginning of it all. Of when Harry couldn’t sleep until he recounted every time he touched Louis’ skin in one day, every time he made him blush, smile. Harry was counting again and had to remind himself each time, it wasn’t like that, not this time.

_Because this time, I’m gonna make things right._

If Louis wanted a friendship, he was going to give him exactly that, he was going to learn to _listen_. He wasn’t going to make the same mistakes as last time.

Louis deserved his best. Whatever that meant.

[✯]

It was their last day, just them, and Harry wanted to do something before real life hit them again the next day.

“Why are you all dressed up?” Louis said, leaning back against his bed while passing a blunt to Zayn. “Going somewhere fancy?” 

“Yes, _we_ are,” Harry said while tossing some clothes at Louis that he’d bought for him that same afternoon. 

“Where are _my_ clothes?” Zayn arched his brow. 

Things between Zayn and Harry remained as strained as always, with the only difference being that since their second day there Louis’ friend stopped throwing deadly looks at him. 

“Uh—Well… I—“ Harry was interrupted by Zayn’s snort and Louis’ giggles. “Oh, you are so fucking hilarious, _ha ha,_ ” he deadpanned. 

“You should’ve seen your face, you looked so crushed,” Zayn said, pleased with himself.

Louis giggled into his wrist while picking his clothes up. “I’m going to change, wait for me, yeah?” he told Harry softly. 

“What are you even doing here? I thought you went to the beach with Mitch,” Harry said grumpily, but smiled at the sound of Louis’ laugh while walking towards the bathroom.

“Mitch isn’t at the beach, he went to an organic bakery or something. I’m waiting for Isaac so we can taste some chocolate shrooms with some dudes we met the other night,” Zayn said while taking another drag. “In the name of science, you know?” 

“In the name of science?” It was Harry’s turn to arch his brow. At another time he’d have been the first one to be excited to taste something new but now, he only wanted to spend a calm night out with his best friend. “I’m going to see if Louis is almost done,” he said, walking in the same direction that Louis had minutes ago.

“You do that,” Zayn said, bored. “I’m gonna stay here, trying to not listen to whatever weird thing you do while you’re alone.”

Giving Zayn the middle finger, Harry opened the bathroom door.

“Sure, come on in, it’s open,” said Louis in front of the mirror while he applied some rose gold highlight to his cheekbones. “Is it too much?”

Harry couldn’t help but smile, Louis looked like a dream. “You look amazing,” he said with a low voice.

“Great,” Louis breathed, avoiding Harry’s hungry gaze. “Now, can you explain to me why we’re dressed like middle aged dads ready for a recital of their untalented yet very charming child?”

“Our child isn’t untalented,” Harry admonished while adjusting Louis' collar. “He just needs to learn how to have some more rhythm.” 

“I don’t think you can _learn_ that,” Louis said while his hand tenderly stroked Harry’s hair. He leaned into the touch.

“Of course you can, I did,” said Harry, lowering his head, nose nuzzling against Louis’ cheek.

“Spitting water on time while moving your arms isn't equal to having rhythm,” Louis softly giggled against his jaw. Harry playfully bit his cheekbone. “My highlight!”

“I’ll let you know, that’s pretty much what having rhythm entails.” Harry said while wrapping his arms around Louis' waist and pulling him closer, noses rubbing against one another. “Now, stop criticizing me and our future untalented, rhythmless child and put your shoes on because it’s getting late.”

Harry slowly let Louis go and heard him murmur, “I thought he wasn’t untalented,” with a genuine frown on his face. 

Harry was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to kiss the ridiculously wonderful boy in front of him.

“He isn’t, he’s perfect. He just got my two left feet. I’m sorry for that.” Harry knew he was smiling like a fool but he couldn’t care less, the butterflies soaring in his stomach were too distracting for him to pay attention to anything else that wasn’t Louis in that moment.

“It’s okay, your mouth makes up for it,” Louis said, blue eyes widening in almost a comical way. “I mean, when like you spit— _shit_ , not like—when you—”

A loud bang on the bathroom door startled both of them. “Jesus fucking Christ. Lou, I love you way too much to let you continue that.” 

“God, Zayn, a little bit of warning,” Louis said, burying his face against Harry’s chest.

“You should thank me, I saved you right there. Also, your car is here and waiting for you. I figured you could finish talking about the benefits of Slenderman’s mouth on your way out. Chop chop, weirdos.”

Harry blinked at the closed door. “Did he call me Slenderman?

Louis giggled. “Maybe. Are you ready?” 

“Always.”

[✯]

“So… are you going to explain at some point why we’re in a bar full of old folks?” Louis asked, voice amused and eyes curious.

Harry couldn’t explain why he was feeling so many things that afternoon. It wasn’t as if it was the first time he’d gone out with Louis, not even close to it. Maybe it was the ambience, old local people eating and dancing with no worry in the world. But somehow, something felt different that night. _New_.

“Look at the people,” Harry whispered close to Louis’ ear. “Nobody cares about or knows us, we could be anything we want tonight.”

Louis’ eyes visibly softened. “Anything?”

“ _Anything_.” 

“Alright,” Louis replied with a soft voice and smile full of heart. Hand reaching Harry’s making his heart race. “Let’s go then.”

Harry could hear the sea from where he was standing with Louis at the bar. That afternoon felt like a dream: they laughed, drank, slow danced, and smiled. Harry could smell Louis all over his body and he could smell himself on Louis. Everything felt sticky, sweet and wonderful.

“You make such a sweet couple,” an old lady said conspiratorially beside him. 

He felt Louis wrap both arms around his waist and said, “Thank you, we’re going to marry,” with big and startled eyes, as if he couldn’t believe he’d just said that.

_We could be anything we want._

“ _Oh my,_ is he your fiancé?”

“Yeah, he’s my future husband,” Harry repeated while looking directly into Louis’ bright eyes. He felt his small hand on his chest and warmth swelled inside it.

They were doing it, they could be whomever they wanted and out of all the options... they chose to be _in love._

A lot of drinks later, and after Louis told Rio—the nice old lady who approached them, and Louis’ newest friend—all the details about their “wedding”, they went to dance a little more.

Their movements were fluid and gracious and every part of him felt synced and connected with Louis. Wandering fingers touching sweaty and smooth flesh, Louis clutching his neck as if he was scared to let go. They still haven’t kissed, but Harry’s lips had caressed every bit of Louis’ face and neck, he knew how they must look but he couldn’t care less. While Louis allowed him, he was gonna take everything he could.

“Your table is ready,” a waitress told them, eyes lingering for a bit longer than necessary on Louis’ debauched face. 

Harry tightened his grip around him. “Come on, baby,” he said, lips close to the shell of Louis’ ear but loud enough so the girl could listen too. “We can continue this later, at home.”

At the table, Harry noticed that Louis was still blushing. He felt elated and Louis must have seen it too, because he rolled his eyes and said, “Does it always work, using your bedroom voice in a room full of elderly people?”

Harry could only laugh, he felt high, so happy he could cry. “Seeing as how _my fiance_ is still smiling at me, I can say for sure it definitely works.”

Louis' smile grew. “You’re making things extremely hard.” 

Harry smiled at him back. “Sorry? I can stop if you want.”

Louis bit his bottom lip. “I never told you to stop.”

The waitress re-appeared with two menus in hand.

“It won’t be necessary,” Harry said to her without averting his eyes away from Louis. “What are your least and most popular dishes?”

“Uh, sorry?” 

“You see,” Harry said while holding Louis’ wrist. He could feel the rapid flutter of his heart, like butterfly wings on the tip of his fingers. “My fiancé and I have this tradition,” he saw Louis’ entire face light up. He knew what was coming. “We always try dishes people usually don’t order and the ones they overly hype, then we choose which one is our new favorite. He usually always chooses the least popular ones.” The smile Louis was sporting could put the sun to shame. Harry kissed his hand. “He thinks he’s doing something.”

After some atrocious dishes, a lot of laughter, and tender touches, they settle for chocolate and hazelnut mousse layered with hazelnut dacquoise over a wafer covered in chocolate glaze for Louis, and a raspberry mousse with lime crème inside for him.

“Shit, I ate all my dessert,” Louis said, pouting.

“That’s what they’re made for, baby,” Harry teased.

“Yeah but, you should’ve tasted it. It was heaven.” Louis' dopey smile was doing weird things to Harry’s insides.

“Yeah?” Harry said while feeling daring for the second time that night. He leaned forward, grabbing Louis’ chin with his hand. “Can I kiss you?”

“Since when do you have to ask?” Louis said with a slight frown.

“Since you aren’t mine.” 

“Tonight I am,” Louis said with conviction.

“Say it then...”

“Kiss me _, please_.” 

Harry smiled at that. “What else, petal?” he managed to say, voice low and soft.

“I’m yours,” Louis whispered like warm honey, as a soft pink blush spread across his cheeks. Harry first gently kissed the soft skin between Louis’ eyebrows, then pressed a slow one on his mouth, tongue flicking his lips.

“You’re right,” Harry said, raspy voice, full of want. Lips softly brushing Louis’ lips. “It does taste like heaven." Harry heard a soft sound that escaped from Louis’ mouth.

“You kissed me like the first time.” Louis’ voice was barely a murmur, glossy eyes blinking at him. Harry didn’t know if Louis wanted him to hear that.

_Fuck._

“Wanna go home with me, baby?” Harry said with a hoarse voice.

“ _Always_ ,” Louis breathed.

[✯]

Harry was struggling to remember how to breathe, he felt like a teenager. Louis allowed his possessive hands to grip his hips, pulling him so very close. He knew he was going to leave a mark. He squeezed him harder. 

“Are you sure about this, petal?” Harry said against Louis’ lips when they stumbled onto his bed, their clothes scattered all over the floor. He felt his heart beating in his throat and for a moment, he thought Louis could feel it too.

“Yes, _very_ sure,” Louis said with deliciously red cheeks and a slack mouth.

He crawled onto Harry’s lap, shaky hands tightly gripping broad shoulders. He wasn’t drunk, yet when Louis started to move he felt dizzy and so, _so_ high. However, Louis was shaking and maybe a bit drunk, so Harry knew what the right thing to do was. His body was going to hate him for this, but his mind was already feeling proud about it.

“I don’t want you to regret this in the morning,” Harry said with the last bit of rationality he had left after Louis started grinding his ass against his crotch. “Baby, look at me.” He grabbed Louis' neck with one hand, fingers digging into his neck, thumb caressing his bottom lip. “Are you drunk?”

The way Louis looked at him in that moment will haunt his wet dreams forever. He looked ready to receive anything Harry would give to him. Harry was strong but so weak for him. Louis’ eyes fluttered and a flash of doubt crossed his features. It was just a split second before he hid his face in Harry’s neck, but he saw it nevertheless. 

“I won’t, I promise,” Louis said, wet lips curving against Harry’s jaw as he giggled. 

He didn’t have to reply to his question, Harry knew he was drunk and while he was dying to lick and fuck him all night, he couldn’t do it. Not like this.

“You’re drunk, gorgeous,” he said, cupping Louis’ cheeks with his hands and pressing a chaste kiss against his lips. “I want you to be aware of what’s going on, I want you to feel everything.”

“Don’t call me gorgeous. ‘M still your baby, right? Your angel?” Harry felt something swell inside his chest. 

“You will always be my baby, angel.” 

“Your petal?”

“You’re my everything, Louis,” Harry said, still grabbing Louis' face with both hands. “ _Everything._ ” He said fiercely, throwing all he felt for Louis into one simple word.

Louis kissed him hungrily, tongue shoving inside Harry’s mouth. He moved his hands from Louis’ face to his ass, Louis clutched Harry’s hair with needy hands.

“I want you to fuck me _so bad_. I need you so much.” Louis squirmed on Harry’s lap.

“ _God_ , angel. You’re making this _really_ hard.” Harry groaned weakly trying to not grind against Louis’ arse.

“ _Hard,_ ” Louis repeated, breaking the kiss so he could giggle freely. 

Harry let out a throaty chuckle against Louis’ neck. “Come on, baby,” he lightheartedly squeezed Louis’ ass. “Let’s sleep.” He lifted him off his lap and gently laid him on the bed. “If you still want me in the morning, I’ll give it to you. Anything you want…” 

Louis sighed but didn’t fight him. “Can we cuddle?” he whispered with droopy eyes while reaching for the back of Harry’s neck, hand tenderly caressing his hair.

Harry softly pushed Louis’ hair off his face, legs now intertwined. “Of course we can, I won’t let go until you say so.” 

[✯]

Harry woke up slowly, with his cock hard and nestled against Louis’ ass. Still not really conscious, he kissed the back of Louis’ neck and buried his dick further against his crack. Louis moaned softly, arching his back, hand grabbing Harry’s ass and pulling him closer.

“Morning,” Louis whispered, “I’m very sure, very sober, and you feel very, _very_ good.” 

Louis rolled over easily and instantly opened his legs so Harry could fit between them. Harry kissed him roughly as a reward. 

He’s such a good boy, _Harry’s_ good boy.

Harry could feel Louis’ hard cock pulse against his naked skin. There’s always something so incredibly delicate and mesmerizing about touching the person you love first thing in the morning. About running hands over Louis’ smooth and soft skin, fingers leaving untraceable, warm lines all over his body.

A mixture of heat and fear ran through Harry’s insides. This could be their last time being this close. He didn’t know if Louis would ever let him touch him like this morning ever again. So, following old habits, Harry got mentally ready to give Louis the fuck of his life. Because if they were about to end everything, they had to do it with a bang.

_This way you will know that nobody does it better, nobody ever will. It will always be me._

“I’m gonna need you to open your pretty holes for me. Mouth first,” said Harry while pushing two fingers inside Louis’ mouth. He eagerly obeyed, sucking both, body always ready to please Harry in whatever he asked. He didn’t stop until his fingers were dripping in his spit. He already looked blissed out, as if sucking Harry’s fingers wasn’t a task but a pleasure, a privilege. The way Louis made Harry feel was very dangerous, he made him feel powerful, _loved_. 

“That’s enough, _princess,_ ” Harry said. Louis moaned around his fingers but let him go. “I have lube in my nightstand, but I want you to feel just my fingers first because I know that’s what you need right now.” 

Louis grabbed Harry’s hand, desperately guiding him down to his ass. “Easy, baby. I need you to grab the lube first. Can you do that for me?”

“But you said—” Louis whimpered.

“I know what I said, I still need the lube for later. I’m planning to fuck you all morning,” Harry said with an innocent smile.

“Shit, alright,” Louis replied breathlessly while untangling himself from Harry.

Harry waited for Louis to be on all fours and grabbing the lube to shove his dripping wet fingers into his ass. 

Louis halted and hissed under his breath, “ _Shit_.”

“Did you drop the lube, baby?” Harry said, arm holding Louis close by the waist, and fingers moving slowly in and out of him. “Come on, angel, pick it up.” 

“Can’t—hurts _so_ good,” he whimpered softly, body pliant, and face flushed against the bed. 

“Sure you can. You’re already taking my fingers so good, baby, so perfect.” Harry couldn’t get enough of the feeling of making Louis feel as precious as he saw him. “You just need to pick up the lube so I can fuck you just the way you like.”

As soon as Louis started to move, Harry pressed his fingers even deeper inside him. He felt Louis’ ring quivering around him.

“ _Please_ —” Louis managed to say.

“Please what, baby?” Harry worked his mouth over Louis’ neck, sucking and licking at it between gentle bites. “Pick up your lube.” 

“Please let me— _oh fuck.”_ And with that sound, Harry knew he hit the right spot. 

He kept stroking there with still slow, but precise movements. Louis swore under his breath, helplessly swaying his hips at the rhythm of Harry’s finger.

“Watch your mouth, angel,” Harry said before landing a hard smack on his ass, pulling an adorable choking sound out of Louis. “If you don’t behave, I’m gonna leave you here all hard and wet. The only thing you will get out of me will be pancakes.” 

“Want that too, I want everything with you, _only you._ ” Louis was always putty in Harry's hands, so he didn’t let those words get into his head… _much_.

“Oh, I’ll give you all the pancakes you want, but first I’m gonna fill this lovely ass of yours with my come,” Harry said while licking around the shell of Louis' ear.

“I win anyways.” Louis squirmed in his grip and Harry lazily grinned against his neck.

“Baby, if you win… I win,” Harry chuckled, sucking hard on his favorite spot right at the end of Louis’ jawline

He let go of Louis' waist and grabbed his hand, guiding him until they both reached the bottle of lube sitting on the floor, fingers laced through his. Harry’s cock swelling even more in the beginning of Louis’ crack.

“Now, face down on the bed.”

Louis quickly obeyed and Harry took his time to admire the sight in front of him, a stark naked Louis’ presenting his spit-wet hole just for him. 

He parted his cheeks with both thumbs and circled Louis’ rim with his tongue, letting the tip dip into his hole. Louis let out a hard gasp, elbows pressed against the bed after his hands gave up. Harry started to give little thrusts with his tongue, hands grabbing Louis’ ass bruisingly tight after he started to squirm and seek a bit of friction for his neglected cock.

“Stay still,” Harry ordered with a muffled and hoarse voice before speeding up his pace, tongue driving in and out of Louis’ rim.

“ _Please,_ ” Louis choked out with shaky breath. “I—I need you inside me _so_ bad, I need you close, always close, _Daddy_ , please.”

Louis was going to be the death of Harry someday.

Harry replied to him with a hard smack against his left arsecheek, tongue still fucking into his ass at the same time the fingernails of his right hand dug half-moone shaped marks into Louis’ hipbone. He was about to grab the lube to give Louis exactly what he wanted when he heard a hard knock on the door.

“Uh… guys, I’m—sorry to interrupt but—uh, Noah and Axel are here?” Harry felt Louis' body go completely still at the sound of Mitch’s hesitant voice. Harry grabbed him harder.

“Show me your hole,” Harry ordered Louis. Louis moved his head, looking at Harry with a confused frown on his face. 

_“Harry—”_ Louis started, but Harry stopped him before he could say more.

“Didn’t you hear me, baby? I want you to present your pretty hole to me,” Harry said in a commanding tone.

Louis moved slowly and Harry noticed he was shaking from head to toe. “Can you tell Daddy your color?”

“Green,” Louis breathed, word cracking at the end while he readjusted himself in the bed.

“Promise?” Harry asked, rubbing his fingers up and down Louis’ thighs soothingly. He then dug them in in a quick and abrupt motion, raising more lines against Louis’ pale skin.

“Yes, Daddy,” Louis said, staring into Harry’s eyes, face misted with sweat, docile eyes and blotchy cheeks.

And there it was, after everything, his boy was giving him all his power, his trust. Harry felt like crying at the sight of Louis spreading his cheeks apart, exposing his spit-wet, pretty hole. Honored by the responsibility he was given again.

“There’s my angel,” Harry said before kissing his lower back, almost at the beginning of his crack, as carefully and slowly as he could as Louis sighed and moaned against a pillow. Harry knew he was going to wank to that sound for the rest of his life.

“Uh, guys?” Mitch knocked three more times.

“Tell them we are coming,” Harry snapped at Mitch, adoring eyes never leaving Louis.

“Harry you know I don’t like confrontations, they take way too much time,” Mitch said, annoyed. Louis giggled underneath him.

“Just tell him that,” Harry yelled at Mitch and with a softer voice he added, _“_ Please _.”_

“What are you going to do?” Louis whispered with puffy, red, edible lips after they both were sure Mitch had left them alone.

“Finish what I started,” Harry said with a rough voice. Louis whimpered, pressing his face down into the bed again as Harry began to spread soft little kisses to Louis’ hole, no tongue, just wet lips and a bit of stubble.

Harry darted out his tongue again, wetting along the rim and shoving a bit further against Louis’ hole. His stubble and chin slicking up with saliva, he continued to dive in as though he were a starving man, tongue dipping inside, swirling around just a bit before it was back at his ring again. He whirled it around before covering his hole and sucking, finger rubbing along Louis’ perineum.

“Daddy, _please_ more,” Louis tossed his head, bowing down into the bed and rutting his hips back onto Harry’s face to get whatever friction he possibly could.

Harry plunged back in, his tongue more forceful as it pushed against Louis’ hole, slicking his insides all up. Thumbs spread him wide as the rest of his fingers squeezed the soft and plump flesh of his ass. Louis let out a small yelp when Harry’s tongue hooked against his rim, thrusting in and out and tugging against his hole.

“ _Da-Daddy_ , I’m going to come!” Louis cried out, body sweaty and trembling.

Harry hummed into Louis’ ass before pushing a finger inside of Louis as another began to circle his perineum, tongue maintaining a frantic rhythm until he heard Louis’ loud scream and his body stiffened under him. Harry kept devouring his ass, just because he could and wanted to, slicking his chin messily, spit dribbling against the line of Louis’ ass, coating his balls. 

Eventually, Harry lifted himself onto his knees, fully aware of the dumb smile he was sporting on his face, messy stubble and all. Louis turned back and gave him a blissed out grin and then he pulled him into a kiss. It was sloppy, clumsy, desperate, Harry’s favorite type of kiss.

“Do you want me to…” 

Harry was dying to say yes, but he was aware that if he let Louis suck him, he’d probably end up fucking him all morning as he promised, but their time was limited and both of them knew that. 

Giving Louis a chaste kiss on his nose, Harry said, “I’m good, baby. Let’s get you those pancakes.” 

Seeing Louis’ happy smile after he said that made the ache of his hard cock completely worth it.

[✯]

Harry was hard inside his joggers, _painfully_ so. And Louis was wearing Harry’s clothes, still looking undeniable and thoroughly well fucked. Harry was. _Extremely. Painfully. Hard._

He could see Louis was slightly nervous beside him but didn’t know if it was because the bubble they’d created over the week was most probably about to burst, or if it was because he was about to meet his not-boyfriend while smelling like sex and Harry. 

“Hello, handsome, there you are,” Noah said as cheerfully as ever with Axel beside him. He tried to kiss Harry on the mouth but he subtly swayed his head, Noah’s mouth landing on his cheek. 

He needed to talk to him as soon as possible.

_Can you smell him on me?_

“Did you fly together?” Harry said after a brief hug.

“Axel texted me this Friday and offered to pay for my flight!” Noah said, beaming. Harry turned to see a stoic looking Axel holding Louis. “Mitch told me you were at the beach. Did you sunbathe? You look a bit flushed.”

He heard Louis cough.

“No,” Harry replied, mind running fast to find the quickest way to make Louis feel less uncomfortable. “Have you eaten? I was going to make some pancakes for Louis.” 

Louis looked gorgeous when startled, pink spreading from his cheeks to his neck and collarbones that were on full display thanks to Harry’s big jumper.

“Did you have a nice flight?” Louis asked a bit breathlessly as he tried to cover the bite marks on his neck.

 _I did that._ Harry smiled at the thought

“Yes, I did.” Noah said, smiling, either not noticing or deciding to ignore the situation. “And I’d love to eat some of your pancakes, babe.”

Louis visibly tensed at the pet name and Harry made a mental note to tell Noah later that there was no need to pretend they were something more than what they were.

“I’d also like to eat something, but I don’t like pancakes,” Axel spoke to the rest of them for the first time since he arrived. “Want me to order something for you, Lou?”

“No, I uhm—I’d like some pancakes,” Louis said shyly, looking at Harry. 

Harry gave him a reassuring smile that only served to make the flush on Louis' cheeks darken. 

“Then let’s just fucking eat,” Isaac mumbled, annoyed and with sleepy eyes. Harry had no fucking idea when he entered to the living room. “it’s too early for this shit,” he said as he walked to the kitchen at the same time Zayn walked into the living room.

“Oh, you arrived at the same time… how curious,” Louis’ friend said with suspicion in his eyes. 

At least Harry wasn't the only one thinking about how odd that was. 

Axel chuckled. “I was in LA for work and I remembered Noah lived there.”

Zayn hummed. “Well, the reservations I made for Luna was only for us five so if you want to join us you’re going to have to do something quick.”

“I can see what I can do.”

Zayn shrugged and followed in Isaac's footsteps, but not before whispering something in Louis’ ear that made the petite boy flush and smile.

As they all walked to the kitchen, Harry finally asked Noah, “How was your trip?

The photographer ranted about it with puppy-like excitement but the only thing on Harry's mind was going back to his room with Louis and staying there for the rest of their days, wrapped around each other. 

Brunch passed easily, everyone rejecting Harry’s pancakes but Noah and Louis who eagerly and happily ate every single one Harry offered them. It took Harry all the strength in the world to not kiss Louis’ syrupy sticky lips every time he moaned or smiled while eating them.

Later that same day as they walked to the pool, Harry tried to talk with Noah about their arrangement. 

“Hey, so I was thinking about the whole pretending thing—”

“Hey, don’t worry,” Noah interrupted Harry while supporting his weight on his tippy toes, and kissed his jaw. “By the end of this trip, everyone will think we’re besotted with each other.” He had a familiar spark in his eyes, the same spark that made him want to come back to him like nobody else since Louis.

Speaking of the devil and as if he was summoned, slim arms crept around his naked torso and pulled Harry out of his thoughts. He had to suppress the urge to shiver, knowing very well who was behind him.

“Are you coming?” Louis said before biting his shoulder playfully. 

And that was new, because Louis always kept his distance when Noah or Axel were around. He was so far away sometimes, Harry couldn’t feel him even when he was standing beside him.

In that moment, Harry also realized that every feeling for any other person became frail and dull in comparison to what he felt for Louis. There was no other smile, freckles, or smell that could compete with him. It was never going to be a fair match. At the end of all, it was only Louis. The one he wanted to grow old with, to always wake up to.

Harry twisted in his arms so he also could hug Louis’ back. “Do you want me to put sunscreen on your back, lazy kit?

“Always.” Louis giggled as he smacked a loud kiss onto Harry’s shoulder. “But hurry up, cause Mitch is making margaritas and Niall and I are going to finish them all,” he said while giving him a light smack on his ass before leaving.

Harry’s mom should feel proud about the inner control his son showed that afternoon. 

“I really like you around him,” Noah said.

“Hmm?” Harry absently replied while he watched Louis’ ass sway away from him.

“Louis,” Noah clarified, getting Harry’s full attention. “I like you around him. I’m so used to this image of you, this—this cool persona, sometimes too good to be attached to anything or anyone, ”he continued with a weird smile on his face. “But you’re different with him. He makes you look more human. More tender. You’re tender _friends_.”

“Tender… _friends,”_ Harry said, the last part a bit choked. 

“Yeah, like brothers or something, you’re really cute friends,” Noah said before walking out of the house, leaving a mortified—and more than slightly creeped out—Harry behind. 

When he finally arrived at the pool, everyone was already planning what they were going to do later that afternoon. Louis looked at him with an odd expression on his face. Harry’s bite marks all over his torso and neck. He looked like a work of art. 

_Harry’s_ work of art.

_Did Axel see them? Did he even care about them?_

“Come on, rockstar,” Noah said as he dragged him to the bar. “I need some drinks in my body if I want to survive this night.”

Harry couldn’t agree more.

[✯]

Harry was buzzed and slightly irritated. Axel spent all night all over Louis. The petty part of him wished Louis would just dump Axel right there, but he was smiling and Harry loved that. That smile was one of the most important things in his life. So he stayed quiet and danced until his feet hurt and drank until almost all his intrusive thoughts were muted.

“I want you to fuck me _so_ hard tonight,” Noah said close to his ear when they arrived at the house. And by the reaction Louis had, he was sure everyone heard it too.

Axel laughed loudly. “ _God_ ,” he said, after wobbling his way inside the living room. “Sorry, sorry, I’m clearly not laughing at you,” he looked at Noah with a pitiful smile. “You’re obviously a lovely boy. I think Harry and I can agree on that,” he added, and gave Harry a very odd look. “Is just… funny. I don’t know, I’m drunk, I’m sorry.” 

Just like that night in Chicago, Harry felt exposed in front of Axel, as if he knew something Harry hadn't caught onto yet. He looked at him with something akin to pity, and Harry could handle a lot of things, but pity wasn’t one of them. 

“What are you sorry for?” Harry asked as calmly as possible. “Getting drunk on a holiday trip and making a mess out of yourself?”

“Harry…” Mitch warned him, and Louis frowned. 

_Here we go._

“What?” Harry laughed. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. We’re all a little buzzed anyways. Right, _angel_?” he said to a sloshed Noah while looking at Louis. He knew it wasn’t fair, he also knew he was doing exactly what he promised not to. Harry was hurting Louis. Even if he couldn’t understand why Louis was getting hurt, he could clearly see it in his eyes.

“I think it’s better if we take them to their rooms,” Louis told him, almost sounding defeated. 

That being the first time Louis spoke to him that night, he’d probably decided that today, Harry wasn’t worth his time.

_It was only a matter of time._

Louis looked at him from afar with that same strange look he has been sporting since some time ago.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Harry replied at the same time as Isaac said, “Let me help you with Axel,” as he wrapped the drunk man’s arm around his neck.

“I’ll go with you,” Mitch said, following Isaac’s steps, then looking at Harry, he added, “Do you want me to take Noah with me?”

“I can walk alone. Look!” he said while firmly stomping his feet and walking to Harry’s room.

Mitch let out an amused chuckle before running to stabilize him.

“I’m not helping anyone, you fix your own messes,” Zayn said to Harry. “You know where my room is, Lou. You can come as soon as Isaac dumps Axel in yours.” He kissed Louis’ forehead before leaving them alone.

“Hey—” Louis said to Harry and cleared his throat. “If you want… I can come by after—“

“No,” Harry interrupted him harshly. “You stay with him. Last thing I want is to smell him on you while I fuck you.”

A mixture of shock and anger crossed Louis’ features. For a moment, Harry thought he would lash out, but after a few seconds, Louis’ stare recovered that blank, almost defeated look he was sporting just a few minutes ago. 

“You never cared before,” Louis said flatly, but with a hint of reproach and hurt hidden behind it. He looked pissed off and small. Harry was having an awful time seeing him like that.

“That’s where you are completely wrong,” he replied, before walking away.

[✯]

“Oh, you’re back!” Noah said, cheerfully drunk in Harry’s bed. “I was going to start wanking myself or something.” Harry started to change his clothes without replying. “You looked a bit over it out there. God this bed is comfy.” He heard some shuffling on the bed but kept focusing on not thinking about what Louis might be doing later tonight. “Smells good too. Did you wank a lot while I was away? _God,_ I’m _so_ horny.”

Harry decided to ignore the last thing and only replied, “The night was a bit boring, don’t you think?

“No, don’t think so. The food was good, the drinks were amazing and oh—Axel told me I was a lovely boy.” Noah giggled. “Louis and him are _so_ hot. But also kinda cute, even cuter than you and Louis, and that’s like… insane because you two look like puppies who can’t stop licking and biting each other, but they look _so_ cool.”

“You find everyone slightly famous hot and cool,” Harry replied a bit harshly. He didn’t intend to snap like that but that was the problem with a drunk Noah. He just couldn’t shut up.

“Someone is grumpy, I see.” 

“Sorry.” Harry sat down and Noah slid his feet onto his lap. He started to rub his ankle and heard the content sigh that escaped from Noah’s lips. So easy. “I’m just a bit tired. Suddenly there’s too many people and too much noise in the house.”

“Mmm,” Noah hummed. 

“I’m really sorry,” Harry said, hands crawling over the back of Noah’s leg.

“It’s okay,” Noah’s breath sped up while Harry continued with his massage, digging away the knots of tension in his calf. He was petite but his legs were strong due to all the years he played lacrosse. Harry liked that about him, the contrast between his softness and his compact muscles. 

Harry liked a lot of small things about Noah, so it didn’t make sense why he couldn’t like _all_ of him.

“Are you thinking about him?” Noah asked, as he pulled his leg from Harry’s grip.

“I— _what?_ ” Harry was lost trying to understand what Noah just said. Maybe he was a lot more drunk than he thought.

“Nothing, forget about it, I’m tipsy and horny and you look so, _so_ good.” Noah clumsily tried to crawl onto Harry’s lap.

“I’m not really in the mood, love,” Harry said gently as he stopped Noah. “I’m sorry.” 

“You miss him that much?” Noah said, sitting beside him.

“Yeah,” Harry admitted sincerely. Too tired to pretend in front of everyone. 

Noah huffed, leaning back against the bed. “Why don’t you text him then?”

 _Because he’s probably being fucked by his Axel right now,_ Harry wanted to say. He bitterly laughed and replied instead, “And what should I send him?” 

“I don't know… ask him what’s up?”

_But what if he ignores the texts, or worse, what if he sees them and laughs at them. Do you want him to know how desperate you are? How needy you are for him and his attention. How pathe—_

Harry squeezed his eyes tightly while pushing his hair out of his face. He didn’t want to be drowned by his insecurities, not anymore. 

But the thing about insecurities was that they didn’t just leave you when you learned where they came from or how useless they were. Harry was aware that there would be nights—like this one—where he was going to falter and doubt himself. Nights where he would question his worth and the things he deserved. But he also was aware that he needed to push forward, _always_. 

So he pushed forward.

“Yeah, I might do that,” he said, more to himself than to Noah.

“Great,” Noah said in an odd tone. “Are you going to sleep here?”

Harry contemplated the idea for a moment. It would be nice to not wake up alone, he could even play with the fantasy that Louis was beside him. However, that was extremely fucked up and unfair to Noah. The boy was doing plenty for him already.

“Nah, don’t think so. Is that okay with you?” Harry said, getting up from the bed.

“Yeah, whatever,” Noah said as he stripped the bed off. 

“I’m really sorry.” 

In his defense, he really _was_ sorry. He wished he could give Noah something as simple as what he wanted: sex. And a week ago, he’d have easily agreed. Harry wasn’t the one to deny a night of simple and well needed release, but after all the talking he did with Louis that week, a lot of things came into perspective.

“It’s fine, really,” Noah waved him off, still sounding a bit odd. “I can’t force you to be in the mood.” Then he added with a flirty smile, “We can fuck tomorrow anyways.”

Harry laughed. “Sure, why not.”

[✯]

It took Harry several minutes, a few tries and a lot of courage to finally send the first text. However, after that, he seemed unable to stop himself from sending more.

**[3:28]**

_is he giving it to u good?_

_in the way u need?_

_when the fuck are u gonna realize u don’t_

_need more cocks, you just need mine_

Time passed by and Harry was losing hope. He got one thing clear: Louis wasn’t going to reply, not that night, not the next day, probably not ever. And it was okay, because no matter what happened the next day, he pushed forward, he tried, he did something.

Pouring himself another glass of water, he was getting mentally ready to go to one of the spare rooms when he heard someone stomping in the hallway. 

The last thing he expected when he followed the sound was to find an angry Louis walking towards his room. Harry tried to stop him but he was already barging inside it.

“What the fuck is wro— _oh fuck_ , I’m _so_ sorry,” Louis said nervously, quickly turning the room’s lights off again. 

“Hey,” Harry said calmly while the tug of his heart got almost painful.

_He came._

“What’s going on?” Noah said, disoriented and half-asleep.

“Nothing, go back to sleep,” Harry ordered Noah. Louis looked confused, eyes so big, so blue. “Come here,” he curled a hand around Louis’ wrist and started to walk towards a spare room. “We need to talk.”

For someone who just barged into a room almost screaming bloody murder, Louis was very, _very_ quiet.

“What were you thinking?” Harry said after seeing Louis wasn’t going to talk. “Did you even think that through?” Harry moved closer until their chests were almost touching. Louis let him. “What if we were fucking?” He lowered his face and hissed in Louis’ ear, “Would you have liked to see that? Me fucking another man?” Louis balled his fists. “Imagining how good my cock would feel inside you while I pound another tight, little ass?” he asked, wetting his lips, tongue softly caressing Louis’ earlobe. “Thinking how much better it would fit in you, _only_ you.”

“What were _you_ thinking?” Louis snapped, finally breaking out of his daze, pointer finger digging into Harry’s chest. “I truly don’t understand you anymore. One minute you are the sweetest, most amazing person in the whole fucking world, then you turn into an absolute bastard. One minute you want to fuck and touch me and the next—” Louis chuckled bitterly, eyes cast down. “The next, you’re disgusted by my mere presence”

Harry wanted to snap back, wanted to scream, how fucking dare him to even think anybody—let alone Harry—could be disgusted by him. How incredibly ridiculous it was. However, when he was about to do it, stormy eyes full of anger and sadness looked up at him, and all the fight left his body. 

“Baby,” Harry started. He felt Louis try to pull away but Harry held him still. “No, you’re going to listen to me. Ninety percent of the time, I find you fascinating. All of you. From your laugh, to your mind.” Harry said with a soft voice, thumb caressing Louis’ neck until it found the frenzied beat of his pulse. “You make me want to know more, not only about you or the world in general, but about me.” 

“So the other percentage is you hating my guts,” Louis said flatly, still avoiding Harry’s eyes.

“The other percentage,” Harry said with mirth in his voice, “is me finding you annoyingly hot and wanting to smack that bouncy ass of yours.”

“Stop it, I’m serious.” Louis detached his body from Harry’s arms. “What’s going on?” 

“Did he fucking tell you how beautiful you looked tonight in that little dress?”

Louis crossed his arms and sniffed, but his rosy cheeks gave away how much he liked Harry’s compliment. “I don’t need anyone telling me I look good, I know I do.”

“Sometimes, angel, it’s not really about what you need, but what you deserve, and you deserve to be praised all the fucking time.”

“You can’t sweet talk your way out of this, not this time,” Louis said with serious eyes. 

Harry closed his eyes. “I don’t know, okay? I’m just…” Harry tried. Just what? It wasn’t as if he could just say it hurt to see Louis in love with someone else that wasn’t him. That was selfish. Childish. Louis would hate him for that. 

“Just what?” Louis said with a strange look on his face. 

“I’m just worried about you, I guess.”

“Worried about me…” Louis repeated, voice flat and with a hint of disappointment.

“I mean, can you blame me?” Harry said defensively. “Everyone knows you’re attracted to assholes, baby. What if you end up falling in love with one.”

Louis’ expression hardened for a few seconds before turning completely blank.

“Don’t worry,” he said almost robotically. “I already did that and I turned out just fine.”

Something ugly recoiled in Harry’s stomach. He didn’t want to hear this. All the _“what ifs”_ crumbling in one single sentence. 

Louis _was_ in love. 

Harry knew he should be happy for him, because this is what he wanted for Louis, his happiness. And what more happiness can he ask for than to love and have it be reciprocated. Harry should be happy for Louis. 

“What are you thinking?” Louis asked with furrowed brows and worried eyes. Because that was the other thing, no matter how upset they were with each other, Louis always worried for him.

Sometimes, Harry couldn’t help but think Louis only stayed just to make sure Harry was actually okay. To stop his worries.

“Nothing,” Harry said, because it was late. Because Louis was in love. “That I love those joggers on you. I need to buy you some more.” Because he was a moron.

Louis' eyes hardened again. “I need you to stop treating me as if you were my boyfriend,” he said with a clenched jaw. Harry mirrored him.

“Like… in front of your _other_ boyfriend or…?” Harry said, voice sounding as teasing as it was sorrowful. Body leaning closer to Louis.

“Everywhere, Harry. It’s not fun anymore,” Louis said firmly. Harry slowly and carefully tried to slide an arm around his waist. Louis let out a shaky and long breath. Nevertheless, he let Harry pull him closer. “And there’s no _‘other_ boyfriend’,” he added, “because in any case, Axel would be my _only_ boyfriend and considering Axel isn’t even that…” Louis continued babbling as Harry slowly leaned his head closer to him and worked his mouth over his neck in gentle nibbles. “There’s—there’s n-no point in any of this.”

_You just told me you want me to stop. Why are you letting me do this to you?_

“Baby,” Harry said while Louis pliantly tilted his head to the side, letting Harry trail the end of his jawline with his lips. “You look the prettiest when you lie,” he whispered into the shell of his ear. And before Louis could leave him again, Harry left first.

[✯]

The night felt humid and warm, almost suffocating, but the view was incomparable. Harry was sure he’d never seen this amount of stars in his life, it made everything feel timeless and ethereal. Harry let himself relax, eyes closed, just listening to the waves crashing against the shore. 

So far, it was a pretty uneventful night. They decided to stay in to recover from the night prior. Mitch and Zayn prepared a mean dinner, and Isaac became an expert mixologist. After they ate, they went to the fire pit close to the pool, they laughed, smoked, and drank some more. It was almost good until Mitch decided it was time for him to sleep.

“I think I’m gonna go too.” Isaac got up, stretching himself. “My eyes are closing.”

“I’m going with you, I refuse to stay alone with them,” Zayn added right after.

“Hey, don’t go.” Noah pouted from Harry’s lap. “We’re having so much fun.” He looked relaxed and content and Harry wondered if he truly didn’t notice the tension surrounding them.

Zayn snorted and shook his head. “I’m not even going to reply to that.”

“Let us old people have some rest,” Mitch said, “but you have fun.” 

“Not too much,” Isaac yelled from the sliding door.

“Have all the fun you want.” Mitch winked at Harry. “See you guys tomorrow.” He waved to all of them before leaving.

Everyone went quiet after that, tension only growing between them. Harry was about to cut the bullshit and tell Noah they should go inside when he saw Axel’s hand caressing Louis’ thigh, so casually that it made Harry’s head go dizzy with jealousy.

“Can you pass me the bottle?” Harry asked Louis.

“Which one?” Louis replied with a feigned disinterested tone. 

“The champagne, Noah likes champagne.”

The bottle was closer to Harry than it was to Louis and he was almost sure Louis was going to deny his request. However, and to his and everyone’s surprise, he slowly, very slowly sat up and grabbed the bottle.

“Do you also want a glass?” Louis' voice had an unrecognizable edge.

“Yes, plea—” Noah was cut off by Harry’s, “No, just the bottle is fine.”

Noah’s cheeks went from rosie to crimson in a matter of seconds after Harry grabbed the bottle and ordered him to open his mouth. He did what he was told anyways. 

“Want more?” Harry arched his brows as the boy looked shyly at Axel and Louis. Harry followed his gaze, noticing for one part how hard Axel was trying to not react to them while Louis played with his phone, not caring about what was happening in front of him. “Look at me, _baby_ ,” he commanded.

Louis’ eyes snapped up at that, finally looking at Harry.

“Y-yes,” Noah whispered.

Not telling him twice, Harry poured champagne into his mouth and kissed Noah languidly, intense gaze never leaving Louis’ eyes, even when his lap and lips were full of Noah. 

Harry noticed when it dawned on Louis that all of that show was for him. From the champagne to the _“baby”,_ it was _all_ for him. 

Harry broke the kiss even when Noah whimpered for more. It was too late.

“You want some?” Harry asked Louis with a low voice and red bitten lips.

Axel turned to Louis who was already looking at him. He wasn’t questioning anything, just checking on him. Harry saw how Axel simply shrugged. 

Harry didn’t wait for a reply to come close to Louis, leaving a flushed and confused Noah on the couch. 

The warm air hitting Harry’s lungs felt like no air at all, as he saw Louis opening his legs for him with no instruction or command. 

“Open wide,” Harry rasped, pulling Louis’ bottom lip down as he messily, slowly poured champagne all over his mouth and chin. “You spilled a bit, let’s clean you up,” he whispered, before slowly licking a trail of champagne from his neck to his mouth. “Can I taste?” Harry was hovering over Louis completely, one knee placed in the space between Louis’ legs so no one else but him could see or hear his answer.

“Please, Da—” 

Harry groaned and quickly changed positions, he fiercely kissed Louis before he could even finish his last word. 

The kiss felt like a punishment, nothing compared with the tender, almost full of love ones they shared the day before.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Noah rasped out.

Harry stopped the kiss for a few seconds and shifted their bodies.

“Angel, my fingers are a bit messy, could you help me out with that.” Harry held his champagne-wet fingers close to Louis’ mouth. 

He leaned forward as he lapped at his fingers, a quick dart of his tongue before he was looking up at Harry to see if that was what he wanted. 

Harry nodded reassuringly and Louis continued to lick his sticky digits. When he sucked them into his mouth, Harry hissed as the wet heat greedily took in all of the fingers offered. “Looks like my angel is hungry.”

“Can I join the fun?” he heard Noah ask.

Blinking slowly, Louis broke eye contact with Harry. “Sure, come here.”

 _“What?”_ Harry and Axel said at the same time.

“Oh, okay!” Noah replied excitedly, completely ignoring Harry and Axel's reactions.

“Do you want to join too?” Louis asked, looking at Axel. Harry wanted to call everything off, but he didn’t want to let Louis go. Axel, obviously, nodded. “Perfect. Your room or mine?” he asked Harry.

Louis didn’t ask him if he wanted it like he did with Axel and Noah. Although his eyes were more cautious for him, softer. As if he was asking him if he was okay with it.

Harry nodded once before kissing him again. They were doing it, not really caring how little the others knew about how Harry and Louis acted in bed. How selfish they usually were when they were together, how fucking greedy.

There was a part of him that felt excited by it all. Harry loved the idea of Louis enjoying himself, driven by the pleasure of two people giving all their attention to him, and wanted to see how he’d react when the attention wasn’t on him. 

Would he squirm and whine until the attention was back on him or would he give Noah as much as he wanted to receive?

Harry shivered at the thought, he was ready for whatever the night had prepared for them.

[✯]

As Harry gathered some fruit and drinks to give Louis after they finished, he took his time to calm himself down. He didn’t imagine his night ending like that, with the possibility of Louis and him together. 

“Brought water,” Harry said as he entered the room minutes later. “Where’s Louis?” he furrowed his brows, eyes searching for him.

“Bathroom,” Axel replied. 

“Is he okay? Have you checked on him?” Harry said, getting closer to the bathroom door. “I’m going in.” He didn't care how stubborn he sounded, he needed to check on Louis, to know for sure if he was really okay with what they were about to do.

“Give him some time.” Axel rubbed his temples as Noah said, “Maybe he’s getting ready.”

“He is—I’m going in...” 

Harry opened the door at the same time as Louis was coming out from the bathroom.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked worriedly.

“Yes, I was just…” Louis mumbled something more but Harry couldn’t understand.

“You were what, baby?” Harry leaned in, head close to Louis’ face.

“I was cleaning myself,” Louis whispered. “I didn’t expect we would do this tonight.”

“Angel,” Harry nuzzled Louis' jawline with his nose.

“I just want to warn you that I’ve never done something like this before, so you’ll have to help me,” Noah said loudly from the bed.

“Don’t worry, me either,” Axel reassured him as he walked closer to where they were. “Come here, Louis, let’s go to bed,” he said, grabbing Louis’ arm.

Louis looked at him, waiting for Harry to give him the order.

“Go,” Harry gave Louis a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth and watched him walk to the bed.

“Can I kiss you?” Noah murmured shyly at Louis. 

Louis for his part, and in reply, softly batted his eyelashes and parted his lips, a clear invitation to have him all if Noah wanted. Noah was kissing him in a matter of seconds, the kiss looked soft and tender, small whimpers coming from both boys.

Harry slowly stripped himself down, letting the two boys enjoy themselves, but when Axel began to caress Louis’ back up and down he was unable to hold himself back. 

Harry’s calloused hand stopped Axel’s as his mouth kissed Louis’ neck. “Let’s take off your clothes, petal.” 

He swiftly pulled Louis away from Noah and Axel and laid him on the bed as he dragged his joggers down, taking his time to kiss and lick Louis’ smooth legs in the process. He faintly heard Noah whimper for attention but Harry could no longer take his hands or eyes away from his boy. He wanted to feel every curve, re-discover every peak, taste every inch. He wanted all of him, all to himself. 

His hand drifted across his throat and his nose and mouth followed. Louis' fingers raked down his chest, he was devouring him with his eyes and Harry loved seeing the unabashed need on his face. Harry left a tender kiss on his nose before ravishing his mouth, Louis tangled his fingers in his hair, keeping them together. His hand clumsily reached toward his aching cock, making Harry grunt at the sensation.

The sound probably gave Louis the courage he needed because next thing he knew Louis was rolling them over and pinning Harry down as he kissed him roughly. He felt how he began to lose himself in the sensation of Harry's cock grinding in the crack of his ass, own erection painting Harry’s stomatch with pre-cum when he felt the bed dip beside him.

“Come on, let’s join them.” 

Harry heard Axel unbelt his trousers as Noah kissed Louis’ back. Harry snapped his eyes at Noah, dark and narrowed.

“Darling…” Harry tried to get Noah’s attention to no avail. “Noah,” he tried again with a harsher tone, hips coming to a halt, making Louis whine on top of him. “It’s okay, baby, I just need Noah to focus, it’s all okay,” he reassured Louis, kissing his chest, hands still pinned down by the boy.

Noah furrowed his eyes. “I _am_ focused…?”

Harry tried to calm himself down, it wasn’t Noah’s fault he just couldn’t handle seeing other people kissing Louis anymore. 

“Just… pass me the lube, yeah?”

That made Noah relax and smile at Harry. “I—sure,” he breathed out.

“Got it,” Axel said, throwing the lube at Harry.

“Thanks,” Harry curtly replied, eyes focused on Louis again. “Now that you have me down and at your mercy, I need you to open yourself for all of us,” he said, kissing Louis’ arm. “Can you do that for me, baby?”

“Can I help?” Noah whispered.

“No. He needs to do it alone, the way he likes it. Right, angel?”

Louis nodded vigorously as he grabbed the lube with shaky hands. Noah pulled back a bit to give the boy enough space to insert one slicked finger inside of himself, no teasing, straight to business. 

“Go slower, baby.” Harry moved one hand from his head to Louis’ cheeks. 

Louis batted Harry’s hand away, to then hold it tightly on top of his head. “N-not yet,” he gasped out, ragged breaths hitting Harry’s temple as he buried a second finger inside of him.

“Look at you, we are just starting and you’re already making the most beautiful sounds,” Harry said with a rough tone.

“Like that, do you? How everyone can’t stop looking at you, how beautiful you look opening yourself,” Harry praised Louis before getting closer to his ear. “How they can see but only _I_ can touch,” he said that last part loud enough so everyone could hear it. He easily detached one of his hands from Louis’ hold, fingers trailing down his spine. “Let me make you feel good, baby.” 

Harry carefully pushed the pad of his middle finger alongside Louis’, making the boy hiss in pleasure at the intrusion, thighs shaking. It took Louis a few seconds to recover before continuing to move his fingers in and out of his slit, Harry following his movements with his.

“ _God_ , I wish we had a mirror so you could see how perfectly we move together. Dream team and all that shit, yeah?”

“Sh _—god, yes—_ shut up,” Louis said in a breathless laugh. 

“God, I love when you laugh,” Harry said with an adoring smile. “Come on, angel, let _Daddy_ in,” he clearly heard a loud gasp coming from afar, but he couldn’t care less, not when he was lubing his cock with one hand and scissoring Louis with the other.

After that, everything felt like a flash of moans, sweat, and skin, before Harry was impaling himself inside Louis with a guttural groan.

“Harry…” Noah tried to get the boy’s attention with no success as Harry rolled Louis underneath him, fucking him fast and mercilessly. 

The rest of the world dimmed as they both moved together seamlessly. The situation was completely ridiculous, but Harry couldn’t find it in himself to feel guilty, if this was what Louis wanted, the rest of the world could burn.

“We need to make some new ground rules,” Axel said with a cold and stern tone. This made Harry slightly falter in his movements, but when he realized Louis was in too deep to fully understand what the man was saying he kept pounding into him. “You’re fucking unbelievable,” he heard him say before walking out of the room, Noah following behind him.

Louis grabbed his head and pulled him closer as his cries increased. He was close, just like Harry. He felt his stomach clench, felt the release bursting from him as the pleasure exploded over his body. Louis stiffened under him and cried out at the same time as Harry groaned, both riding out their orgasms together. It almost never happened, it felt like both were in sync, felt like Louis was feeling as much as Harry was in that moment. 

Staring at each other, they panted until their hearts slowed down. For a big part of the night Harry switched back and forth between kissing and licking every inch of Louis’ body, and staring at him with unabashed longing. Harry knew he would never be enough for Louis, but in moments like this, a small sliver of hope always slithered inside him. 

“Are they very upset?” Louis whispered against his chest after Harry cleaned him.

“Don’t worry about that right now, we can always talk things out tomorrow. But now, you need to rest.” Harry kissed the top of Louis’ head as he stroked his back up and down.

“Thank you,” he said softly, leaving a chaste kiss on his chin. 

_I’d give you everything, if you’d only take it._

Harry didn’t exactly know why Louis was thanking him, but he let himself enjoy the tender moment. Leaving one last kiss on Louis’ nose, they fell asleep.

[✯]

Harry woke up relaxed and satisfied, with the night prior coming back to him in bits and pieces. Louis’ soft skin against his lips, hips thrusting hard and wild against Louis’ warm and tight entrance, his smell, his smile. It was an intoxicating feeling, having Louis all to himself, he knew that what he did wasn’t adequate, but who cared about being adequacy or foursome etiquette when you had the man of your dreams panting and calling _only_ your name over and over again. 

With his eyes still closed, Harry smiled at his own thought and pulled the body beside him closer, breathing it in. Coming more into his senses, he noticed something wasn’t fully right. Maybe it was the smell, or the way Harry’s body didn’t quite fit with the person beside him, at least, not like it used to.

He pulled back, eyes now wide open, to find a sleepy and smiling Noah. Harry’s stomach made an unpleasant turn, not because it was a particularly displeasing thing to wake up to, but because he was expecting somebody else. 

_Where the hell is Louis?_

“Good morning, sunshine.” Noah smiled at him.

“Uh… morning.” Harry didn’t really know what to say or how to react due what happened the night before. “Hey… How—how are you?” Great save, very natural.

“Amazing, and _so_ horny,” Noah said, grinding his crotch against Harry’s hips as he kissed his jaw. “I’m sorry for bailing last night, I just didn’t know what to do, I promise I’ll be good next time.”

Harry frowned. “Next time?” 

Why would Noah want to repeat what happened? Why was he acting so strange?

“Yes, Axel wants to talk with all of us about it, he can’t wait,” Noah said between kisses as he climbed on top of Harry. “I want him to fuck me hard in front of you,” he whispered close to his ear.

“Um… okay? Just let me…” Harry gently pushed Noah, making the boy whine on top of him. “Move a bit, you’re kinda crushing my balls,” he said lamely, head a bit disoriented.

Noah moved, ass sitting perfectly on top of Harry’s cock. “Do you like me better here?” he whispered before kissing him.

Harry was about to move the boy again to ask what was going on when the door of his bathroom opened, showing a very wet, lovely, and startled Louis. Because of course, this was Harry’s life and things just never worked as he planned.

“Hey,” Louis said breathlessly. His robe was big and fluffy and a little bit loose, showing not only his collarbone and chest tattoo, but also one of his rosy nipples. Same nipple that matched perfectly, not only with his current very rosy cheeks, but with the tip of his pretty little co—

“Hiya Lou,” Noah said cheerfully, interrupting Harry’s thoughts. “Want to join us?”

 _“No,”_ both Louis and Harry replied at the same time, probably for very different reasons.

Truth was, the last thing Harry wanted after last night was to have a threesome, he didn’t want to pay attention to any other person who wasn’t Louis. 

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind,” Noah said.

“But I—” Louis cut himself off. “I’m hungry,” he said with a small voice, Harry was dying to hug him. “I think I’m going to make some breakfast.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Noah waved him off. “Axel must be coming with it.” 

“W-With breakfast? Here? In this room?” Louis said with a mortified voice.

That was Harry’s cue to move Noah off of him for once and for all. 

“Hey, come here,” Harry said, crawling to the end of the bed. “Are you okay?”

“I’m really fine, yeah,” Louis said, blinking rapidly. He wasn’t fine nor comfortable, Harry needed to get him out of that room as soon as possible. 

“Is everyone up?” Axel asked from the door with a full tray of food. “I brought some fruits and pastries.”

“Finally,” Noah groaned. “Louis and I were starving.”

“Were you, gorgeous?” Axel smiled at Louis, leaving the tray on the bed; he walked towards the boy and kissed him softly on the lips. “Did you miss me?”

“I— yeah...” Louis said with big eyes and a slack, surprised mouth.

Axel smiled again. “Okay, I’m not gonna make this any more awkward, we all know what happened yesterday,” he said, looking directly at Harry. “I’m not mad.” His voice and eyes were soft as he looked at Louis. “But we do need some new rules, okay?”

“Uh...” Louis breathed as Noah said, “I’m down.” 

Harry wanted to protest.

“Rule number one, no more drunk encounters. All parties _need_ to be sober and fully aware of what they’re doing. Rule number two, let’s try not to fool around if the other parties aren’t present. And finally rule number three,” he said, bopping Louis’ nose. “If in any case you want to fool around with one of the parties, be kind and at least inform everyone about what you’re about to do.”

_Wait, what?..._

“Are you saying, you aren’t allowed to kiss Louis if I’m not present? Because that’s exactly how it sounded,” Harry said, crossing his arms and feeling more and more confused each minute that passed. “And you just… decided that without consulting Louis first…?”

Axel’s gaze turned stern. “I am consulting with Louis now; we can change things if he or any of you wants to.”

“You can’t do this, mate,” Harry almost yelled, aware that he was overreacting a bit but not caring at all about it. “You talk with your partner first, then if your partner agrees, you can ask the rest. Louis always has to come first, _always_.” Noticing his slip, he corrected himself. “I mean, your partner.”

“I thought it was clear he wanted it after what happened yesterday.” Axel shrugged, as Louis turned red.

Harry wanted to yell that that felt more like a punishment than an arrangement, that he wanted out but he didn’t want to fuck things over for Louis. He was in love with Axel after all and if the jerk made Louis happy and was onboard with this, so was Harry.

“Just for this trip,” Harry said to Louis. The boy nodded in response. “After tomorrow, I’m out.”

“I’m out when you are,” Noah said, hugging him from behind.

“Great, then let’s enjoy our last day here,” Axel said, rubbing Louis’ back. “Now, how do you feel about putting some food in that tummy?” Louis smiled faintly at him. 

After Louis and Noah began to eat, Harry felt Axel grab his shoulder. “Can we talk in private?”

If Harry refused, things would only get even more awkward, so he got up and walked out of the room, Axel following his steps.

“What?” Harry said harshly.

“There’s no need to snap… I think you’re right and perhaps I didn’t think this through.”

Harry wasn’t expecting that. “You do?” he arched a brow. 

“Yeah, and this is why I need your help with this.”

“What do you mean with this?” Whatever it was Harry knew he wouldn’t like it.

“That whole dynamic you and Louis have going.” 

“Dynamic...?” Harry repeated slowly.

“I heard what he called you. I want to give him that, I want to make him happy.”

“You think you—You want to be his…” Harry closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing. “Let me get this clear, what you’re trying to tell me is that you want to _dom_ Louis Tomlinson…”

“I wouldn’t call it that but sure, and I really need your help for that. I-I love him,” Axel said earnestly. 

“You think you deserve to be that person for Louis because you love him?”

“Deserve?” Alex laughed. “I’ve worked to deserve many things in my life, my career, my status. Love isn’t about deserving, it’s about wanting to have something that is yours, someone for yourself. A want that burns so brightly it makes you be the best version of yourself. He calls you Daddy, don’t dare think that’s a fucking honorable title you earned. He calls you that because you know which buttons to push, a weird kink doesn’t equal love or what I could give him.”

And that was the difference between them. Because Harry did want to be someone who deserved Louis, someone he could be proud of. He wanted to grow old with Louis by his side with the certainty that he did everything in his power to make the man of his dreams as happy as he made him. He wanted Louis to have the best. And for the longest of times he thought he couldn’t be that, so he stayed away and waited and improved and waited a bit more and matured. He knew he still wasn’t even close to being the best for Louis, but one thing was sure, he was going to die trying.

Something hard tinted with anger began to grow inside his gut. He always tried to not be selfish, to think of Louis' happiness, but what about his own? And what if _he_ was Louis' happiness? 

“No.”

“No, what?”

Harry's smile felt almost hysterical. “If you think I’m going to sit here and teach you how to please the man _I_ love, you aren’t as smart as I thought.”

“Don't you want him to be happy? I could give him the stability you can’t.”

“It happens that I’m starting to think I can make him happier than you or any other person can. The free lesson and nice gestures are over.”

Axel’s eyes turned stony. “You think—” He snorted. “You know, Louis talks a lot about you, what you are—were to him. So I know what you did. Can I remind you that you had the opportunity to say something, but you never did? All this? Is because _you_ decided to not speak, because I think you know what I, your friends, and even _Louis_ knows; you aren’t ready for him, you may love the idea of being with him, but you’re afraid.” He narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know what of… maybe it’s commitment, maybe rejection—” Harry’s face must have shown something because Axel’s eyes went wide then turned almost pitiful. “Ah… you’re afraid of being rejected…”

“You can think whatever the fuck you want,” Harry spat through gritted teeth. “I’m _still_ not helping you.”

Axel shrugged. “And you _still_ aren’t Louis’ boyfriend, so I think we are even,” he said before leaving Harry upset and dumbfounded.

[✯]

“What were you thinking?” a dripping wet Louis hissed at Harry as he sat on his lounge chair, hands steady on Louis’ hips. Louis’ towel hung low, low, low, displaying his toned abs but soft belly. Droplets of water dripping past his collarbones, adorning Harry’s marks on his body—both temporary and permanent ones. 

After his conversation with Axel, they didn’t get much time to talk. Zayn pulled Louis inside his room seconds after they stepped into the living room. Harry opted to give them some space so he read a book at the beach. The last person he expected to find swimming alone in the pool when he came back was Louis.

“I was thinking about if you put sunscreen—”

“Don’t play dumb, Styles.” Louis poked his forehead softly once. “New rules?” he arched a brow.

Harry hummed. “Never liked the song.”

“Stop it,” Louis said, trying to repress a smile. “You know what I mean. Why did you say yes?”

_Because I’d do anything to see you happy? To be close to you._

Harry sighed, hands traveling up and down Louis’ tanned and _very_ naked waist. “Why did you?”

“I asked you first, just… answer my question.”

They were all alone on the terrace while the others were inside doing god knows what. Harry couldn’t care less, senses now completely attuned to the sound of the crashing of the waves and Louis’ breath. His skin felt fresh and silky soft under his fingers.

Harry smiled. “I really didn’t expect you to be alone. Malik finally let you go?”

Louis huffed but still replied. “Yeah, he’s taking a nap so we all can go out later.”

“Mmm…” Harry pulled Louis closer to him. “Want me to put some sunscreen on you?”

“Don’t change topics,” Louis grunted, but still let Harry drag him down between his legs. “I don’t know how to feel about this.”

Harry smiled softly as he adjusted Louis’ back against his chest before burying his face against his neck, leaving a soft peck there.

“If you don’t know how to feel,” Harry said, rubbing the lotion on Louis’ shoulders, feeling how his muscles relaxed with every caress, “isn’t it better if we don’t do anything? We’ve talked about this before, we need to be very clear about our limits.”

“But you said yes and everyone looked very into it.” Louis turned his face, a small frown apparent..

“Fuck them…” Harry’s hand moved to rub Louis’ tummy as his lips kissed the line between his eyebrows. “Well, in this case, don’t, if you don’t want to.”

Louis chuckled. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it's just…”

“You’re not used to more people.” Harry’s hand moved to Louis’ lower belly, fingers playing with his happy trail.

“Of course I am. How many times have we done this before.”

“But at the end of the day it was just the two of us.” Harry kissed Louis’ shoulder again. “Our rules, our boundaries.” He let his tongue trace Louis’ neck until it reached behind his ear. “Me pleasing you, you putting on a show for me, us showing the rest how it’s done.” He softly nibbled Louis’ earlobe as the boy let out a small whimper. “You know I never _actually_ fucked anyone in front of you, right?” he whispered close to his ear. “That no matter who was in our bed, it was always about you.”

“Harry…” Louis said as he adjusted himself so his ass was shamelessly rubbing against Harry’s crotch.

“It always made me so fucking wild, you make the prettiest of sounds when I’m fucking you good in front of other people. Do you like them seeing how much I belong to you?” Harry’s fingers played with the glistening tip of Louis’ dick that was poking out of his swim trunks. “How with a blink of an eye I can leave them hanging to attend to your needs? How _yours_ I am…”

“ _Shit_ ,” Louis hissed.

“Bet if I ask you to sit on my cock right now and bounce that pretty ass you would do it. No questions asked.”

“I—” 

“For Christ’s sake, can you please control your dicks for a second,” Zayn hissed a few meters from him, eyes covered. Harry quickly grabbed a towel that was thrown in the other chair and covered Louis with it. “Your boyfriends or whatever are inside cooking stuff for you and you’re here...”

“Putting sunscreen on each other,” Harry said, not leaving any room for Zayn to contradict his words.

“What does that even mean? Is that a position?”

Harry rolled his eyes and showed Zayn the sunscreen bottle. “See? Sunscreen, and they know where we are, they can come if they’re so desperate to see us.”

“I think it's better if we go…” Louis said as he started to get up, towel still covering him. 

Without looking at either of them he went inside the house. Harry tried to cover his erection the best he could with his hands.

Zayn huffed a laugh, gaze still following Louis’ steps.

“What?” Harry asked, ready to be criticized. 

He knew Zayn didn’t hate him anymore, but he also knew he didn’t exactly like him, or to sugarcoat situations. He was honest and everyone knew honesty always carried a hint of cruelty within. 

“Nothing, is just… I’ve known you for years now—since you reappeared into Louis’ life basically—and you have never liked to share. Not then, not now, yet you are still sharing the last person you would want to share.” He shrugged. “It’s a bit ironic.”

“I’m doing what he wants to. He wants that, I want him.”

“You love him,” Zayn corrected him. “And you don’t know if he actually wants that. Or have you _asked_ him?”

“I—no…”

“Then how can you be so sure about what he wants?” Zayn arched a brow. “Did you know that assuming things is the easiest way to avoid making hard decisions? Or in your specific case to avoid difficult conversations…”

“I know we have to talk.” Harry threw his head back, letting the warmth of the sun ease the sting of his eyes. Was he really about to open up to Zayn? “I used to be so scared of his rejection, but now I’m more scared of not being good enough for him. I want him to be proud of me and I know the only way he would be fully proud is if I’m proud of myself and get better for _me_ and not for him. There’s days that I’m not really sure if I would be able to fulfill his expectations. I’m still a fucking mess, I’m trying my best, but I don’t think it’s enough.”

“I think we can agree that Louis deserves what Louis wants. You’re right, you probably aren’t the best, man, I doubt you’d even make it into the top fifty,” he chuckled. “But for some reason, it seems he wants you, so why do you keep playing pretend with his clone?”

“His what?”

“Look, no one is telling you this because everyone is too afraid of hurting your feelings or getting on Louis’ bad side. But I’m safe,” Zayn shrugged. “I don’t really care about your feelings—no offence, I know it’s mutual—and Louis loves me too much to get mad at me for hurting you.” He sighed and waved his hand off. “Anyway, can you tell me some of the things you like about Noah?”

“I’m a bit lost… what are you—”

“Just tell me.”

“I don’t know, his eyes? His body? But it’s not just that, I like that I can’t put him in a box, I like his contrasts, how funny and easy-going he is while never losing focus on his goals. I like his level of maturity and his ability to be a complete brat in a lovely and charming way, I— _Oh…_ _oh fuck._..”

“Yeah, about that...”

“I’m a fucking asshole…”

“ _Eh_... Dumb? Maybe. Asshole? I don’t really know. In any case, Louis is as oblivious as you and I’m pretty sure Noah is aware of all of this and he still chose to come here and play house with you.”

“We aren’t dating, we—he’s not—we fuck sometimes, that’s _it,_ he knows.”

“I don’t think anyone in this house thinks you were together, no matter how hard he tried to make it seem otherwise, but that’s not really my business and I don't really care about your personal messes. If I’m having this conversation with you it’s because I don’t want Louis to be sad.”

“You’re a good friend.” 

Zayn sniffed. “I’m the best of the friends.” 

“Did you know I used to be fucking scared of you?”

“As you should, but why?”

Harry sighed, if he was going to confess, might as well go all in. “I knew the majority of the people Louis dated didn’t like me, and some of them even asked him to cut ties with me, but that never phased me because I knew he’d never listen to them, but you… he’d definitely think about it if you asked him.”

Zayn frowned. “I could have done that, sure, I don’t really like you and at first I didn’t trust you. I thought you just wanted to mess with him and his feelings and I’m sure if I told him to keep his distance because I was concerned, he’d have listened to me. But he’d also have resented me in the long run, and would have done whatever he felt like doing. He’s an adult, Harry, neither you _nor_ I can control his decisions, we may suggest some stuff and he may listen, but at the end he will always do what he wants.”

“No, I know, I just—”

“Felt threatened by my beauty, and I can’t blame you... But on a serious note, we all have felt insecure at some point in our lives, so don’t feel special, Mary Sue.”

“You truly know how to cheer people up,” Harry grumbled. 

“I’m trying my best. Now, I’m going to take my best friend to the spa, you can fix all your troubles later or tomorrow, now it’s my turn.”

[✯]

Mid-afternoon, Noah suggested that they go shopping and Harry couldn’t find any good excuse that wouldn’t hurt the boy's feelings. 

He spent a calm afternoon exploring different stores and buying different items. However, a niggling sense of disquiet in the form of a petite boy beside him made him stop in his tracks.

“What’s going on?” Harry sighed. “Can you please tell me before that store closes?”

“To buy Louis more things?”

“Well… yeah?” Harry said. Noah scoffed. “What? He likes gifts, I have money. I’m gonna buy him some gifts.”

“Oh my god… you don’t even fucking realize, do you?

Harry furrowed his brows. “Realize what?”

“When was the last time you bought something _for me_?”

“Is this your way of telling me you want something?

“No, this is my way of telling you that you focus more on your—on Louis than on me, the person who’s helping you here.” 

Something short circuited inside Harry. _“_ I told you it wasn’t necessary,” he said slowly. “I’m really grateful you offered but no one believes we are actually together anyways, so we can and _should_ stop. _”_

“What?”

 _“_ What you heard. And if you want something, you just have to pick whatever you want and I can pay for it. There’s no need to bring Louis into the problem.”

“I bring Louis into this because he is part of _your_ problem.” Noah dug into his chest harshly with his pointer finger. “You can’t even fathom picking something for me and I’m right beside you. And I know no one actually thinks we are a real couple, but that’s only because you never even _tried_.” He shook his head. “My head is pounding, I’m gonna leave and I don’t want you to follow me, we can talk later.”

[✯]

The club felt electric, everyone feeding off of the movements and smiles. No one could see the dance floor, it was wall to wall people dancing to the rhythm of the music. Louis looked like a vision in his satin dress—the one Harry bought for him that afternoon—he moved like his hips were made to sway, his shimmering skin catching the lights that twirled above, in the dark of the club. All Harry could see was his pretty cheekbones and mischievous eyes, teasing him, charming him.

He was dancing alone in a sea of people wanting to feel connected to something, to someone. Harry wanted to give him some space, knowing the last thing he would probably want was Harry plastered to his back when he only wanted to be left alone for a moment. He still was the brightest spot in the room and Harry couldn’t look away.

“I don’t know why he’s got you so worked up,” Noah mumbled beside him.

Harry wanted to roll his eyes at Noah. He wondered if the boy was actually naive enough to not realize the real reasons why their night out was going to shit or if he was just a very good actor. Because it seemed that contrary to what Axel said that morning, the last thing they wanted was to enjoy their last day there.

Starting with odd questions and comments that left both Louis and Harry equally puzzled and dumbfounded, to then turning a simple and innocent conversation about Mitch’s fascination with different modern art outlets into a snobbish and a somewhat cruel debate about loubell.

_“I just simply don’t get the hype about the whole account,” Axel drawled. “They try so hard but you can see the lack of knowledge they have about lighting and colors. I mean, for Christ’s sake, anyone can be a photographer on Instagram, don’t make such a big deal about it, it’s a bit pathetic if you ask me.”_

_“I agree, I feel at this point people think they’re good because they’re basically paying his way up. Just give them a year more and you will see them promoting their OnlyFans account,” Noah sniggered. “I feel so relieved I can finally talk about this with someone because almost everyone seems to be obsessed with it.”_

_“Oh, that’s right, I almost forgot you all are friends with the people managing the account.”_

_Noah hummed. “Harry was even featured in one of their pictures.”_

_Axel smirked, looking at Harry with cold eyes. “So you mutually use each other, Harry?”_

_“Okay that’s enough.” Isaac was the first one to break the silence, everyone else probably too pissed off to talk. “We all know opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, but you don’t have to reek the place with them. Also, what’s wrong with OnlyFans?” he asked Noah. “You know, I kinda liked you, but I don’t really know anymore.”_

After that, things got even more tense and only got worse when they arrived at the club.

He didn’t mean to pry, he was just trying to smoke a blunt and get some fresh air when he heard them fight.

“It’s just odd you only accept gifts from him when I can’t even give you flowers without you getting all prickly about it,” Axel hissed. It took all Harry’s strength to not come out from where he was standing to defend Louis. 

But that was Louis’ fight, he knew it would only make the boy feel worse if Harry played the hero, besides he knew his boy knew how to defend himself, he was strong and smart and had Harry to back him up if things got heavier. 

“It’s different. He’s my best friend and I’m your fuck buddy. Or at least that’s what we were last time we talked. We said we were just seeing each other, no strings attached.”

Harry’s heart beat fast inside his chest. Was Louis going to admit he wanted more from Axel? Was Axel going to confess he was in love with Louis?

“And whose fault is that? Besides, don’t play dumb, he’s not your best friend, Zayn is.”

“We talked about this, I thought we were on the same page, neither of us wanted a serious or exclusive relationship, if you changed your mind about that or want more, I think we’re going to have to have a serious talk and take a break. And are you really going to dictate who is or isn't my friend now? Alright, Daddy,” Louis said with a sardonic tone and Harry had to bite his lips to suppress a laugh.

“Don’t call me that, it’s fucking creepy.”

“To you…” Louis sniffed. “And if you don’t have anything else to tell me, I’m going to dance.”

Seconds after that, it finally dawned on him what Louis said. Louis wasn’t in love with Axel, Louis didn’t want to have a relationship with Axel, Louis would first cut all ties with Axel before contemplating having a relationship with him. 

That changed _everything_.

“Are you serious?” Harry asked Noah incredulously after he snapped out of his thoughts. “Do you really not know?”

“Was it because of the loubell thing?”

“It wasn’t only that, you both have been acting like assholes since before we left the house.” 

Noah huffed exasperatedly. “After what you did last night, can you blame us? 

Harry rubbed his eyes with his palms. “It wasn’t my best moment, I can accept that, but you both were the ones who came up with rules and what not the next morning. What even was that, Noah?”

“Sex, Harry, thought you at least liked that about me…” he spat, before getting up and disappearing between the crowd on the dance floor.

Harry walked to the bar, trying to blow off some steam with a few shots. He was chugging his second one when he felt Louis' slender arms wrap around him, chest flush against his back, he let himself relax into the embrace for a second before turning around.

“Hi, angel,” Harry smiled at a very tipsy Louis as his arms instantly circled his waist, pulling him tightly to him.

“Hi, Daddy. Can I suck you?” he closed his eyes, letting himself be embraced by Harry.

A bead of sweat formed on Louis’ skin and ran down his neck and Harry wanted to taste his skin, have his mouth upon the wetness of his skin. 

“Fuck, angel… right now?” Harry whispered, bending down, tongue touching his heated skin.

Louis shuddered as Harry dragged his tongue up his neck, scraping his teeth against him in a playful bite.

“Mhm, I don’t wanna suck anyone else but you,” Louis melted against him, hands now buried in Harry’s hair, pulling him closer to him.

Harry played with the zipper of his dress and he wished he could undo it, could feel the soft skin underneath. “God, baby, you know I want that too, but you’re sloshed and I know if we do something right now with the new rules and all you’ll feel like crap tomorrow.”

Louis let himself be filled with soft and tender kisses all over his face, parting his lips every time Harry’s mouth got closer to them. “I hate the new rules.”

“I hate them too,” Harry caressed Louis’ naked legs, slowly sliding up until he reached his thighs. “I’m dying for you to suck me. Miss your pretty mouth so bad.”

“Daddy, _please,”_ Louis mewled against his jaw. “I’m not gonna be upset, I just want to be with you, _only_ you,”

Harry grabbed Louis’ ass with one hand, pulling him closer to let the boy know how much it was affecting him. “Repeat that tomorrow and I’ll feed you my cock until you fall asleep, would you like that, angel?”

Louis whimpered against his neck. “I’d love that.”

“We have a deal then.” Harry squeezed Louis’ plump ass one last time before leaving a chaste kiss on his temple. “Now, let’s get out of here, I want to cuddle you.”

“I don’t want them to join us in bed, I want to be just us, always _just_ us,” Louis mumbled against his chest.

“I won’t let them join, I promise, not anymore.”

They didn’t say goodbye to anyone and opted to buy some more drinks and wander around the boulevard first, then watched the waves crash against the shore until they felt dizzy and relaxed again. 

Arriving at the house, the first thing Harry noticed was that the front door was ajar. He was about to tell Louis they should leave the house and just call the police when he heard a familiar moan coming from the living room.

“Someone is—” Louis cut himself off with a fit of giggles, almost oblivious to what was happening a few meters from him.

Harry didn’t want to keep walking, already suspecting who was probably fucking on the couch, but the only way to reach their room was by going through the living room.

“Hey, how do you feel about going to the beach right now?” Harry whispered close to Louis' ear.

“Again? No, I’m so sleepy, and I feel a bit dizzy, we drank a lot. I promise whoever is there isn't going to notice us, I’ll be so quiet.”

“Fuck, alright,” he said, as he began to walk closer and closer to the filthy sounds. “But close your eyes.”

“Of course I’m gonna close my—” Louis gasped at the sound of a probably very familiar grunt for him.

“That’s right, ride me, ride my cock, gorgeous,” Axel grunted from the couch as Noah whimpered and writhed on top of him. 

Harry quickly covered Louis’ eyes and guided him to his room without making any sound, he already could feel the wetness of his tears against his hand but nothing prepared him for the sadness in Louis’ eyes when he turned the lights on. 

“Oh Harry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered before pulling him into a tight hug.

Harry reciprocated the hug with a bewildered expression on his face. “Why are you sorry, baby?” He tenderly kissed his temple.

“For what Noah just did to you! I should have stopped them, this is all my fault, I shouldn’t have brought Axel to this trip, I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t—“

“Hey, angel, angel, do you see me sad or mad about that?”

“I felt how you tensed up out there, you can’t lie to me,” Louis said with accusatory eyes, tears still dripping down his cheeks. He was a sight to behold. 

“I was tense because I didn’t want you to see that,” he cleaned Louis’ tears with his thumbs. “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“Why would I be hurt? I’m-I’m so confused. Are you sure you aren’t sad?”

“Very sure, baby. Are you?” Harry tenderly nudged Louis’ nose with his. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Only if you are. Do you promise you’re okay?” Louis asked with wet and dazed eyes, both hands holding his face before he hiccuped and rubbed his eye with his knuckle.

Harry chuckled and gripped Louis’ hips reassuringly. “I promise, petal. Now that we’ve got that clear, come on, baby, let’s get these clothes off,” he said as he began to unzip his dress.

“My feet hurt,” Louis pouted, but let Harry undress him before he walked to the bathroom to wet a towel, but not before stripping out his shirt and black trousers.

“I told you not to take your shoes off at the boulevard,” Harry chastised as he sat Louis down on the bed so he could clean his dainty feet properly. “You could've hurt yourself.”

“It was the fastest way to make you carry me.”

Harry left a tender kiss on Louis’ knee. “The fastest way would've been you asking me.”

Louis hummed back, falling down on top of the bedsheets, slightly spreading his legs so Harry could fit between them. “And that applies to other stuff?”

“Pretty much anything you want.” Harry kissed Louis’ soft tummy. “Just ask me and I’ll try to give it to you.”

Harry crawled into the bed with him, skin touching skin. Louis felt warm and soft as he pulled him on top of his body. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed the top of his head.

“Can you write a song about me?” Louis said finally, muffling his words in Harry’s chest.

Harry choked on air, not expecting that specific request. 

“It doesn’t matter if it’s a silly one,” Louis hurriedly added, tripping over his own words. “I just—I’ve always wanted one…” he added meekly.

“I need you fully sober for this conversation,” Harry whispered as he pushed back some strands of hair from Louis’ face, “but I _promise,_ I’m not only going to write you one, but thousands of them.”

Louis lifted his head up, eyes filled with what seemed to be hope. “You promise?” 

“I do.” Harry whispered as he traced Louis’ brow with his thumb.

Louis frowned. “You’re making many promises today.”

“Just the necessary ones,” he said, smiling before leaving a chaste kiss on top of Louis’ lips.

“Alright, then let’s sleep and talk tomorrow,” Louis whispered as he re-adjusted his head on Harry’s chest.

[✯] 

Harry woke up early the next day so he could bring Louis’ breakfast to bed, just in case Axel or Noah decided to make an appearance in the kitchen.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Harry whispered as he put the tray on top of the bed. “I made some waffles, how are you feeling?”

Louis groaned, rubbing his eyes. “Like a truck ran over me last night and a stampede of elephants danced a tap number over my feet.”

“That’s… oddly specific. There’s some medicine in the nightstand and I made orange juice.”

“Are they awake?” he asked after a moment, not daring to look at Harry, fork playing with his waffle.

“Don’t think so, Zayn and Mitch are. Mitch is already packing and Zayn went to the beach.”

“God,” Louis groaned again. “I also have to pack and I’m pretty sure they’re in my room…” 

“I can pick up all your things from there if you want.”

“Would you do that for me?” Louis muttered, a bit insecure.

“Of course, baby.” Harry assured him, sitting down close to him in the bed. “Anything you want.”

 _I promised you yesterday,_ he thinks but doesn’t dare to say out loud, not wanting to bring bad memories to Louis from the night prior.

“Alright, then it would also be amazing if you could lend me an extra suitcase because I have more clothes than the ones I arrived with,” Louis mumbled, scratching his nose.

Harry snorted. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“It is, because now I have more things to pack,” Louis said, happily eating his breakfast.

“But you liked the things I bought you, right?” 

A shy smile appeared on Louis' face that made Harry’s heart melt with love and happiness. “I loved each and every single one of them.”

“Good,” Harry said smugly, as if he just won the lottery. “Now, eat your waffles and I’ll go pack all your stuff before they wake up.”

[✯]

Harry was still trying to decide if he should knock on Axel’s door or just quickly barge in without waking them up when said door opened up.

A startled Noah gaped at him, chest covered in marks that Harry was sure he never left there. “Harry—this is not what it looks like,” he blurted with wide and afraid eyes.

Harry chuckled and half whispered, “Good morning, how was the pounding last night?” before winking at Noah and entering the room.

To his luck, Axel was already awake and dressed, so that was one less awkward situation he had to avoid.

“You saw...”

Harry shrugged as he began to pull Louis’ clothes from the closet. “I mean, you were doing it in the middle of the living room and weren’t even trying to be quiet about it, so you could say so.”

“I’m—I’m _so_ sorry, god I was so fucking drunk, can we talk?”

“You don’t have to give him any explanation," Axel drawled from the bed.

Harry waved him off. “Mr. Rules over there is right, it’s okay, as long you had fun.”

“I still want to talk with you, explain what happened.”

“Noah, there’s nothing to explain, you made silly rules that were bound to be broken at some point, you fucked. I’m still annoyed by the whole rules ordeal, but I’m really okay with you finally having fun here,” Harry said, carefully placing all of Louis' clothes that he could find inside the suitcases. “You do owe Louis an apology though, you behaved like morons yesterday.”

“When are you going to realize Louis is just a safety blanket for you, an unhealthy coping mechanism that justifies your commitment issues,” Noah spat through gritted teeth after a few minutes of silence.

The words made Harry completely halt, he watched Noah look at him with genuine anger in his eyes. 

“You got something very wrong,” he said, done with Noah’s offended attitude. “You and everyone else were my safety blanket, Louis was the risk I was too afraid to take. I’m glad you’re a photographer and not a psychoanalyst though.” 

“He’s not coming?” Axel finally spoke again.

Harry frowned, there was something in Axel's tone that made him believe the encounter they had yesterday wasn’t a drunk accident at all. “Did you plan this? Did you want him to see you with him?” he gritted angrily. After not having any reply, he continued. “You fucking did…” He could hear the disgust in his own voice. “You wanted to hurt him. You’re so fucked up...”

“I’m fucked up but you’re fucking desperate for his approval. I guess we’re both pathetic.”

And how did that even compare? 

Harry shook his head. “Not his approval but his happiness. I’m not ashamed to admit that, never will be,” he remarked with forced casualness. He needed to stay calm, to not make this a bigger deal than what it was, he just needed to finish packing and go to Louis, that was all. However, his mouth had other ideas. “Do you want to hear something funny? I was so close to giving up when he met you, because you were right about something, I was a fucking coward who was sure I wasn’t good enough for him, and for a moment, I thought you were,” he chuckled bitterly. “You almost fooled me.”

Axel smirked. “And you think you’re the best for him now?”

“No, in my eyes, no one is and no one will ever be, but I learned that I’m no one to decide who’s right for him, that the only one who can decide that is Louis himself. That doesn't mean I’m not gonna try my best to be the one he chooses. Now if you excuse me, I still have some things to pack.” 

  
  


**_American Leg, New York._ **

Harry’s mom used to tell him that real love wasn’t based on great gestures, but the little things your partner did for you. It was in the way they remember how to make your coffee, to give you the last chocolate in the box—no matter if they were their favorites—it was in the way they held you when you most needed it, or them watching your favorite movies even when they didn't like the genre. Harry always thought it was a very cute thing to say, but his mom didn’t exactly have to deal with the most oblivious boy in the entire world.

Almost two weeks and three shows later, and Harry was sure he used all his mom's advice and there was no reaction from Louis. At least not the reaction he expected. He was, as always, his lovely self, blushing and gifting Harry dazzling smiles every time he sang one of his songs directly to him on stage and in front of thousand of eyes, and with clear blue eyes that lit up as he read through new lyrics that—at least to Harry—were obviously about him.

After that, he tried a bit harder, the gestures became more flashy and obvious, but strangely enough had less positive results, the worst so far being the interview that Harry did for his next album.

“Is this the ending of Harry Styles’ womanizer era, or is that something we all made up in our heads?” asked the interviewer with a genuine smile.

“Oh no, I was a lot of stuff the press said I was, maybe in a smaller, less glamorous way. Did I fool around with a few _people_ ? Sure, but I wouldn’t call myself a _womanizer_ , that’s just....” Harry snorted. “Yeah, no.”

“But the real question, and what everyone really wants to know is, do you want to settle down now?”

“Now?” Harry grinned. “I’ve _always_ wanted that, way before I knew I wanted to be in a band, I wanted a family and I don’t know,” he shrugged, “maybe a farm with cows and chickens and why not pigs, I’ve heard somewhere they’re very clean.” He chuckled. “Even when I was... _seeing_ multiple people, I’ve always wanted a place where I could finally settle down with my person, where we both could be boring and comfy.”

“Have you found that?”

“The farm? No... The person? Yeah, I have.”

“So are you really in love?”

“Deeply,” he said with a wide grin for everyone to see how much Louis meant to him.

And Harry thought that was it, that after that interview Louis was going to run into his arms and both could be finally happy. But to his surprise the only few texts he got from him were very polite but curt, and when they met at the arena he was too busy to talk with Harry. 

It wasn’t as if Harry didn’t know it was a big day for everyone, they were going to close the tour at Madison Square Garden, everyone was nervous and wired but it still stung a bit that Louis just didn’t care much about Harry’s confession on live, national television.

“Are you nervous?” Noah asked a few minutes before the show started.

His relationship with Noah was almost non-existent after everything that happened, but Harry was nothing but professional. Besides, Jason would kill him if he heard he was something other than courteous with any of their crew members.

“More excited than nervous, I've been waiting for this moment since a long time ago.”

“I’m glad you’re excited, you deserve to enjoy this day. Where’s Louis by the way? I thought he’d be gushing all over you tonight.”

“He’s busy.” _And probably upset._ “Today is a big night for him too, for all of us,”

“But… he should be there for you, no matter how big today is for him, you gave him, and all of us, this opportunity.”

“Jason and your talent got you all the opportunity, not me. He earned this, and he deserves to spend this day however he wants, his priority today—and everyday—should be him and his work, not fussing over me. He’s his own person, Noah, not my personal cheerleader.”

A flush bloomed over Noah’s cheeks. “No, I know, I’m…sorry, I know it's really not my place…” He paused and frowned. “I also want to say sorry for the mess I created in Tulum.” 

“You didn’t create any mess,” Harry wrinkled his nose. “I’m the one who’s sorry, I dragged you into a weird situation.”

Noah shrugged. “I knew what I was doing, you told me from the beginning how you felt and I still said yes, even though I was falling for you.”

There was a pause, then Harry frowned. “You were _what_?” 

“Falling,” he whispered, hands fumbling with the hem of his sweater. “I just couldn’t help it…”

“But _why_?” Harry’s frown deepened, genuinely puzzled by Noah’s reply.

“Maybe it was because of our first dates before I realized they weren’t dates at all. Maybe it was the way you looked at me sometimes when Louis wasn’t around and it was only the two of us—” Noah broke off and chuckled sadly. “I don’t know, it gave me a bit of hope.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lead you on, I thought I made it very clear, that _you_ had it clear.”

“I know that now, probably I always did, I’m not blind, you know? As soon as I saw him, and the way you looked at him, I knew why you liked me so much. I clung onto that and used it in my favor, to the point I sometimes even dressed like him just to get more of your attention. That’s why I want to say sorry, for that and for what I said the last day in Tulum. It was out of place and wrong of me to speculate what you were feeling and take it as a fact.”

“We all did our fair share of fucked up things, it would be really hypocritical on my part to be scandalized. And for the other thing, you were upset, sometimes we say stupid things when we are upset.”

“It doesn’t take away how wrong it was,” Noah huffed. “Just accept my apologies, rockstar, this is getting a bit uncomfortable.”

Harry snorted. “Apologies accepted,” he said before clearing his throat and adding, “I know it’s none of my business, but, be careful with that Axel guy.”

Noah smiled. “Don’t worry about that, it was a great fuck, but just that. Don’t think for a second I didn’t know what I was doing when he came up with the rules, he wanted to fuck with you two, I wanted to do the same, I just have the guts to admit it was wrong and apologize.”

[✯]

From the first moment he stepped onto the stage, he felt electrified, every scream of the crowd felt like wires connected to his body, pumping energy through him. He grabbed the microphone and ran a hand through his hair, the arena felt alive, it was chaos, excitement, noise, and adrenaline. 

Throughout the show Louis’ eyes were boring holes into him, like he couldn’t get enough of him, making Harry’s body light up with desire and expectation. That same look was the one that gave him the courage to finally do what he needed to do years ago.

“This is a new song, I wrote it for my muse and the love of my life, this is Stellar.” Harry could barely hear himself over the thunderous screams of the crowd. 

But as Harry sang, _“I_ _need you to see this place, it might be the only way that I can show you how it feels to be inside of you,_ _”_ directly looking at Louis, he didn’t see any hungry looks, a dazzling smile, or even a blush. He saw betrayal, Louis looked like a heartbreak ready to happen.

That was it, that was his rejection, and he still had a show to finish. Harry for the most part still enjoyed every second of it.

He did his job, what he was paid for. Then, when it was all over, he thanked the crowd for his support and the crew members for their efforts. He thanked Jason for his patience and his bandmates for being there. Lastly, he thanked Louis’ crew one by one, assuring them that anything they came up with would be amazing. He tried to thank Louis too but the boy was nowhere to be found, and for a moment Harry pondered leaving things as they were, maybe Louis needed time to process what just happened, maybe he felt overwhelmed by Harry’s confession. However, something inside him insisted on trying one more time, if that was Louis rejecting him, he needed to hear it word for word so he could finally move on, this time for good.

He rang Louis’ doorbell twice with shaky fingers before he heard his small voice coming from the intercom. “Who is it?”

Harry gulped. “It’s me, Harry,”

There was a long pause before he heard a loud ring, indicating the doors of Louis’ building were open for him. He climbed the stairs two steps at the time and as fast as he could.

Breathless and sweaty he reached Louis’ floor where he was already waiting for him outside his door. 

“What do you want, Harry?”

Harry was ready for the pity and the rejection, he wasn’t ready for red rimmed eyes and that particular look that haunted his dreams. 

He took a few moments to drink Louis’ expression in, finally daring to actually look and analyze it, no matter how much it burned. It was then when it hit him, the indecipherable look on Louis’ face, the one he could never pinpoint, was _yearning_. All this time, all these years, it was yearning. 

He never dared to look before, but now that he was, it was everywhere. The hunger to be seen and consumed, to be devoured. It echoed Harry’s longing for him, like a delicate mirror, fragile and exquisite, ready to break.

And if Louis felt like that for him, why they fuck weren’t they together? Why did he look so betrayed while Harry sang his song? 

“Was it ever normal to you that I’ve always picked the same type of men for my hookups?” Was the first thing that came out of his mouth. 

Louis gaped at him. “Did you honestly come here just to ask me that?”

“Just answer me,” Harry insisted, he was going somewhere with this, he just needed to… put all his thoughts in order. “Was it ever normal?” 

“Didn’t see any problem with that. I know you like brunette twinks with blue eyes. Was there when you realized you liked them, I was there all night and I was there the next morning with your cum dripping down my ass.”

Harry felt his dick twitch from Louis' words. Suppressing a groan he kept pushing forward, “I didn’t discover it that night.”

Louis sniffed, chin high and proud. “My bad, how stupid of me to think I had anything to do with it.”

Harry shook his head. “No, you had a lot to do with it, you had _everything_ to do with it.”

Louis’ brows furrowed. “What?”

“I didn’t discover my infatuation with blue-eyed boys with perfect smiles that day, but when I found you again and began to talk with you. It was when you shared with me your favorite movie and cried when you found out Spot was dead, when you made a moodboard with all my songs and explained to me in detail what they meant to you, when you showed me your first artwork and the reason you fell in love with art. My infatuation began with you, but not the day we slept together, it began long before that.”

“No, you… no… all your songs… your interviews…” Louis mumbled, clearly confused. “Noah? I—you _cried_ the day you found him with Axel.”

“No, baby, _you_ cried, I covered your eyes and promised I was okay, because I was, my only worry in that moment—and basically any moment—was you.”

“I cried?” he asked, horrified.

“For a bit, I actually thought you were crying because of Axel, but you told me—”

“I was crying for _you…”_ he said, as if it were a revelation to him. After a long pause, he grabbed Harry’s hand and dragged him inside his house. “We need to sit the fuck down and _talk… Now._ No more lyrics, no more vague indirects on stage or interviews that could be for _anyone._ You need to talk to _me_ and tell me how you really feel,” he continued, sitting Harry down in one of his sofas. “Are you in love with me?.”

Harry felt a grin growing on his face. “Very much in love, always have been, always will be. And you?”

Louis let out a startled laugh. “I let myself be fucked with coconut oil as lube by you, of course I’m in love.”

“Then why did you keep rejecting me?”

Louis frowned. “When did I do that?” 

“You never said anything about the flowers or the gifts, you were all cold after the interview and did it again today after I confessed my feelings for you in front of everyone.”

Louis blinked. “Because you never mentioned _my name_! Not in the interviews, or today on stage, how was I supposed to know it was for me? And as for the gifts, you have spoiled me since the first time we met, I just thought you were being nice to me.”

And _oh…_ Harry hadn’t thought about that, he just thought his feelings for Louis were so obvious that there was no need to specify who he was talking about.

He let out a loud groan. “Can you kiss the silly away, please?”

As a giggling Louis sat on top of him Harry couldn’t help but smile against Louis’ lips, and as he thrusted inside him, he couldn’t help but think how stupid he was. He could’ve had his boy a long time ago if they had just… talked.

The next morning, Harry woke Louis up by licking his ass clean, making some obscene remarks about how pretty and creamy his hole looked, which promptly led him to fuck him again. This time, slowly, without any hurry in the world, as his mouth kept sucking bruises against his collarbones, neck, and shoulders, pinching and licking Louis’ abused nipples. 

He wanted to cover Louis with marks, leave his skin a mess of red and purples, take a picture of it and then make it his background picture or even better, the cover of his next album. 

“Daddy, _more!_ ” Louis mewled under him.

Harry didn’t need to be told twice before he pulled Louis’ legs up to his shoulders and began to fuck him deeper and harder. 

“You love when I’m stuffing you full, right, angel? When Daddy pushes his come deep inside of you with his cock.”

“I love it, I love you,” Louis gasped out, breath hitching every time Harry hit his spot. 

Something electric shoots down Harry’s spine at hearing Louis’ words, hips bucking forward, hammering into him hard enough to make the headboard slam against the wall as his stomach clenched up with heat and his balls tightened. “I love you more, everything about you is dear to me, your hands, your mouth, everything.”

Louis chanted his name, begging for him to let him come, crying for him and submitting to him, body arching up into Harry as he kissed him. 

“Come for me, angel,” Harry ordered, hand wrapping around Louis’ wet cock. 

Louis clenched around Harry hard, ripping a loud grunt from him, making him fill Louis up with his come. Seconds later Louis coated his fingers with his white, watery seed. He didn’t move his position until the boy milked him dry.

“I’m gonna love you forever,” he whispered to Louis later that morning as he pushed his wet hair off his forehead. 

Louis hummed as he readjusted his head on top of Harry’s chest. 

“God, we were so _stupid,”_ Harry mumbled against the top of Louis’ head. “We could’ve had this a long time ago.”

“Mmm, I... don’t think so,” Louis said softly before burying his head in the crook of Harry’s neck.

The hand that was stroking Louis’ back halted. “You don’t?”

“I don’t think we were ready to be a couple until now. I mean, we couldn’t even communicate what we felt for each other properly, I think it would’ve only been a matter of time until we broke up for the same reasons. I don’t think we lost time, because it wasn’t _our_ time. We had to grow up, we had to learn to be patient and express ourselves at our own times. Call it fate, call it growth, but we’re finally ready and this is our moment.” Louis tenderly kissed Harry’s chin. “I would’ve loved to know all of this back then, but I was still a mess. I…” he trailed off, taking a big breath before saying, “I thought you were only with me because I was easy.”

Harry grabbed Louis’ chin so he could look directly into his eyes. “God, baby, no, I never thought that. Since the day we met each other again, you were _it_ for me.”

Louis shook his head. “But I wasn’t, not really. Remember the first time I told you we should stop?”

“For my first awards show, yeah.”

“A day before that you asked me if I’ve ever felt love, do you remember what I said?”

“Yeah, I remember you said you loved a lot of stuff, but you never mentioned me...”

Louis made a face. “But I _did_ mention you, I mentioned loving my _home_ , because you were that, still are...” he added meekly. “You didn’t react very well to that, you got all cross and a bit mean and to be frank, it crushed me a little.”

“ _Oh baby_ , I’m so sorry,” Harry whispered, leaving tender kisses all over Louis’ face. “I didn’t realize, I swear, I thought you just didn’t care about me, that’s why I replied the way I did.”

“That’s what I thought too and that was the main reason why even after I promised myself to not speak to you until you got your shit together, I went to your hotel room to talk things out.”

Harry frowned. “When did you— _Oh…”_

“Yeah… a pretty girl opened your door wearing only your shirt, that was when I knew neither of us were ready for a relationship, that we needed time to mature and to stop hurting each other. I needed time to heal and actually try with other people, to grow too. To just erase that idea movies and songs engraved into me that love is all we need, because while love _is_ essential, it’s not enough. To protect your love, you have to learn to listen, to respect and understand that people aren’t meant to be on pedestals, that your partner is your equal. Love is only the seed, we have to take care of the blossom and we need to be _ready_ to take care of it. I feel ready, do you?”

And while looking at Louis’ soft gaze and warm smile, he also understood that they’d both needed to grow up to be in the places they were in at that moment. No matter how complicated or messy their past was, nobody could steal their moments. 

“I do. From now on, it’s only you and me against the world. For real, forever, _always_.”

[✯]

They did end up buying a farm years later—after Rose Quartz took its first well-deserved long hiatus—far away from all the noises and invasive eyes. They didn’t have a lot of animals, but the ones they had were well loved and tended. Harry’s favorite being a cocky cock called Albert, Louis loved to tease him saying he only felt connected to it because he looked just like him, but Harry disagreed.

The documentary was a huge success, and gave Louis the final push to launch his already growing film studio into something bigger, to the point that he was now being featured in magazines as one of the 30 Most Influential People Under 30. 

For his part, Harry and his _Love Letters_ was also nominated for, and a strong contender in, several award shows. But his favorite part, not only from his awards shows, but Louis’, was that they went together, hand in hand, as a team and a couple. He loved to gush about how sappy some of his new lyrics were with interviewers, just to see Louis blush and squirm beside him and to talk about how excited he was, and how much he loved Louis’ upcoming projects. 

Loubell was still doing great, with brand deals coming from everywhere and a followers list surpassing the four million mark, it still was one of the biggest social media mysteries and Harry kept popping up here and there from time to time, each time causing online uproar.

He didn’t pay much attention to what the press or the general public thought about him and Louis, but he could only guess it was positive seeing how Jason’s eyes lit up every time Harry complained about how another paparazzi caught them kissing while buying groceries.

They were happy, even though in their first months as a couple—and after years of not knowing how to properly communicate with each other—they had to overcome really rough patches where they both had to learn new things about themselves. For example, neither of them knew how… _jealous_ they could be. Harry getting all prickly and tense every time men blatantly flirted with Louis, and Louis turning gloomy and sad when someone did the same with Harry. 

After several talks and some innocent fights, they came to the conclusion that they were both okay with displays of affection _and_ possession in front of other people. In all the years he knew Louis, he’d never have guessed he’d be okay with that, so to Harry it was a bit difficult to give in, even though he wanted it more than anything.

“I’m explicitly giving you my consent,” Louis sighed, fluffy robe wrapped around him. “Nothing too much and of course never in front of my family, there’s some aspects of my life my mother doesn’t _need_ to know, but I’m fine with it, I want it.”

Harry slipped a hand around the back of his neck, beneath his damp hair. “I don’t want you to resent me or think I’m a possessive prick.”

“Oh, but you kinda are…” then he quickly added, “in a good way, without the prick part, of course.” He chuckled. “Believe me, if I wasn’t okay with this I’d let you know.” Louis angled his head and kissed him, lips soft and sweet. Tongue just teasing his mouth, begging Harry to give him more. “ _Daddy_ , please?” 

Harry groaned, unable to resist his boyfriend. “Okay, angel, but promise me if I overstep you will tell me right away,” he said, nuzzling the side of Louis' neck, giving his ass a gentle squeeze.

“Promise,” Louis whispered, as he let Harry grope him at his own pleasure. “Same goes for you.”

“Baby”—Harry nipped Louis’ neck, hard cock pressed against his tummy—“you could pull my pants off and sit on my cock in a room full of people and I’d be more than okay with that.”

“You’re so silly.” Louis smiled, legs finally wrapping around his waist and his hands curving around his shoulder. 

“I’m your silly.”

And as Louis expected, it worked. Harry realized Louis’ eyes shone the brightest when he turned him into a grunting pile of bones and want when he saw other men getting way too close to him. Always turning pliant every time Harry wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, and melting every time he shamelessly bit his neck. 

Harry, for his part, couldn’t deny he also loved Louis doing exactly the same to him, whispering soft and needy _“Daddy’s”_ when he wanted his sole attention back on him. 

There were some hiccups here and there, like when Harry got a bit too excited at one of Louis’ work parties, but nothing a good and long talk after couldn’t resolve.

Most importantly, they talked. They talked when they were happy and when they were sad. They also understood that they weren’t perfect and still were learning, so they were bound to make mistakes at some points, always trying to understand the other. Because as people said, there was no laughter without hiccups and there was no love without blood in a beating heart.

And as the years went by, the little and delicate blossom that was their love became a beautiful flower that only kept growing as their family grew bigger. 

One day they were two and the next four, they took care of their love and now they were going to teach their children to do the same, channeling the same softness and patience they had for each other to their kids. 

Harry’s inspiration never ended, he only had to look at his husband’s sleepy smiles, the way he played and laughed with their children, his tearful eyes every time he finished a new project, the way even after ten years of marriage he still blushed when he called him his angel, and his awestruck expression every time Harry reminded him that all his songs were about him. 

Harry didn’t get his happy ending, because that’d imply his story ended. He instead got his forever happy middle with the love of his life, their family, art, music, and Albert, the cocky cock.

In the end, Harry’s mom was right. Love was, after all, in the little things.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Look at you finishing this monster, thanks a lot for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Roya come here and hug me or something.
> 
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